thejockspot more jokes

All of the jokes i posted have been set on a theme i.e drinking jokes,mean Scot`s jokes .this is a mixed bag of scottish jokes for you to enjoy.

A Scotsman was shipwrecked and finally washed ashore on a small island. As he regains consciousness on the beach, he sees a beautiful unclad woman standing over him. She asks, "Would you like some food?"

The Scot hoarsely croaks, "Yes, please, I haven't eaten a bite of food for a week and I am very hungry!"

She disappears into the woods and quickly comes back with a basket of food. When he has choked it down, she asks, "Would you like something to drink?"

"Oh, yes! That food has made me very thirsty and I would very much like a drink!"

She goes off into the woods again and returns with a bottle of 75-year-old single-malt Scotch whiskey.

The Scotsman is beginning to think that he's in heaven when the unclad woman leans closer and says, "Would you like to play around?"

"Oh, you beautiful woman, don't tell me you've got a golf course here too!"

It was cold on the upper deck and. the captain was concerned for the comfort of his passengers.

He called down: ‘Is there a mackintosh down there big enough to keep two young lassies warm?'

‘No, skipper,' came the reply, ‘but there's a McPherson willing to try.'

Jock's wife Maggie went to the doctor complaining of pains in the stomach. The doctor told her it was 'just wind'. "Just wind?" she screamed at him. "It was just wind that blew down the Tay Bridge!"

A Glaswegian stops before a graveyard in a Gorbals cemetery, and notices a carved tombstone declaring,

"Here lies a lawyer and an honest man..."

"Ach, who'd ever think..." he murmered, "there'd be enough room fer two men in that one wee grave..."

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking at a prize cow in a field.

The Englishman says "Look at that fine English cow."

The Irishman disagreed, saying "No, it's an Irish cow."

The Scotsman thought for a moment and then clinched the argument. "No, it's a Scottish cow - it's got bagpipes underneath!"

What do you call six weeks of rain in Scotland?

Summer!

Why do pipers march when they play ?

To get as far away from the noise as possible.

hope you enjoy have fun .....jimmy