Ten Things to Look for in a Man

So, Valentine's Day has come and gone and you made it. Now the world is at your feet, along with all the men in it. So how's a gal to choose the 'perfect man'?

Wait. Did I say 'perfect'? Okay. Maybe that's setting the bar a little high. How about a 'thoughtful, considerate, attentive man'? Hmmmm...still a little tough, you say?

Okay...how's this. How about we simplify things. How about we just choose a man. Oh, and breathing would be good.

it's a good thing. Men who are at least ambulatory are already step ahead. There's so much potential there: potential walks in the park; potential strolls in the moonlight; potential dancing.

Ah, the possibilities.

He doesn't need to be rich. He doesn't even need to be flush (although remembering to is always a plus). But the willingness to share, whether it's a meal or his ice cream or his chocolate -- especially his chocolate -- is always a good sign that a man is open to generosity in other areas. Maybe a good listener. Maybe a good conversationalist. Maybe a good...

oh, wait. That's a whole 'nuther subject.

Plus, if he buys dinner, he might actually have a -- dare I whisper it? -- j. o. b.

Which brings us to....

Motivation to move -- no slugs, thankyouverymuch. And there's a difference between a man who knows how to relax (ideally while he's rubbing your feet or your shoulders) and a slug. A slug is one of those guys whose idea of a relaxing afternoon is sprawling on the couch with one leg down the length of the sofa and the other propped on the coffee table, wearing holey sweats and armed with the remote.

Bad.

Motivated is a man who sits with you on the couch and perhaps invites you to snuggle. Motivated is a man who knows how to put down the remote and wait out the commercial. Motivated is a man who will sit through 'Dancing With the Stars' and then patiently and attentively listen to your commentary, all the while nodding and murmuring things like, "Y'know, I never thought of it like that. You might be right."

How is that motivated?

That's a man who knows what he wants and, what's more, what it takes to get it.

And if you've gotta ask, well then...I'm sorry.

Whether it's meeting your mother or meeting your girlfriends or even just hanging out, a man with some tact is a plus. One who knows, on at least a basic level -- even if he's not able to resist the temptation all the time -- that it's not sexy to 'grab and grin'. One who realizes that the third course is NOT necessarily you. One who understands there's a time and place for everything.

Plus, if he can answer the question, 'Do I look fat in these?' without making you want to strangle him, he might be worth keeping.

Any man can fake patience. It's no harder than faking an orgasm for a woman. Some are better at it than others though and some have to fake more than others -- what you want is to ferret out the worst.

Watch for things like impulsively checking the time. Tapping his fingers while he's waiting for you to finish trying on those incredible shoes you found at the mall. Watch for twitches and tics. Look for the little signs: "Aren't you ready yet?" "How much longer is this going to take?" and "Hurry the **** up, already!"

And not just driving directions (although that counts). A man who can listen and give your suggestions a try. At least seriously consider them.

Okay...how about pretend to seriously consider them?

I'm not talking about the complete works of the Bard of Avon or "Moby Dick." Just a man who knows that a newspaper is for something other than putting under the car when you change the oil. A man who realizes that there's more to television programming than Spike.

Look at it this way, a man who can string together two coherent sentences is more likely to be able to converse intelligently. To be able to converse at all. To be able to hold a job. To make a good impression on your parents and your friends. Not that we care what our parents think...no, not us. Still....

...or not. Sometimes a nice, comfortable, companionable silence truly is golden. But, at the end of the day (or night) you've got to be able to talk. There are only so many other things you can do to occupy yourself and each other. Eventually you'll get tired.

You don't have to be joined at the hip (well, every once in a while might be nice) but it's nice to share interests and experiences. Opposites may attract but they don't always stick. A man who enjoys some of the same movies, music, books and television might cut down on some of the potential friction. Differences are fine -- they encourage us to grow and to learn and to accept -- but polar opposites? Possible disaster.

Look for common ground.

A nice ass.

Yes, I'm kidding. And that brings us to the real number one. A sense of humor. The ability to laugh at himself and with you. A man who doesn't take himself too seriously. A man who can look at the world with humor -- and show you his view.

If you can find a man with all these things (and that nice ass wouldn't hurt), think about keeping him. And, if not, let someone know when you're through. I've found mine -- they are out there and there's a waiting list a mile long for the one you don't want.