There are many people who misjudge other people and make it a little harder for that particular person to live life on life terms.I am not sure if some figure I can not see what they see,but I tend to see more than anyone else, I remember people use to tell me that I am my worst critic and that may be true but I do not know anything else, except negativity.

for the past three years going on four years I have not had any of my four kids with me, some would think be happy you have a break, well that's not true, I never really considered me needing a break from my children, yes at times it was hard for me to deal with the four babies on my own, but they were all so unique in their own little way that I could never see my life without having them be a part of it. They are so precious, with their angel faces. and to know that I am missing out on so much, tears me up inside, it feels like someone has taken a knife stuck it in my heart and just kept twisting and turning the blade as far as it will go.

My kids are too young to know anything except mommie is not here and we miss her, and I know at times they think it is their fault and I hate to know that they feel like i abandoned them just like my biological mother did with me. I try to stay in contact with my kids as often as possible but their are times that spiteful things are done to me to where i have no phone conversations with them and then when I say something I am told no its not  like that I would never do that but I know just by the things my babies tell me  that is a load of bullshit, and in the long run the person does not realize they are hurting me but most of all they are hurting the kids.

Children are made to be children they should not be involved with grown up business cause that is our job, but my kids have asked me so many questions to the point I have no choice but to believe that the people around them are bad mouthing me.I just tell them that mommie is sorry and I LOVE THEM, sometimes I am at a loss for words because some of the wrong things come out of nowhere, I am no angel, but I am not the devil either and that is how I am treated, we all make bad mistakes and wrong choices, but their is no need to throw it back in the person's face and make them feel like dirt underneath your shoe. What others get out of treating people this way I will never know , I know I can not control what others think of me even though I try very hard, but I have come to the conculsion that I am just going to have to do me for the purpose of my well being and so I can get  back to my kids ASAP. Cant please everyone and I would like to discover what true happiness is inside and out