I am a Staff Sergeant in the United Stated Army. I was assigned to the 3rd Battalion 504 Parachute Infantry Regiment 82nd Airborne Division out of Ft. Bragg NC., and then when the Army shifted into "BCT's" or Brigade Combat Teams, dropping from three infantry battalions to two, my battalion was pushed to the newly reactivated 508 PIR making us 1/508 PIR. Enough of the confusing brigade, battalion stuff and trying to figure out just what they are and how they are made up. I only include this for active duty Army soldiers who might reach out. I say I was in the 82nd Airborne because just before my enlistment was up in Feb. 2008, I was in Afghanistan and had to be medically taken out of the country. That's when my long medical journey began.

If you have never been to Walter Reed Army Hospital go. Well at least if you are in D.C. it's a must for any American who wants to really know what's going on. Look at these brave men and women who smile as they go about with no legs in a wheel chair. See how they will let you in the elevator before them, because that's what they were trained to do. They have pride and they don't want your pitty. I've spent roughly 40 days in that hospital, including three surgeries.

To give you a back ground on me I'll briefly explain my injuries. I am one of the lucky ones. I have all my fingers and toes, but I do have chronic pain as well as chronic PTSD. There I said it, the most taboo of words in the infantry, especially the military, PTSD. I was diagnosed in 2006 after a tour in Iraq where I worked out of Ramadi, and Al Asad air base. I turned down treatment due to the stigma, and deployed to Afghanistan in early January 2007. I also sustained a serious spinal injury that is on going and has left me with permanant nerve damage. The PTSD was brought on by numerous fire fights, resulting in innocent people dying and being mamed, as well as watching a well respected soldier in my company die a slow death. I started to hallucinate, seeing dead children, and actually speaking to them and hearing them cry. The spinal injury was caused by falling in a dry creek bed while carrying a simulated dead soldier, while we were both wearing our full kit at the Non Commisioned Officers course. This happened in 2006 and since no one beleived me that I was hurt I never got an MRI, or proper treatment. This resulted in permanant nerve damage, I only just started with these surgeries eleven months ago with my last three months ago.

I started this writing because I want people to know why we fight. This is the first of many posts that I will write, some graphic and extremly painfull to relive, but nesassary to tell so that people understand. I want people to ask questions, and soldiers to relate to these posts. If I can get a fraction of the people in America to listen to what I'm saying, and they really listen they might understand what it's like to be a soldier.

If you were to ask an Army General how the troop morale is, they would say that it is high, that might be so if you're a soldier who lives in a comfortable base out of harms way from the bullets. If you were to ask a grunt he would say otherwise. Not because he is weak, but because of the fact that we take grid squares on the map just to give them up to the enemy. It's no ones fault not even the Generals who plan the missions it's the lack of man power to hold an area and rid it of insurgents for good. This also leads to mulitple deployments, I know men who have served their country five times in roughly seven years. Divorce, infodelity, alcohol, and drug abuse are soon to follow. You have to have a strong wife to get through this. Bad dreams, loss of sleep, temper problems, and numerous other problems WILL occur. There is no stopping this for a grunt. You mentally kill yourself to do your job for your country, because you have to be ready to die, and face that fear.

So why do we do it. Is it to spread demoracy, find weapons of mass destruction, liberate women? No. Brave men and women of this country who are dead or missing limbs did it for the soldier next to them. When the bullets fly you are fighting for your lifes, and the person to your right and left, not for an American sitting at home watching TV, trust me in those situations Americans are the furthest thing from your mind. If you ask a person in Iraq what they are fighting for, they probably wouldn't know what to say besides the man next to him. I fought farmers and foriegners coming in from ancient wadi trails from Iran, and Syria. That's not to say that was their nationality, that I don't know. I won't blame a Syrian or Iranian, but that's where they entered Iraq from. If you ask a grunt in Afghanistan what they are fighting for they will say the same. It's the man to their left and right. However when I was in Afghanistan I did feel that I was fighting terrorists, to a point. Some Afghan fighters were just farmers trying to protect their poppy crop.

I think believe terrorists live among us in the United States and that scares me. However when people say to me, thank you for fighting for our countries freedom, I smile and say you're welcome. I really just want to say, are you kidding me, your freedom, when was it in danger. Until the Taliban creates a Navy and Air Force you can rest easy, your freedom is safe. Sure we are making it hard for them to attack the United States by fighting on their soil, but this war is not going to be one that has any kind of victory. I do believe Afganistan is a worthy cause, but I just can't say the same for Iraq. We haven't lost the war in Iraq, but we have lost something, the men and women who have gone to Iraq and stood in the line of fire have lost something. Iraq will be a scar, that will never go away, and the insurgents will celibrate the day we leave as a victory. That is a shame. I lost friends, and I lost a piece of my heart in Iraq.

I want people to realize that this country is at war, and a war is fought by citizens who answer the call. American mothers should thank a soldier for enlisting so that her boy or girl is not drafted, not thank you for defending freedom, I am proud of the fact that so many citizens have raised their right hand to join the military. The fact is however that when I was fighting in the irrigation systems of Afghanistan, I was fighting with cooks, and clerks. I won't say a bad thing about them. For people who aren't trained to kill they did fine. That does mean though that we are undermaned more troops are needed our were at least, now that Iraq is coming to an end. The number of soldiers who are active are still too small a number to rid Afghanistan of the Taliban, I would say we need near one million to finish it.

Why did I fight? Because I love America and the American Government needed fighters on the ground. That's why I joined the infantry, and have no regrets.

These posts will be a series of topics on the military, and my experiences including fire fights that took place 30 meters from the enemy like a revoluntionary war battle, military healthcare, being a new soldier and the incredible hazing that takes place, and anything that is brought up through my writings. I invite anyone to say what they will about my views. Here is one view that I won't debate. " Stand behind our troops, or stand in front of them". I don't know who came up with that saying, but amen. I could have used some soldier hater in front of me to block bullets many times.

I've started from the end, and will end with the begining. So stay with me. Also please check out the pictures below. I'll add more with each posting.

Note: For anyone who wonders about my username, it's my Alpha Team's name, which I led. Also I'm a grunt, I have been my whole adult life, whether it was constrution or shooting the bad guy I never did quite learn how to write well. So if punctuaion and basic english rules are your thing then don't read what I have to say. If you want a good story ignore my lack of knowledge on proper writing, because the story is what counts.

words written owned by "team donkey"