By Susie and Otto Collins

There's plenty of advice out there about how to create and sustain a great love relationship or marriage.

Many of these suggestions help you communicate more effectively with your partner. Others recommend connecting activities you can do with your mate to amp up the intimacy.

But one relationship secret that might come as a big surprise to you is this....

A close, connected and passionate love relationship or marriage is most dependent on the wellness of the individuals involved in the relationship.

In other words, your relationship health is mostly linked to how attentive you and your partner-- as individuals-- are being to your own healing, growth and well-being.

This might seem to contradict the whole idea of being in a love relationship to you at first. After all, you might think to yourself, isn't the point of being in a relationship to be with a partner and be one-half of a couple?

The fact of the matter is, if you are avoiding, ignoring or otherwise neglecting your own personal growth, you simply cannot be a fully-functioning, open and ready for love kind of partner.

The most vital relationship you will ever be in, is the one between you and you!

From a strong, healthy and well foundation, you can freely open your heart and life to another person. And, from here, you can easily and effectively share support and love with this other person and truly enjoy an interwoven path together.

Carrie wants nothing more than to be closer to her boyfriend Ethan. She's read books about relationships and even attended workshops with him. It still seems that there's something keeping them separate.

Sure, they have a good time together and they love one another, but Carrie wants something more. She wants to feel excited, alive and passionate when she's with Ethan-- and that just doesn't seem to be happening.

Carrie keeps worrying that there is something off about the chemistry between she and Ethan. Or, she fears that she is just incapable of having the kind of relationship she dreamed of with Ethan, or anyone else.

Take the time to nurture your self.

If you are feeling like your current relationship is lacking, begin your inquiries about what's going within your own self.

It can be tempting to look at your partner or some habit that the two of you have fallen into in your relationship as the source of your discontent. While it could be the case that both of these play a part in your unhappiness, it's likely that the answers you seek are primarily within you.

Does this mean that your lackluster or troubled relationship is all your fault?

Of course not!

It is vital that you explore how you are feeling from the inside and then work your way out. If you aren't experiencing the kind of relationship passion that you're wanting, look inside yourself to become clear about what you need at this time.

You might be surprised about what you find when you quiet your mind and really listen.

Carrie realizes that she's really getting stressed out about her relationship with Ethan. She's beginning to take out her frustrations on him by snapping at him over little things. She's starting to wonder if it's time to end their relationship.

So Carrie decides to give herself a nurturing weekend away. She rents a small cabin in a beautiful peaceful setting and she packs her journal so that she can write and, hopefully, better understand what's going on for her.

Throughout the course of her weekend away, Carrie realizes that the disappointment that she feels about her relationship with Ethan has a lot to do with her own dissatisfaction with where she is in life right now and very little to do with Ethan or their relationship.

After introspection and and self-observation, Carrie is aware that her lack of self esteem and low sense of self-worth have contributed to her holding back from Ethan and from the life she wants in general. At a deep level, she doesn't feel deserving of the connection she truly wants to have with him.

Carrie now knows that it is not time to end her relationship. And she is certain that the work to be done is primarily within her own self.

It takes a lot of courage and insight to discover what your own issues are that might be standing in the way of you moving closer to your mate.

And it takes clear intention and follow through to make the changes you want to make and resolve any past issues that could be holding you back.

Once you begin to deal with your own “stuff,” however, you'll undoubtedly find that the rewards are immense.

Share and celebrate each other's growth.

Carrie returns home to Ethan with a completely changed perspective. She tells him about her discoveries and also the steps she plans to take to boost her self esteem and sense of self-worth.

Ethan feels honored that Carrie shared her personal and deep revelations with him. He offers to support her in whatever ways she needs. They hold each other close.

It can be an amazing connecting experience to simply acknowledge to your partner that you are now more aware of your personal issues and you are ready to deal with them. This not only provides information about what's going on for you to your mate, it also demonstrates trust as you open up and allow yourself to be vulnerable in this way.

Another positive aspect of keeping your partner informed about your personal growth and expansion-- even if it is difficult or painful to share-- is that you two can learn how to effectively support one other.

Allow yourself to be inspired by your partner's learning and growing as you celebrate the shifts and successes each of you experiences. Notice how it enhances passion and your connection along the way.