Women Carrying Condoms: Slutty or Smart?

Before I hop right into my argument, I would like to set up a nice jumping base. Being a logic-lover at heart, I want to start with something solid. In this case, that would be a definition from my massive Oxford English Dictionary. This is what it says:

Slut  /slut/ n.derog. a slovenly woman .

Just in case you don’t know what slovenly means, here you go:

Slovenly /slúvenlee/ adj. & adv. *adj. careless and untidy; unmethodical

Well now, it looks like I started in the right place. I’d say carrying condoms is pretty methodical and careful. Unless you think abortions and/or unplanned pregnancies are a more responsible, less slutty choice.

                We didn’t really specify the type of condom, either. Once upon a time in the year 1988, the year I was born actually, female condoms were introduced into the world. People tend to shy away from female condoms because they are a) strange objects and b) not given away for free at UHS. However, female condoms represent marketers’ effort to create gender equality in contraceptive options. Speaking of gender equality, the male birth control pill (still in the works) is an attempt to put some of the hormone-popping burden on men. Men can’t buy women’s birth control because it has to be prescribed, but both women and men can stock up on female condoms or the more common (and probably more effective) male kind. Anything over the counter is fair game.

Fun fact: the first condom company introduced their sexual device with the slogan “Now women can have sex without getting pregnant, which is what men have been doing for years!” Even if that fun fact was a product of my imagination, something that is done as a precaution or preventative measure (wearing condoms) is inherently intelligent. What is the smart thing to do when you ride a bike? Wear a helmet. What is the smart thing to do when you have sex? Use protection.

                                I’m a little bit confused about why a woman would be called a slut for carrying condoms, but a man would not (double standard?). “Slut” is a word typically used on females, granted, but “man-slut” isn’t typically used to describe condom-carrying men. In fact, the title of “man-slut” generally has to be earned by a certain number of notches on the good ol’ belt. I’m a little disappointed that women aren’t held to the same standards as men when it comes to sluthood. We don’t usually have to work as hard. And the craftiest, most intelligent “sluts” don’t get caught; it’s the virgins that make out with people at the bar who unfairly earn the label “slut”.

Speaking of virgins, virgins can (and do) carry condoms, making the label even more inaccurate. My defense thus far has worked with my dictionary definition, but what about a more common “street” definition? “Slut” can often mean sexually promiscuous. HUGE NEWS: carrying condoms has absolutely no correlation with the number of people someone “gets sexy” with. I know a virgin who always carries a condom, actually. She’s waiting for her night of passion with Ryan Getzlaf of the Anaheim Ducks. True story (fiction, that is).

If you are angry at me for making things up, let me tell you something true. My younger sister has a condom in her wallet, and she is a virgin. It disturbs me, like most nonfiction. Let’s move on and forget about that little factoid.

I actually don’t carry condoms with me, which is shocking really, considering…oh wait, I forgot I was writing for an audience. Never mind.

What is happening in this world? There are so many amoral females carrying condoms, harming billions and billions of people with their ((gasp)) sex lives. We might have bigger problems, but I’m not sure, I haven’t been watching the news regularly…probably because I am slovenly.

If a girl wants to carry condoms, good for her. It takes some of the burden off men—saves them a trip and/or some cash. Whether the condom is for a booty call, a boyfriend, future prince charming, or Ryan Getzlaf is none of my business. My business is that ya’ll keep it safe, baby boys and girls. Life as a mistake baby isn’t pretty…I would know. Our fathers keep telling us “I should have worn a condom, but your mother was such a slut that she didn’t have one” and then we end up writing articles like these.

I rest my case.