Many of us have heard, "You cannot change others, you can only change yourself". Yet, we still try to change others to be who we want them to be or see things the way we see them. We may even lecture others on their behavior in an effort to "teach" how they should behave and think. All these thoughts and attempts to "teach" others often lead to tension and chaos within the relationship with the other person and in us.

We tend to believe that if others can just be more open in their thoughts, in looking outside their box that they would be better off. They would have a better understanding of how things in life are meant to be. However, who are we to decide what is best for another. I mean, how many times have you disagreed with someone's outlook on life or a situation and "dug in" to try and get the other person to see your side, trying to change that person's belief or attitude from the one they have to the one you have. Is this not a form of trying to change another?

Each person has their own perception of situations and circumstances. These perceptions are obtained through our individual experiences and beliefs. When we enter philosophical discussions, we are comparing perceptions. In these types of discussions or conversations, it is important to be present and listen to the other. It is also important to remember that one's perception is not the same for everyone.

"Perceptions are formed as you experience life. Interpretations of situations, behavior, actions, and personal appearances of those around you form your perceptions. This is how generalized categorization of people, groups, race, gender, age, hair color, etc. is created. Your personal experiences and emotional imprints, emotions attached to memories, also individualized perceptions." http://socialperceptions.com/

Comparing perceptions can be a chaos creator or cause of tension. The perceptions can be a separation of thinking between two or more people. When there is separation, there is chaos. The separation leads to more comparing and this leads to more chaos. The way to end this chaos is to not compare perceptions as in trying to define one as being better than another, but to listen to the other without judgment.

If you find that trying to understand another's perception is turning into a frustration or the discussion is turning into a "heated debate" these are signs that either you or the other is not present in the discussion, but present in their emotions which lead to judgments. Emotions are building up, a separation or dividing line is being created mentally, the discussion has then gone from conversation to possible argument of who is right and who is wrong. Take a step back and take a breath, at this point calmly state that you wish to think about what they have said and will get back with them later or "This discussion is becoming a bit more heated than I expected. Let's take a break."

Remember, as you are trying to "teach" another to look outside their box, you must be willing to do the same. A person is only able to do this if they are present in the conversation. Listening to all the words, not grabbing on to a word or phrase, turning it around in their mind as a debate point and missing the rest of the statement. Questioning things for clarity, stating you do not understand or rephrasing a statement back to the other person are ways of opening your box.