the sunflower
66my eyes open with the dawn
breaking, my arm vanishes
into the crevice that
is your space in
my bed.
i hear droplets of water from
the shower, but only
your heat remains,
and a whiff of
lavender.
i trail off into the kitchen
the cold floor and
stale coffee are
witnesses to
my passing.
i fly to the window, hoping,
but there is none,
not even a shadow
of the shadow of
your name.
i pass the hours looking at
the door, but the
knob remains
silent with
your prints.
i lay on the bed with the moon
in my eyes and my arm
presses, a crevice,
your space in
my bed.
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Comments
Thanks Russ. I must admit your poetry and those of the other hubbers have gotten me all worked up. I consider this and my other poems a vanity project - not for the hits (read: money LOL) :D
I'm glad you write this for the love, release of writing and nothing else, this seems to be your forte and maybe, hopefully, one day, you're making the cash with it. Hats off for being able to write this. I'm sure those female fans of yours are going to melt when they read it!
vanity or not its very good cris! keep it coming...
toady & buddy - Yay! i wish you didn't bother checking this one out, or commenting at least! I feel like I've just been caught with my pants down! LOL But what can I say, you pass the test of friendship. Hooray! Thanks for taking whatever I dish out, and I promise to do the same for you! LOL (but never the "aunties" goldentoad!)
this is a wonderful way to release my hubbing headache. reading 'the sunflower' let me relax for a moment - thanks
glad to be of service, newsworthy! but why a hubbing headache? just curious :D
lack of sleep reading how u guys do it
oh okay, but once you're used to it, the headache starts disappearing...while the addiction sets in :D
Cris, you're making me rethink my whole 'don't like poetry' idea. Your poetry has such feeling and flow. It made my heart ache. Very nice job. :)
Now who did this to you? Who's the witch that left that empty crevice in your bed and makes you stare at a door knob for hours? Who? I'm gonna open a can of whoop ass right now. lol! ;) :D
That's sad.
Pam
Nobody, okay N O B O D Y! so settle down, you're scaring me! LOL
But on a lighter note, glad you're up and about! Now start hubbing like your PC's going crotchety (love this word!) again tomorrow! :D
LOL, okay, I'm calm now. :) Thanks Cris, it's great to have my computer back, but it's rather daunting trying to catch up on everything I missed. The PC better not get all crotchety again! LOL! Good one. :D
Oh you're so baaack! I've been reading your exchanges with goldentoad and Im having a good time. Okay now, so let's do the rounds! :D
LG,
sorry if this made you sad. But thanks for reading :D
I thought it as a nice thing...A wonderful feeling of the place that you laid...A nice place of comfort...just the damn coffee was stale...lOL G-Ma :o) hugs & Peace
aunties, panties- yipes!
Right G-Ma if only the coffee wasn't stale! LOL thanks - hugs back:D
goldentoad - hey i know what they mean when they say aunties, an older woman, or hot momma
hmm. I learned something new today. devious mind digesting.
everyday is a learning experience here at HubPages but devious wouldn't be the word I'd use to describe your mind's innerworkings! :D
Wow na wow na wow talaga Cris! Sunflower is about longing in its most profound meaning!Beautiful poem, Cris! Thanks for sharing it here.
Simply a portrait of loves true ways. Beautiful Chris! Such class.
C-it's me!
Yes Francia, the heart of this poem certainly was not lost on you. Thanks for your generous words and the inspiration, too! :D
Hey C!
Yep I know it's you alright, there can only be one C C Riter in the world - if only you don't forget your password in HubPages! LOL Thanks for the comment :D
Cris A, very beautiflly said through poetry.
Thanks laringo, that was my heart on my sleeve! :D
Beautiful Cris. You have the soul of a poet. Was this written recently? Is it for the love that was lost a few months ago? ooooops, nosy girl! heheheh
thanks Sheena for the beautiful words, as always! The truth of the matter is that I wrote it last night after watching I Girasoli - an Italian film which starred Sophia Loren and Marcello Mastroianni (beautiful movie!). And in part from a personal experience which the whole worlds shares :D
hey, you're visiting a brand new hub of mine and giving what i think is great feedback so of course im gonna return the favor. I enjoyed this hub, I am actually engaged right now and can relate to it closely.
okay, no harm done then! LOL so you're engaged, that explains the marriage hub! Well congratulations are in order! Ahh everybody loves a lover :D
Lovely poem,Cris.We can feel the pain! Please do one with a happy note!:)
Cris,
I love this poem. It reminds me of Black Marigolds. You should write more, as you've a definite gift for it.
Laila
I'll try to come up with a lighter poem, but honestly sadness or anything similar is what drives me to do poetry. But i'll try, I promise. :D
Amanda,
Wow I'm flattered pink! I think I remember Black Marigolds but it's been a long time since college that all I remember is that it's very long and every stanza starts with "Even now" - at least the English translation! Thanks for dropping by and I promise to write more :D
Hey, Cris -- the emotion conveyed in this poem is real and moving. We can all relate to this, as the warm comments above show, and I share the sentiment.
But I wouldn't be a very good Hubpage pal if I didn't at least ask a couple of questions, now would I? I mean, good feedback is what we all want, and we can trust each other (I hope) to respond with honest admiration and respect. I enjoy your ideas and your hubs and your good wishes, so I'm going out on a limb here and hoping you won't be offended by anything I write.
The idea of the lessening line-length is good: it underlines the feeling of something (someone) leaving, and the empty space that produces. However, as we scan the lines, we can see that this framework for the poem puts you in an awkward position at times, and forces you to have lines such as "stale coffee are" and "of the shadow of." Now, of course, I am taking these out of their context, which is a daft thing for me to do -- however, I think we can agree that the form of the poem has dictated the content, instead of the content naturally forming lines that can express the emotion without sounding forced?
There are no rules, nor have you broken any. But I wonder what the poem would have been like had you not been restricted by the (essentially good idea of) the lessening line length?
Cris, I will immediately post one of my poems in a hub, so that you can have the chance to comment in like manner on my work (I do value all creative criticism -- it's what keeps me learning, and keeps me honest with myself).
Hoping I will not now be exiled from Hubpages,
with respect and good wishes,
T. McG.
Teresa
Now I'd go all over your hubs and flag each one! LOL
Kidding aside, I thank you for taking the time to analyse this one. I edited and reedited, snipped a few and added a few. But my main problem in putting this together was the text capsule itself - i really have a hard time working around it each i time i publish a poem. All seems well when I finish in Notepad but once I paste it - there goes the form! It's really frustrating at times that I have to reedit a version that I think is already finished and complete!
Needless to say, that's what happened here (yet again). Yes, this is the version which - in going for the form - the capsule allowed. I had no option but to edit the content and as you pointed out, came out with lines that look a wee forced and contrived. It's a compromise that I had to take. Otherwise I would have come up with incoherent ramblings (i'm taking the reader's perspective here).
Anyhow thanks for the wonderful insights and they are very much appreciated! I;m looking forward to reading your poems - see i told you it's not so bad for hubbers are generally kind with their comments :D
Hey, Cris -- yeah, I find the same problem, every time I try to quote from a poem it is presented double-spaced instead of single spaced, etc etc. . .
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings, and responding so well!
Your poetry is really good. I'm enjoying reading the way you express the feelings that so many can relate to.
Ahhh but love is universal... and so are our emotions. We may look at them through different eyes but our hearts sing the same songs...
Now you got me waxing poetic! LOL thanks for checking this one out! :D
lovely poem Chris :-)
Thanks Michelle, I"m glad you dropped by :D
Good stuff, Cris. Easy to read.
Thanks Constant, i'm glad to note this didn't bore you silly! :D
Ha-ha!
I sometimes forego signing in just to read, and sometimes I just have to leave a comment without signing in. Is that legal?
Keep up the great work Cris. You're good and need to compile all of your poetry into a book. Keep them coming.
No it's not illegal. Besides you always put in your Hubber name when leave you comment but not signed in.
Okay, I'll see what I can do about that :D
wow thats really lovely ....i dont have wording to explain about this really nice.thanx
Thanks Britney, glad you like it. And thanks for dropping a line, too! :D
an evocative, emotive piece CrisA, I really liked
"knob remains
silent with your prints."
- this really is the poetic language of the uncommitted, unknowing but ever hopeful person, words full of life's maybes, the aftermath of something that was great and maybe...as we wait..maybe yet be again...cheers
ajcor,
What can I say, you caught me naked! LOL thanks for appreciating this little ode to the one waiting on the wings. Thanks for the wonderful comment yet again :D
Thanks for the lovely poem. It inspired a longing and stilness in me.
Thanks kari, i just hope it's a good thing :D
The wait, tantalizing.
Well now Patricia, that's the first time somebody said something like that about my poetry. Thanks! You make me wanna.... blush :D
This was awesome!
still blushing?
Okay Tom here goes: I love you man! But remember you said it first! LOL
Thanks for the very Lgali-esque words *wink*
toady
funny finding you here *wink*
lurking.
LOL you always do, you sorry ass!
Btw, you gave me an idea for my next hub. So thanks, you playa you!
Thank you for you comment on my latest post. Not only for the kind words but because it brought me here and I love this poem, so sad, so delicate, so beautiful
Hey Sandman
Glad you found your way here and enjoyed what awaited you. Thanks for the kind words :D
ME LIKy ...Your style is really amazing.. thumbz up !! i am enjoying that alot :Dthanks for sharing
Uriel
Glad you like this. Thanks for dropping by :D
sure will always do that... i am enjoying alot :D
Thanks for dropping by again Uriel :D
Very good poem. I have lived it.
Really? Well then that's make two of us who have. Thanks for dropping by :D
I loved this Cris. It may have been my imagination but it got really strong towards the end. 'silent with your prints' - great stuff.
Thanks for dropping by. Glad you enjoyed this one :D
Beautiful! I'm speechless.
but you still can type! LOL Thanks Jama, you're too kind :D
'I lay on the bed with the moon' (Chris A, 2009). Beautiful.
LOL that's right, that line is mine! is there anybody else who could've thought of that?
btw, it seems somebody's not troubled by school work! **wink**
I guess someone reminded me of what I had been missing. Thank you.
that somebody did a good deed indeed! LOL hey, didn't I tell you before that you are licensed to use this :D ? again, nice to see you hmmm lurking :D
:D
there ya go! now the world is a better place despite :D
Caught with your pants down? This is good stuff Cris, why do you think you already are nearing 400 fans! Thats all I gotta say about that
Beats me! Ask them! LOL :D
WOW.
I guess that's a compliment, Nazish? LOL thanks :D
Most definately :).
sweet nice
azish, william
thanks for dropping by, glad you like this one :D
It is just so obvious that you should have your books out there on the bookstand. I have read so much poetry and there are a lot of writers on here, and you really do come out on top.....
No matter where you get your inspiration, it's the gift you have that is I think so rare, it is truly beautiful, how you paint a picture with words....
shame I hate you, but that is life.... what does D MEAN
Brenda
So we meet again! And I'm liking our little exchamges. Again, thanks for the kind words and liking this one.
Oh you mean this :D ? (there's a colon, a smiley!)
read the poem and all the comments, thought I had not commented but look there I am..... my new comments were going to be;
I feel so sad for you, i wanna cry..... Glad you're liking our little exchanges even though I am hating them......
Brenda
Thanks fro reading again :D
Oooo, Ivana's iys velt lik a sunflower. xx
okay. thanks for dropping a line :D
Russ Baleson says:
11 months ago
You have a great style Cris, I can feel it. Russ