I was in the kitchen this morning when i heard someone cry for help outside. Of course i immmediately ran out. A paki was being beaten to death before my eyes. Then the sheer scale of the horror hit me. Shit, my toast was burning.

Went out last night to a nightclub, i was dressed to kill, i gotta say. I had a beard, sandals, a turban and a backpack.

A muslim suicide bomber blows himself up.....boom! When he wakes he sees some stairs so starts to climb them. When he comes to a man with a white beard he asks "Are you Mohammed?" "No" says the man, "i am st Peter, Mohammed is higher up" Wow thinks the muslim and keeps walking up. He comes across another man and asks again "Are you Mohammed?" "No, im Jesus, Mohammed is higher up" Wow thinks the muslim, our god is highjer than jesus. He gets to the top and sees an old man sitting on a throne, "Are you Mohammed?" "No, im god, you look tired boy, would you like a cup of tea?" "Yes please" says the muslim. So god clicks his fingers and says "Oi, Mohammed you little paki c**t, get the f*****g kettle on"

Bruce the Australian millionaire is having a bbq around his pool. All his mates are there plus Abdul, the local shopkeeper. After a few beers Bruce shows them the 15ft croc he keeps in his pool and bets a million dollars to anyone who can beat it in a fight. Abdul dives in wrestling, biting, gouging, the lot. He kills the croc and climbs out. "Wow" Bruce says "I owe you a million dollars". "Dont want it" say Abdul. "A car then and a rolex?" says Bruce, "No" replies Abdul. "Well, what do you want?" asks Bruce. Abdul says " I want the c**t who pushed me in!!!"

The pakis prayer:-  Our father who art in Bradford, Patal be thy name, Thy curry come, Thy stinging bum, On earth as it is in Rochdale, Give us this day our daily naan, And forgive us our smell, And help those that hold our smell against us, For thyne is the prayer mat, The nissan almera, For ever and ever, AHMED

Abdul felt a right twat after voting the BNP when he found out it doesnt stand for britain needs pakis.

Someone once said when a black men becomes president pigs will fly. Sure enough 100 days later "swine flu"

Tall building on fire with people trapped in it, Paddy is stood on the pavement and shouts, "Jump, ill catch you" Woman jumps and is caught by him, then a man jumps and is also caught by him, then a black man jumps but hits the pavement, Paddy looks up and shouts "Dont throw out the f*****g burnt ones!"

After break teacher says to Becky, "what have you been doing this break?" "playing in the sand" replies Becky "If you can spell sand you can have a sweet" says the teacher. She does and so gets a sweet. "And what have you been doing jack?" ask the teacher "Playing in the sand box with Becky" replies Jack. "If you can spell box ill give you a sweet" say the teacher. He does and so gets a sweet. "What about you Mohammed. What have you been doing?" asks the teacher. "I wanted to play in the sand box with Jack and Becky but they wouldnt let me" say Mohammed "Oh dear, that sounds like blatant racial  discrimination" says the teacher "If you can spell blatant racial discrimination you can have a sweet"

Cops stop a paki in a transit van on the motorway. cop says "You know the limit is 70?" Paki looks behind him and says "Hear that, 3 of you will have to get out"