Dating Advice: Confessing genital warts

What's the social protocol for telling a date you have warts? Been out of dating for a while and this holds me up...No joke.

Ask Cam Response:

Thankfully, I cannot answer this question from experience, but the only necessary social protocol for telling someone you have genital warts is to tell them before you engage in any sexual contact with them. But guess what buddy!...This leaves tons of room for spin, rhetoric and there's even a way to avoid that awkward conversation all together! Damn I'm good! Buckle up sunshine, cause I'm about to bring a big tube of Ask Cam Wart Cream into your bumpy little world of gloom.

Breaking into this conversation can easily be the toughest part. First of all, let's completely do away with the term "warts". It's too graphic and harsh. Try, "love bumps." You can also make her associate positive feelings with warts. "That pet toad you got me is so cute! I named him Warty Morty!" Every time you see her give little Morty a kiss you're one step closer to getting blown.

You can also look for a girl with really bad eyesight, or better yet, totally blind. If she can't see them, do they really exist? Tell her you're wearing a "for her pleasure condom" with a special orgasm inducing texture. I wonder if she'll have to use her walking stick to find your penis...I digress.

You have yet another thing going for you as well. Women, unlike men, can fall in love without having sex. Talk about a chink in the armor! If a lass falls for you it will be much easier for her to see past a pesky little virus when her heart has clouded her judgement.

Here's the best part. You don't even have to have the conversation. That's right you can meet plenty of singles with the same STD at www.positivesingles.com. It's like Match.com with VD. How hard do you think it's gonna be to get laid when you both have the heebie jeebies? Good luck, and don't let a few bumps on the shaft slow you down.