You know how women’s magazines tell you how to dress, how to wear your make-up, how much you should weigh, what your eyebrows should look like, what lipstick you should be wearing this week and about a million other things that are wrong with you? My real question is why do women buy these magazines?

We will tell you it’s because they want to know these things, that we want to know what is in fashion, we want to know who is sleeping with whom and about a million other reasons. And I will admit that I do love fashion even though I barely make enough to support myself and I do love make-up but can only afford to buy it from a drug store. I do admit that I am exactly like most American women who work to support themselves and who are single and I will also admit that one in a while I will pick-up a tabloid because for just a short time, I want to go far, far away from my life and I like to escape every so often.

I love seeing how a very small percentage of people live even though I know I will never be one of them. I know this everyday as I figure out how to get the rent paid or spend another Saturday night alone with Ben & Jerry and a movie from Blockbuster. I will be the first person to tell you that I like things just the way they are until I pick-up the evil magazine and see women that don’t really exist who are paid so much money to remind me and all of us of who we aren’t and will never be and to show us, page after page, of what is wrong with our bodies, our attitude, our minds and our lives. All to make a buck.

But I think my most favorite articles are about men and dating and true love and self-esteem that are right next to advertisements for younger looking skin, getting rid of cellulite and another new diet of the week. I am not going to get on the soapbox of dieting and weight loss and what that has to do with how you feel about yourself because, well, the fact of the matter is way too much has already been written. Too much has failed, too many women have been betrayed and too many books have been written on the subject.

But what I do know is this – you are perfect just the way you are and I don’t even know you. Yes, you may have things that you want to change about yourself but please don’t do it because you read it in a slick, glossy and expensive magazine. Do it because you know it’s the right thing for you to do. Don’t read another article about your mind because it is just fine. If you are taking care of your life and loved ones and you have worked your butt off and still not gotten to where you want to be but still get up every morning and slug it out again, your mind is just fine. I am here to tell you that there isn’t anything wrong with you and I want you to know that.

I just got back recently from a party for my Mom who turned 80. Most of my family was there and there was so much laughter and hugging and getting caught up that my own personal feelings of being worried and scared and uncertain about my own future left me for the weekend. My Mom is someone who is so full of life and vitality and beauty that I often think about wanting to be her when I grow up even though I am 54, single with absolutely no prospects for a boyfriend and work 2 jobs just to stay ahead.

My Dad died 6 years ago and I missed him so much during the party. My heart actually had a slight ache in it but I remembered what a wonderful man he was and found myself getting sad whenever I think of that because I truly believe they broke the mold when he was born. I have heard it said many times that women want to marry their fathers and my first thought is always “Oh, gross!”  because, well, it’s a really sick thought and just wrong. What we want is to be loved unconditionally just like our Dads did with us. We don’t want to marry them; we want to be loved for everything that we are and are not.

 During the party, I got to sit down with friends of my Mom’s whose ages range from their 70’s to 90’s and had the time of my life just talking with these beautiful, interesting and funny women. They were all dressed impeccably and each had great style and class and what drew me to them was when I looked over and saw they were all talking amongst themselves. They obviously knew my Mom but not most of the people at the party and I saw an opportunity to make some new friends and learn. Ah, there is so much to learn from people who are older than us. Such great stories and interesting lives.

I talked to Theeta who told me about her daily life in the retirement community where they all lived and about her hair color and what movies she had seen recently. The entire time she talked, I saw a twinkle in her eyes and a smile on her face. She complimented me on my figure, my hair and what I was wearing and she was so sincere and sweet. I found myself just smiling back because I couldn’t help it and wanting to listen to more of her stories.

I talked with Pat who had been married for over 50 years, lost her husband and then remarried for 3 years until he passed away. She told me about being a realtor many years ago and carrying a gun (she did have a permit to carry a concealed weapon) and about her family and her day-to-life. I was fascinated to hear all her stories.

I talked with Barbara who is 94 but no one is supposed to know that and found out about her exercise program that she does every day that would have been exhausting for me. She walks 5 miles a day, does 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups every day and if it’s raining outside, she walks in circles in the house! I know I am too lazy to do half of what she does and I am almost half her age.

Each of these women have raised their family, been married and widowed and done what was right all throughout their lives and not one ever looked to a magazine to see if they were good enough. They did what they had to do and carried on. These women are strong, smart, beautiful and sassy. Just the way I like it,

During dinner, in between huge bites of lasagna I looked at all the people gathered to wish my Mom a happy birthday. Later that night my Mom said she was lucky and I corrected her. It had nothing to do with luck and everything to do with just being who she is. There were friends, siblings, cousins, second and third cousins, grandchildren, nieces and nephews and a few others that I don’t even know how we are related and it doesn’t matter. We were there to celebrate someone who always taught me I was good enough just as I was and to find my own way in my own time and not to put up with anyone’s crap and that I always had my family.

So why would I look further for any type of validation or approval or acknowledgement of who and what I am? Why would I ever read an article about how I should be or what I should look like when I am surrounded by the best people on the planet? I don’t and that’s just fine with me.