Certainly the hardest situation for me in this blended family environment is how it affects my 6 year- old daughter. She is the most amazing little girl, to me, of course; and she adapted to the move from Holland to the U.S., from speaking Dutch to speaking English, from being an only child to being a middle child amazingly well. Better then any one of us I would say, here she found her place, her home and she tells me she never wants to get on a plain again.

Now that she has siblings, I’m faced with being fair, protecting her when needed, letting them sort things out…With Lindsey, the youngest, everything goes well. Lindsey loves to play with Jessica, follows her around and her name is the first word than comes out of her mouth when she arrives to our house on Sunday morning. Jessica is delighted to have a younger sister she can teach things and take care of.

With Ashley it’s an all other story, she can be wonderful and play with Jessica for hours (even if it is in a bossy matter, that always) but she can also be mean, even cruel and bully Jessica every chance she gets.

There have been times I’m afraid she will hurt her physically, even if not on purpose but by an action taken too far (still in my memory and still hurting, once when she was mad and Jessica was trying to leave her own room she quickly closed the door with Jessica’s head stuck in the middle… took all I had to not freak out on her because I knew she did it on purpose to hurt her).

Further than that, there are the usual hurtful words: “you’re stupid, you’re ugly, I hate you…”.

I try to balance the moments I intervene and the moment I let Jessica defend herself; I try to picture how I would act if they were both my children, full sisters, and act accordingly…it’s not easy. It hurts so much to see your child hurt because of a situation you put her in and I carry that responsibility heavily with me.

Strange thing is, Jessica adores her; she’ll do whatever Ashley tells her to do just to spend time with her and get her attention. So many times I tell her: “Just ignore her.” But she won’t, the things Ashley says and does matter to her, sometimes making her happy and sometimes making her sad.

I remember my relationship with my brother (7 years older),as being a turbulent one and they remind me of it so many times …are they just sisters being sisters in this common love/hate relationship filled with manipulation and jealousy or is the Stepsister relationship a different more difficult one?