The Girl in the Avatar
93Thank You Cris A and Rayna H. Hurman
First off, I'd like to thank my good friend Cris A for challenging me to write this poem. As a kid, I was a knucklehead and almost never turned down a dare, which made for good companionship one would say. However, this sort of challenge doesn't involve the police, fire department, or any ambulances to drive over to where I am and would go as far as saying that it's safe. Little did he know that I used to write a lot of poetry (including haikus), or what I thought to be poetry when I was a teenager many moons ago. Truth be told, I entered one of my poems into a contest when I was sixteen and won an Editor's Choice Award for it (I'm still not sure how prominent that actually is to be honest). Writing poetry and short stories is a passion of mine for many years now.
I'll admit that this is nowhere near my best poem, but it tells the story of the two of us and that alone makes this poem special to me and hopefully, to her. In fact, this shouldn't really be called a poem, but a ballad that is ours. So after reading this, feel free to tell me to stick to fiction. I'll listen.
I'd also would like to thank Rayna H. Hurman whom this poem is dedicated to, because without her, I would have stopped believing a long, long time ago. A few Hubbers asked me who the "girl in my avatar" was and I responded by dancing around the question. The truth is, her and I shared much together and still keep in touch. This poem is a ballad of our time that is rich in history. I won't delve into exactly what transpired between the two of us, but I will say that she is still and always will be in my heart. This one is for you, "Rayna H. Hurman," with love.
The Girl in the Avatar
“Hello,” you said,
“Hello,” I said back,
She’s cute, I thought,
As my heart went pitter-pat.
But she’s too young for you,
So forget it, move on.
Find someone else to woo,
Like that middle-aged blonde.
Later on, you came and asked,
In your most vulnerable voice,
“Could you walk me to my car?
I have no other choice!”
So like the man
you wanted me to be,
I acted brave, I played the part
and acted accordingly,
"How old are you?" you asked.
"No your not!" You said after I told you,
"If that's true, then you're wearing a mask!"
"I get that all the time," I said.
"Okay, so how old are you?"
"Older than you think," you told me,
"And old enough to be with you."
And be the one you've been looking for, I thought.
Thought I was so clever
When I texted you,
“Give me back my heart!”
And you replied, “Never.”
I remember that autumn,
And remember it well,
Admiring your eyes
while under your spell.
But the season was stolen
and we were its thieves.
Our hearts interwoven;
like macaroni and cheese.
I think back to a time
When I was yours
And you were mine.
Our future, a half-open door.
Always a threat: That fine-line.
Our fate chosen, united as one,
We hoped like hell
to make our break and run.
So many memories I
Wouldn't want to erase
Even after sanguine hope,
Fell flat on its face.
So wherever you go,
no matter how far,
you'll forever be
the girl in my avatar.
© Copyright 2009. All Rights Reserved.
Our Song
To Rayna In Closing
Dear Rayna,
Maybe someday we'll be together, Rayna. For now time and distance separates us. I hope that you enjoyed this and hope that one day the world will let us be. Until then, I'll always love you and you know that, sweetie. Thank you for providing me with hope. There is no peace without you.
-Dohn
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Comments
Wow dohn121 great writing prowess you just whipped out here... Goodluck to you and to your everdearest Rayna... Hope the two of you are fine though...
Definitely.....don't stop writing poetry! I loved it - very touching, yet fun. I hope all ends well with you - and Rayna!
You took the proverbial words right out of my mouth, my friend! I did write one silly poem on forum for FieryCJ in which I warned that if anyone picked on him that they'd have to go through me! It was kind of a sing-song poem, but was funny. Thanks so much for giving me a challenge. I don't think that it'll make me a million bucks in Adsense revenue, but who cares? We do what we love and we love what we do! Thanks, Cris!
Woah! You guys are fast!
Thanks, GH for the well-wishing. She's the only girl for me. I'm working each day to see to it that we pick up where we left off. Hopefully one day, we'll find each other again.
Thanks, Lily Rose! I don't think I'm very good at poetry, but for you I might have a few that I'll share again. Thank you for that and Rayna thanks you as well :D
Wow, nice ballad dohn! Rayna is pretty. It really is when you're in love you're inspired to write a dedication. Wish you both goodluck!
Thank you so much, Beth! I appreciate it very much. She really did steal my heart (and not to mention my hat in that pic). Perhaps will have more memories in the future!
Oh my god the two of you are adorable!!!! Like and macaroni and cheese :) made me smile big.
Thank you Randy! She definitely makes up for what I lack, LOL. She is my all and I'd do anything for her. I'm so glad that you commented :D
Oh it is so sweet i feel the love. You guys make such an enviable pair. Love ya both together, Love the final word "there is no peace without you". Love it i am glad Chris A dared you to this wonderful hub. God Bless and may your love be stronger in time to come.
Thank you so much for that, charanjeet kaur! That's so good to hear. I hope that we can be together soon, as there is no one else in this entire world I'd rather be with. Rayna and I thank you!
Thanks Dohn. I only seem to hit the poetry button to deal with crises...though it wasn't always so. Keep it up.
Thanks, Peter. To me, poetry is difficult. I really want to try my hand a couple of Shakespearean Sonnets which should be fun (not to mention tough).
If when you do decide to make a hub out of one of your poems, I'm interested in reading it.
Oh Dohn - this is soooo beautiful and touching! I hope such a wonderful love has 'happily ever after' woven into its fabric. Thanks to Cris, I hope we can see more poems from you :)
Thank you so much, Shalini. That's very encouraging for me to hear...If there are more comments like this, I just might have to get into poetry. I just have to get better at it, as I don't believe I'm quite "up to snuff." Thanks, Shalini!
Wwell, Dohn, I was also wondering "who is the girl from your avatar"...
I am crying now...deeply touched.
It is not only beautiful poem, but whole story is so romantic, and I hope there will be happy end for both of you.
Very Cool Dohn.
Your poem for some reason made me think of this song... by the great LFO... lol
(I wish for you on a fallin' star,wonderin'
where you are,do I ever cross your mind,In
the warm sunshine,she's from the city of angels,like
Betty Davis,James Dean,and Gable,never know
what she means to me.I fell for the girl that's on TV)
except in this case, you fell for the girl that's on the Avatar...
Great, touching poem my friend.
in closing...
It's the girl in the green dress (Avatar)
She took my breath away,And now I look to the sky,
For a better day,To the beach shore and scooby snacks,
I met a fly girl and I can't relax,
Never had to be on a movie screen (Avatar)
Cause she's the leading lady in all my dreams,I wish
Very sweet and tender poem, the love radiates. Rayna is adorable.
i actually cried when i read that..... honestly i do not cry easily..... wow it was so so so good, and to think i actually know you.... you put messages on my hubs every time and wow brilliant... it has inspired a song in me i have not heard for years, will let you know when the hub is done. wow again. xxxxxxxxxx hey a friend of mine wrote this i am delighted
OMG, that is a great, great, great poem dohn! I'm one of those who asked you who the girl in your avatar is. What can I say, the words in your poem says it all. I can feel your sadness, your joy and your love for her. I really do hope both of you will find each other again.
Dohn, this is so beautiful and romantic. My love sensors went on over'load reading this. Ahhh, I so hope you and Rayna find to be together. As you are visualizing it and it is close to your heart I feel it will be so! :)
Thank you for realeasing the myterious lady in your avatar! :D
ps. please share more of your poetry, too.
I have wrote a hub for you with love....... please let me know what this young lady thinks of this hub..... she is a lucky young lady i think....... please invite me to the wedding should it ever happen
hi Dohn, what could I say/ That was lovely and nice! Very touching! I felt the love, longing and yearnings of your heart. I hope one day, soon, it will happen, You deserve her and she deserve you plus all the other wishes you have! I hope she will read this one!
have a good day!
hmmm, wishes wishes, I wish I am a fairy now so I can grant your wishes!
damn, and I thought I was going to get through today without crying!! :) Your such a romantic Dohn. Loved the bit about Mac 'n cheese. Good stuff.
Well Dohn, this is most beautiful and so well executed. No surprise to me that you could do it. I do hope you two can be together again. Love it. CC
Oh my God, Dohn, this is beautiful, I love the hub, the story is just very touching, the lovely poem, the writing, video. Thanks for sharing my friend. One of my brother fall in love with a girl 15 years young then him, at first it was a nigtmare for them, because a lot of people was involve negativly. It was really hard for them.
But at the end he maried the girl, no matter what the family has done, to stop them for been together, when its destiny no one can do anyting to stop it. Its been 10 years now and they are very happy. Dohn you look so happy together, very cute. I pray for you to be together and I wish you a lot of happiness. Love its very important in life, it brings a lot of stability. I know what I am talking about:)
My son has read your answer to the comment in your ex hub and he say "thank you". He receive a new electric guitar yesterday and he was over the moon, He really beleive in his dream and its just beautiful to see. Thanks bro. God Bless you.
Beautiful, this was the first thing I read this morning. Thanks!!!!!
Well written.
Feel that (as a guy) we don't often get to write touchy feely stuff without people feeling that is a touch feminine. You did guys proud with this one- explained our view point and used romance and humor... well done.
" Like macaroni and cheese.."....Wonderful and original imagery...Loved this poem...Larry
@Tatjana-Mihaela-Thank you so much for that *Hands over a Kleenex* I'm glad that you enjoyed this, as it took much longer than I had hoped. Hearing such reactions is very encouraging. I did the best I could when telling this story of ours. Of course I hope that we will be together one day.
@TampaBayBucs-Hey, thanks, buddy. I hope you make a run for that girl in the green dress. It's funny how we find the one we've always been looking for when we're not trying. Good luck to you and thank you for the awesome allusion and lyrics. Nice touch!
@Pamela99-Thank you for that, Pamela. I did my best to capture my emotions, albeit in a little jar! I'm glad you liked it!
@poetlorraine-Of course, I was hoping that you chance see this one, Brenda. By the way, I loved the pic of you and your beautiful children. Of course you'll be invited to our wedding! As long as we're alive there is always hope. Thanks so much my friend. I'm glad to be able to share. Of course I'll read your hub! I'm sure its sensual and sweet.
@emievil-Hello, Emie. Thank you for the compliment! I'm not really one to believe in fate--more like freewill--but in either case, I think that things will happen if we can in the future make sacrifices. Time will of course tell! I'm glad that Rayna is no longer a mystery :D
@invictus-Hey, invictus! Thank you for that my friend. I'm so glad that you enjoyed this one, as poetry is your forte. I'll do my best to create more poetry now that so many within our tight knit community think I should! It's great to hear from you! Thank you!
@prettydarkhorse-I usually don't believe in fairies, but I will now! Thanks so much for that Pretty. I hope that her and I will be together soon. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder about her. She the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this!
@Justine76-:D Thank you so much, DM! I'm starting to run out of Kleenex over here! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this poem/ballad. I wasn't sure how good it was, but knew that if anything else, it was honest, and to me, that's all that really matters. Thanks, buddy!
@ralwus-Hello, Charles. Thanks for the encouragement. I'm glad that you enjoyed this. I sure hope that Rayna sees this, as this is the first and only thing I've ever wrote for her. I'm dedicating a novella to her in the near future as well! Thank for the support, my friend.
@kiera7-That so good to hear! Just supporting your son and his dreams is head and shoulders above what other parents typically do for their kids! Thank you for commenting and complimenting! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this poem/ballad. Yes, the age gap is a bit difficult to overcome, but I've long accepted it. Love is just funny like that. We all dream, don't we? Thank you for the well-wishing my friend :D
@Tammy Lochmann-Your welcome! Thanks so much for reading it. I'm sure that Rayna thanks you as well.
@Enigmatic Me-Yeah, I tried to not go overboard on this one. I know what you mean about being too "romantic." Thank you so much for the compliment. I appreciate the support!
@Maven-Thank you so much Larry! I really do appreciate that! The two of us definitely go well together!
Dohn, reading this hub gave me goosebumps man! What do I say?! I mean..(heck, I don't know what I mean) but reading through poem of your love life..and then the following comments...it already says it all! The poem is like..ummm.. ..serious yet funny..gloomy yet hopeful..feels dreamy yet it is real..and in deed is heartfelt,true and touching therefore simply beautiful! I wish for you both to be together soon..ASAP - as they say!
Very nice, Dohn, but I think it's a bit too short and it could have more episodes such as the one involving the cliff view. I'd find another rhyme than macaroni and cheese. But, man you can write poetry! This poem might just be the beginning of a series about her.
Very Sweet poem Dohn! Puts me in mind of my younger years. I think all of us have that someone special from the past we will always be connected with. I hope things work out for you. Your are a good soul Dohn..
oh my...what a story!
I like the way you wrote it, the poem itself did not interfere with the story. That's not always easy to do.
I wish you the best, I'd love to read the "Happy ever after" on this one.
This was beautiful! Thank you, dohn. I hope so much you get back together. She looks like a real cutie and a wonderful person, and someone just for you.
-sigh- Dohn--you are a romantic! How deeply emotional your poem is--I am sad, but I am extremely for you. You are so fortunate to find love Dohn. It is a rare thing--cherish it and cherish all the happiness that love with it brings!
Excellent Dohn. Lovely poem.
Glad you took up the challenge on Forum - You've shown them the stuff your made of. lol
You are a true romantic. No wonder you write so well. Beautiful poetry. Thanks for sharing a very personal part of yourself yet again.
Dohn,
I am so glad you wrote this. It is beautiful. I hope that she reads it and can see how much you care! The first poem I have ever read from you.
Beautiful. Simply beautiful!
Not only are you a good writer but a good poet, too!
She's a pretty girl! :)
Oh Dohn she is beautiful, that poem was so romantic, you won me xo
What beautiful words dohn, you should write more poetry more often, thumbs up my friend
and welcome back blonde poet!!
dori
Thank you for sharing so much of your heart! That's not always easy...it's easier to keep it to yourself. I loved this poem and am so glad you let us read it!
Wow...beautiful and fluid. Great job and thanks for sharing :)
@words cocktail-Thanks for the comment! That's very kind of you to say that. I guess that I touched on many aspects in this hub. Rayna without a doubt is a cavalcade of feelings to me and all of them are positive. You did fine by commenting :D
@juneaukid-I really was thinking about adding that part about the cliff! The macaroni and cheese bit is actually a bit important to me, as it was something that was shared between us in conversation (no, we didn't share a plate of it or anything). But I can understand where you are coming from to want to omit it otherwise. Thanks for the advice and fort the comment! I really appreciate it.
@Ms Chievous-Thank you for that! What a sweet thing to say :D I'm glad that it "brought you back" and that you enjoyed reading this. New love is the best love, I guess. Tough love is the love you gotta work for, I guess. It's the same love, only it requires more of an effort, I guess. Thanks!
@Duchess OBlunt-Thanks for the compliment, Duchess. I did my best to tell the story and write a love poem at the very same time, so to hear such (undeserving?) comments is great. I'd sure like to write a happy ending to this as well ;)
@Paradise7-She is a great person. All my life, I always had to charm girls to suck them into my world...That is, until I met "Rayna." She just charmed me like crazy, to the point where I'm blushing (imagine that). She's also the first girl to make me laugh consistently. Thank you for that! (Rayna thanks you too ;) )
@NotMyself-Yes, I did find love, but then it kind of told me to come back later on...It's complicated, but I will take your advice. Until the day comes when Rayna tells me to hit the road, I'll always keep on hoping. Thanks, buddy :D
@Lady_E-Thank you :D I did the best I could with this. I'm just overwhelmed by so many positive comments. You guys are really awesome. I thank you and everyone here for it.
@Green Lotus-Thanks for that. I just hope one day that I don't share TOO much ;) I've found that it's so easy to simply share with everyone. You are my audience and for you guys, I have nothing to hide :D
@Useful Knowledge-You know that it means a lot to me to hear that, you star you :D I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Maybe when I can catch lightning in a bottle, I write another poem! Thanks as always, UK.
@Lancelonie-Thanks for the compliment! You guys really need to stop making me blush! You just made Rayna blush too! Thank you!
@Blonde Poet-Thanks BP!!! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Hearing that from you, I feel like I just gained Knighthood! You're the best, babe :D Thank you ever so much!
@Fortunerep-Thanks for that Dori! Like I said, I'll do my best to produce more poetry (damn the word count B.S./Adsense, right???) Just as long as you guys leave such amazing comments, I might just do that :D
@Rose West-You're welcome! Wow, thanks for that. I'm glad that you enjoyed it and am happy to share it. Thanks so much for reading it and for commenting. It means a lot.
@phantom_moon-You're welcome! Thank you for the great comment. I did the best I could with the story of Rayna and I. I'm just so happy that none of you guys told me to stop writing poetry while I'm "Still ahead" as it were :D Thanks!
Absoutely, beautiful, warming and fresh. Dohn, such an excellent poem. Continue writing because you are really good with your imagination.
Loved it very much. Thanks for poem
Thanks Leop! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it. It took me a while to write it, as I added a stanza every hour or so throughout the course of an entire day. Hearing such compliments from you and so many of my friends makes it all the worthwhile. Thank you!
Wow Dohn you had to almost write a novel to answer your fans here. I bet your hand is sore? A good tip is to sit on it for 10min and it won't feel like your own :) :)
Lovely poem.
Yeah, tell me about it, BP! Never before have I received so many comments on one day! The reason why I didn't respond earlier was because I was away from a PC and had only my Cell. I was able to to read the great comments everyone left, but didn't dare text everyone back via cell phone. That would have been torture! Thanks for the tip, BP :D I shall try it!
Thanks, Jewels!
well, there's nothing left to say really....because all that was needed to be said in praise of this hub has already been written here! so would a simple 'beautiful' do? keep making beauty with your words dohn.....x
Thanks, myownworld. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I'm still amazed by the comments on this hub. Thank you so much for reading this! I appreciate it.
No question about your ability to write poetry! You have not only written a beautiful and heartfelt poem but it glows with the love that you have for your dear Rayna. Best of wishes to you both and hope you come together again like your symbolic macaroni and cheese. You certainly make an attractive couple!
Wow, thanks for that, Peggy. I really do appreciate that. There's no woman in this world I care for more (family aside) in this world. I believe that we will be together and that it's only a matter of time. Hopefully, I'm right :D
:D YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I remember that autumn,
And remember it well,
Admiring your eyes
while under your spell.
But the season was stolen
and we were its thieves.
Our hearts interwoven"
"Like macaroni and cheese..."
Where have I heard this one? :D Thanks, Big Guy. I'm glad you liked it. I guess I'm going to have to bleed out a few more poems for you guys...
We'll eat them up just like macaroni and cheese!
Ha! That's great, Peggy! Thank you for that.
that was beautiful. she is beautiful. you are beautiful. this melts your heart. i am continually blown away at the caliber of writers here. !!!
Thanks, cosette. I'm glad you like it! Thanks for the compliment by the way. I'm fortunate to have found so many supporters of my work.
Wowww without a doubt the most beautiful thing I have ever read, truly beautiful my friend. But then whats not to love about one really amazing guy, I looked at her pic and I thought jeeez what a stunner, that old dog Dohn is one lucky guy then I thought, so is she !!
Ps - That's deff the best piece of writing i have read since joining Hubpages !
Thank you so much for that! She's by far one of a kind. There really is nothing I wouldn't do for her. I love her so much it hurts. Many times, I'd tried to run away from how I felt for her and really did try to move on, but it only reinforced my want to be with her and see her. So until the day does come when she tells me she wants nothing to do with me, my hope in being with her again will remain.
I cant' tell you what your comment means to me, HT. Thank you so much.
Nice work again. I'm not sure what to say on this one , I do not even read Poems. but this, you really put yourself in to it.
Thanks for that TFT. I'm guessing that you liked this one. Everyone's interpretation of any written work is fine. Thanks for reading me.
I see you in Tatjana's hubs, and checked out your work, so glad I did! Have become your fan. This poem touched my heart, it's pure love, so sweet, direct and embracing. You make a beautiful couple!
Thank you so much, VioletSun! Yes, Tatjana is one of my friends. I've seen you around too and have been meaning to get to know you! I'm now a fan of yours as well! Thanks for visiting me. I'm glad that you enjoyed reading this.
Nice work again you are very good in both type of writing
Thanks, Lgali. I'm just glad that so many Hubbers enjoyed this hub. It means a lot.
Like macaroni and cheese. I must confess, I never thought I'd see that in a poem. Highly original! She's cute! The photo of the "cliff where we stood" is stunning. The poem is excellent, though it evokes gentle sadness. Life is that way. Excellent, with an overarching gentle sadness.
Yes, I'm with you--I'd never thought it appropriate to have such a line in a poem, but there is much significance in it, which is between Rayna and I. Thanks for reading this poem and sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate it, James.
I enjoyed teh videos and interesting hub..
Thanks, neysjasper! I'm glad you did.
Thanks for answering the question of your picture and you 2 look great together. I wish you the best...Now, who is the macaroni and who is the cheese? :)
i am wondering what her response has been to this...... please tell
thanks for the beautiful piece.
best of luck.
Awesome expression of eternal love.:)
@mtsi1098-Thank you very much for reading this and thank you for your support! I'm glad that I was able to clear this up a bit for everyone...I think her and I are interchangeable when it comes to that :D
@poetlorraine-Unfortunately she hasn't seen or read this just yet, but she will soon...Like my situation with her, it's only a matter of time. Of course I'll let you know the outcome!
@Benson Yeung-You're welcome! Thank you for your support of us!
@andromida-Thanks so much for that, my friend. I hope she likes it.
Dohn121 I am so impressed. You are so talented that it is hard to tell which kind of writing you are better at. You excel in all areas. You both make such a beautiful couple. The macaroni and cheese feeling you mentioned I am sure is your wonderful way of expressing the harmony you both experience. I hope you will get together soon and be in marital bliss forever.
Great job...I think you should write some more poems too.
"Our hearts interwoven;
like macaroni and cheese..."
You are a poet...dohn121...There is no other way around it.
You were meant to be...bringing it with the Poet-try! Very Well Done...And on very tough topic to tackle and to put into text...Thanks to those who put you up to this...Will we see more?
@create a page-Thank you! Yeah, the macaroni and cheese imagery I thought was appropriate in conveying the playful, albeit youthful emotions we both exhibited with one another during that time. I do believe that we'll be together someday soon (My heart tells me so). I thank you for your kind words and well-wishing. I hope that I don't let you down, lol. I'll do my best to crank out more poetry--I just have to get back in the mode (rather than the 'mood').
@manlypoetryman-Thanks so much, manly. Cris A is responsible for this, by the way. This is really the first poem I've written in about 8 years, due to my putting forth so much focus into other things, such as my novel. It's great to hear all of the positive responses here. This is of course then the only poem I've written for said "Rayna." I hope she likes it. I'll do my best to write another one, I promise.
'Our hearts interwoven; like macaroni and cheese' - I think that alone gets across how much you were for each other! And at the same time how messy things were (unfortunately). Really touching!
Thank you apricot. You did a commendable job at analyzing this poem. Yes things are in a bit of disarray, but I believe that it will be resolved, as my heart tells me it's so. I'm glad you enjoyed this.
lovely poem and lovely couple! ;p
mac and cheese stick together...what a great view on the cliff ;p thanks for sharing your love story
Thank you for that, blaise25. Yes, mac and cheese most certainly stick together. We'll "stick" this thing out :D I appreciate your comment.
What a beautiful poem! Thanks for sharing your story. I hope things work out for the two of you.
Thank you Naomi! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Rayna's my epitome of hope and hope is always will be a beautiful thing :D
Im in love with your poem!!! Goodluck to you and your ladylove Rayna, so cute together!
Thanks, maudine_05. Thanks for that! Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.
wow...! that is sooo sweet. for me, it is always an excellent feeling to read a poem written for me. how blessed rayna is.
i hope, too, dohn, that one day you and rayna's hopes will come true. your story is an inspiration. take care of this love that you have for each other.
Thank you, bingskee. I believe that our paths will cross again and merge as one. This is the first poem I've ever written for her, so I hope that it's not the last.
Time is really all we have. I'm so glad that you enjoyed this. Thank you and I will :)
Cris A says:
2 weeks ago
It's only fitting that I'd be the first to comment. But back to the business at hand...
You are a great storyteller, in both prose and poetry. And what makes this poem extra special is the heart that went into writing it. Thanks for accepting my sorta kinda challenge.
Btw, I know you used to dabble in poetry - I read somewhere (I did my research before I posted my challenge). Searched your hubs but I found none. And so I thought, let's bring it back. :D