Now this may all seem in very bad taste. But before you read it, I’d like you to know a few facts. Not Frog facts – but this: I had another Hubber speak to me about a woman, her friend, Debbie.

Debbie suffers from MS (Multiple Sclerosis) and has been particularly unwell for a good few years now. She’s now at the stage where she’s lost the use of her limbs and is reduced to living in a wheelchair. From what I know, Debbie – despite her health – has been a rock to the Hubber in question. As she was prior to her illness.

The fact that she continues to be the same friend, despite the obvious negatives that her condition brings with it – shows the steel that runs through Debbies’ core. And, whether she knows or know, or can accept it or not, Debbie remains loved, cherished and above all – honoured by those that know her.

And the Hubber spoke to me about her friend because of the following: Once a week she spends the day with Debbie. Obviously she cares for her and meets her needs – but mostly because of their friendship. She does this for love. Recently, when with Debbie, she decided to read her one of my hubs. One from the Book of Frog series – ironically about death.

Debbie was, I’m told, delighted. And so she had more read to her. In the end, Debbies’ mood lifted to the point whereby she became consumed by laughter. My Hubber friend informs me that she cannot remember the last time that Debbie was so happy – or laughing.

And that little fact practically moved me to tears.

And so I offered to write a hub just for Debbie. About her condition – and the positives. She will appreciate my slant, my humour and wouldn’t deem it in bad taste. So I ask you to think of Debbie when you read this. And understand that it’s written for her. She was given the choice of approval prior to publishing – it’s published because she wanted it so. If she can find humour in this – so can you. If not – I make no apologies. I wrote this as a personal hub – for Debbie. This is hers.

Because deep down, despite the hardships MS has brought with it – there’s always room for laughter. Even if it does come from a very acerbic frog.

And so – you’re viewing life from a wheelchair. Instead of the use of your legs, arms and other general bodily functions, you get a wheelchair. Is that some kind of stitch up – or not?

As far as I can tell, you can either give up. Or get with it. The wheelchair that is. Become at one with your disabilities and milk that damn wheeled frame for all it’s worth. It’s nothing I wouldn’t do. I could slack just as easily with all bodily functions disengaged as I could fully mobile. Only I could slack with aplomb.

And because I’ve no need to justify why I’m slacking …

So all you’ve got going on is your neck and everything above it? Not much right? Not in my opinion. Because the single biggest tool we’ve got is our mouth.

And all the cool noises we can emit and eject – joy. And don’t get me started on the fun I’d have with my eyebrows and smile/frown muscles.

I’d win the Olympics in Looks Of Utter Irony or even The Ultimate Mouthpiece. Imagine the fun …

Ok don’t. Let me help you see the positives in what’s good about Wheelchair Life.

Let’s state the obvious: Your body may be treacherous – but you’re surrounded by able bodied individuals. So – use theirs. A bit like body snatching. Only without any nasty body contact. And/or wet patches …

Start small. Don’t alarm anyone as to what it is you’re doing. Aim low – climb high. That’s my motto. Ask for unreachable reachable things. Like a glass of milk. Or juice. Then up the anti. Start asking for twice as much milk/juice. Triple it. Then shout – ‘Crap. Pissed myself’ Fall about laughing.

Then remind everyone that you’ve got a bag attached to your leg … so it’s cool, you’re dry. Wait a second. Then say ‘but now it needs emptying …’ Laugh once more. Or at least raise a smirk – for effect.

Get the picture?

Now I know folks around you are going to start whining. But that’s when you can always fall back on the Trump Card. ‘If only I could do it myself ...’ [Insert long sigh] For effect.

Remember Debbie – effects are everything.

So now you’ve got your able-bodies trained. You can move along. Go for walks. Or rather – wheels. Involve yourself with your local community. Only at the able-bodies expense. And try and plan your route to involve hill climbing. They need to be fit. And it’s your job to keep them fit. They’ve got you to care for. No use to you if they’re half dead. That’s your job. Not theirs.

And you’re filling that vacancy quite nicely

Fancy a nice, neat checklist about what’s cool when you’re ass is firmly planted in a wheelchair? Some helpful and handy hints and tips? Read on:

• When you’re having a bad hair day – it’s no longer your fault
• No one will ever expect you to hoover
• Wash-up
• Or take out the trash
• You’ll never again have to rinse his hairs out the tub
• Or yours come to think of it
• Floors need sweeping? Not your problem
• Cupboards empty – same thing
• You can adopt a semi-permanent look of misery
• And no one will mind
• You get priority at airlines
• Supermarkets
• And the city builds you ramps
• You don’t have to queue
• Make way for others
• Or apologise when you mow someone down. You’re not driving – remember
• And …the best bit … no more ‘headaches’. Ever.
• But you may have to start developing … toothaches …

So take heart Debbie – there’s so much you can do from a wheelchair. And no one will ever complain. At least within your hearshot. But that doesn’t count. What the ears don’t hear – the mouth won’t scream about …

Wishing you the best of what you have got – and a lighter mood and absolutely no power dribbling what so ever – FD.

PS - I just got the okay from Debbie to publish this. If you disagree and it's in bad taste - take it up with her, not me. I'm just the medium. And yes yes yes ... they always shoot the messenger.

Well that's a load of horsehit. It really is her fault. From Debbie:

                "I laughed till I peed... or ran out of air.. which ever came first.  You wouldn't believe the stories I could tell you that you would have so much fun with.  Please publish, and let your imagination go wild.  Crabby Debtree."

And judging by the above message she may will be sucking on oxygen right around now and disregard the bit about peeing. She can't technically wet her pants. It's a metaphor.

It's just something she'd love to do. I imagine.