12 Funny Prayers To Show Thanks For Your Food

Good Food


Good food,

Good meat,

Good God,

Let's eat!

By Cousin Buddy

(When we were kids my Cousin Buddy from Ohio would always say this prayer.)

Debbie T. Alsup

Secret Kitchen Dinner Prayer

Dear Lord,

as you know,

We asked those who we knew

could make a meat dish sublime,

And those who we knew

prepare questionable meals all the time,

each to do their part,

so none would feel lefted out,

the real cookers,

will bring the meat dishes,

excuse us Lord,

the others will wash them out.

We thank you God for this meal

Bless our thoughts to be truthful

and our words to not be mean,

we just want this dinner

to be one of the best we've seen.

Amen.

Debbie T. Alsup

Thank You Grandma

Thank you Grandma,

For this food,

That you have made soooo good,

Wrung the chicken,

Plucked it's feathers,

Lit the fire,

Chopped the wood,

Folded the mixture

Watched it rise,

Baked the bread,

Picked the fruit,

Made 6 pies,

Shucked the corn,

Washed them clean,

Whew!

I'm tired,

Lord,

Bless this scene.

Debbie T.. Alsup

Clarity

Dear Lord,

I pray my soufflé doesn't drop,

my biscuits make their rise,

I pray my new prune pudding

puts clarity in a few new eyes.

Amen.

Debbie T. Alsup

A Funny Prayer

Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
Incited by my wicked diet.

"We are what we eat," said a wise old man,
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain,
With my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength that I may not fall,
Into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
That my soul may be polyunsaturated

And show me the light that I may bear witness,
To the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleomargarine I'll never mutter,
For the road to Hell is paved with butter.

And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
And Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in pepperoni,
The Devil himself in each slice of bologna.

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
And Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice,
Cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,
Deliver me from jujube's.
And when my days of trial are done,
And my war with malted milk balls won,

Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe -- size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
The virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
And of pasta a la Milanese.
And crisp-fried chicken from the South,
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth!

Amen

By Maiou

Jesus Fed

Lazarus rose,

Moses Led,

Noah built,

Jesus fed.

Amen

Debbie T. Alsup

Thank You

Thank you for this food we'll eat,

Thank you for this meet and greet,

Thank you for the hands that hold

the pots and the mixing bowl.


Our Father

Our Father who art in heaven,

Thank you for family,

Thank You for friends,

Thank you for __________ ( fill in whatever name or title you like)

Not,

Burnig the food again.

Amen.

Debbie T. Alsup

A Farm Family Prayer

Glory To Thee O Lord,

We gather together once again

To Thank you for the gracious plenty

our farm has yielded this year,

Thank you for livestock growth,

fruit overwhelming

corn from ear to ear,

Now let's raise our glasses

filled with our own fresh milk for a toast,

enjoy the fruits of our labor

dig in and have seconds

on the pot roast.

Amen.

Debbie T. Alsup

Shush

This food we bless

to stand the test

of great cooks

we have known,

Let your palate

be the mallet

and keep any unpleasant comments

for your ride back home.

Amen.

Debbie T. Alsup

"I Can't Cook"

Dear Lord,

Just a note to you,

Help my laziness in the kitchen.

I know I can do better.


When the ladies guild

asks me to bring a dish,

"I can't cook," always my reply

"She can't cook,"

echoes in the background

or a few mumbling voices standing by,

but I happily bring in

a can or two

of vegetables to my delight

to add to the list of the

church menu that night.

Help me to practice my cooking skills.

Amen.

Debbie T. Alsup

All In

Lord,

Thank you for the many gifts

of silver and of gold,

Thank you for the biggest bird

our eyes have been blessed

to unfold,

Thank you for the stomachs full

that will leave this room,

Thank you that all make sure

before they go,

to remember

to wipe the table,

wash a dish

or use a broom.

Amen.

Debbie T.Alsup

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Comments 8 comments

sumaya 6 years ago

i love this website its the best everrr it made me laugh soo much


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BIGCSSHOP 6 years ago Author

Thanks soooooooooo much sumaya. Glad to be able to put some laughter in your life.


LeslieAdrienne profile image

LeslieAdrienne 6 years ago from Georgia

I like it....:)


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BIGCSSHOP 6 years ago Author

Thanks LeslieAdrienne, I'm glad you liked it. Please come back soon.


sarah 4 years ago

omg ha is very gud and smart


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BIGCSSHOP 4 years ago Author

Hi sarah, Thanks for visiting. I'm glad you liked our funny prayers!


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SilentMagenta 21 months ago

These are so cute and funny. I wish I had seen these before thanksgiving. I had to do the pray for the food this year but I would have rather spoke one of these.


bony watukx 4 days ago

dat's verry funy,u made me laugh soo loud

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