The first person I truly fell in love with married my best friend. When they got together my friend knew that I would be upset and came to me to ask if it was okay if she went out with him. Since I loved them both and wanted them both to be happy the only honest answer I could give was that they were good for each other. He would give her the respect she deserved in a relationship and she would not let him come up with silly excuses for things, which he tended to do. They were enamoured with each other and it was only a few months before they became engaged then got married.

I wept. I rejoiced over their happiness but at the same time I wanted it for myself. I felt selfish. I felt unwanted and undesirable. I was miserable. What could I have done differently?

Since I found someone else whom I now love deeply and am married to I have learned that everyone says "I love you" in a different way. I have learned that my husband understands it best by touch and word. I have learned to say it often to him. I can verbally tell him so or I can touch him. It can be as simple as a brush of the hand as I walk by or as elaborate as what we do in the privacy of our bedroom. He has learned that I understand it best by what he gives me and the time that he spends with me. When he goes to the store he almost always comes back with a tiny gift for me. It may be something that was on the grocery list anyway but he got the brand that I prefer instead of his favorite. It may be a piece of candy or other sweet. To me it says that he was thinking of me even when I wasn't present. He is always so busy that he is very jealous of his time. But he does not let that keep him from carving out a niche just for me. He takes time out of his busy schedule to help me with cooking and cleaning up the dishes.

Get to know the one you love. How do they understand that little phrase "I love you?" It probably won't be the way you understand it and you will have to make some adjustments. Do they need time? Do they need a material symbol as proof? Do they need to hear it? Do they need to feel it? You might try everything. Then you can observe their reactions to each thing you do and see what they respond best to.

When you learn to say "I love you" in the way your partner understands it best it brings your relationship to a whole new level. It certainly did with mine!