158 Grain Hollow Points



The family consisted of one woman and six children all under the age of sixteen. The woman was a janitor with a heart of gold. She lived with her children in a rundown unheated brick pile over on Jefferson Street. It was a dangerous, drug filled neighborhood, but it was all that she could afford. She was the type of mother who took what little money that didn't go for her rent and food and bought her children small treats. No amount of pain and suffering could cause this woman to lose her focus. She was dedicated to her children, and would lay down her life for them.

On that January 17th she put all her children to sleep in a small crowded room with donated mattresses, and she waited a half hour or so to finally rest her weary body. And then a moment of pure terror. It started with some sort of thunderous banging, some kind of battering ram, was heaving against the front door. Metal hitting rotting wood in the darkness. Shrill high pitched noises spilled in, as a violent, nocturnal rush clattered toward the sleeping family, bullying its way through the dark hallway.

.38's drawn with 158 grain hollow points. Weapons that could cause tremendous damage.

Beyond the darkness of her bedroom she could see the shadows floating by, knocking over everything in their way. The raid was precise and demanding. The violence was accurate and persisting.

The shadows would walk through a cramped labyrinth of closets and hallways as they started shooting at everything that moved. The raid was mentally long, but in reality it only lasted two minutes.

One of the shadows picked up a plastic chair and slammed it upright so hard that it bounced. He realized that they had done something wrong.

The worst had come and gone, as the young mother fell to her knees at the opening of her bedroom door. Her mind would spin and go off in so many different directions. She couldn't reel in the reality. She then started to listen to her own eulogy, her children would no longer suffer from poverty, ridicule and ignorance. They would no longer miss a meal, envy other children at Christmas, or wonder where their father was.

The death of her children was a terrible tragedy and all that would remain for her was the crying and the pain.

The flashlights all went on at the same time completely lighting up the bedroom. The lead detective allowed his eyes to drift slowly into the light and he realized that they raided the wrong home. The police source that said that the drug-lords they were looking for at that address was incorrect. His heart could not stop pounding and his head throbbed. The heels of his hands were shot through with pain. His teeth were clenched and a buzzing sound invaded his brain. He felt as if his head might explode. His strength had left him as he leaned against the wall and slowly slid down until he was in a seated and deflated position...

© 2015 Frank Atanacio

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Comments 44 comments

tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 17 months ago from New York

The horror of this story is, it can happen! Imagine being totally innocent, just living your life and having a police raid bang into your house. This is so vivid Frank I could feel that poor woman's fear and pain. Masterful.

Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting.


Missy Smith profile image

Missy Smith 17 months ago from Florida

Unfortunately, things like this happens everyday. It's a nightmare! Great story Frank.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

thanks so much Tilsontitan good to see you up and about and thank you too Missy Smith for checking out my flash :)


Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 17 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

Totally disturbing. It would be horrible to be in anyone's shoes. This was as though the writing wasn't there, I was just at the scene and experiencing. Well done.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you so much Eric.. that means alot


Jodah profile image

Jodah 17 months ago from Queensland Australia

Wow this sure packed a sudden punch Frank! The scary thing is that this does happen. Great writing as always. Voted up.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 17 months ago from Southern Illinois

Oh how horrible! The awful truth is this happens too often. I know it's fiction but it touched my heart...Another great episode of Frank's terrific writing. Voted up..


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you for always exploring my pages..bless you


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

Jodah thank you too for always visiting my shorts bless you bro


lyoness913 profile image

lyoness913 17 months ago from Overland Park, KS

What an awful story. Makes me cry for all involved.

-Wendi


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you lyoness


billybuc profile image

billybuc 17 months ago from Olympia, WA

It was very hard to tell if this was fiction or non-fiction. There are things happening daily in this country that would give most of us nightmares for years....you captured it perfectly.


Lee Cloak 17 months ago

Paragraph four with its description of shadows and violence is truly fantastic as is the entire story Frank, another really great read, have a great weekend, thanks for sharing, voted up, Lee


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

Thank you so much Billybuc for visiting my 158 Grain.. bless you


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

Lee Cloak thanks for commenting on this hub..bless you


Ruchira 17 months ago

Gosh! Such a tragedy

My heart skipped a heart beat when the mother heard her own eulogy

The sentiments were pouring n so vivid that it made the reader feel as if right there.

Great writing frank


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you so much Ruchira :)


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

oh and thank you Faith for catching that type-o Bless you


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 17 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

That certainly was a jarring read. Tight and unnerving.


clivewilliams profile image

clivewilliams 17 months ago from Nibiru

frank...that family sounded black....that's the real deal you wrote their buddy.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 17 months ago from England

Scary stuff frank! and all to true, this happens, which makes it horrifying! great story as always!


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 17 months ago from southern USA

"u r" welcome, NUTmeg : ) Been traveling about all day and enjoying the day off for the long weekend. I am back on my laptop now and can vote up and share. I "wanna" know why I can't share or vote up via my phone? As you know, I read this early this morning on my phone, and read it again to get the full scope of your gripping tale just now.

Exceptionally great writing here and all too terrifying! You certainly draw us into their hell right here on earth.

Up awesome, interesting and useful and tweeting, pinning, G+ and sharing

God bless you and yours, and I hope you have an amazing and safe Fourth,

Theresa


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 17 months ago from southern USA

Oops, looks like your edit did not take on the summary of your profile for some reason though ...


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you mckbird and clive for reading my hollow points


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

Nell Rose thank you for stoppig by.. and Faith thanks for the heads up again and thank you for reading my hollow points hope ur having a fantastic fourth w/e


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 17 months ago from USA

Phenomenal writing as always. You are a master of your craft, Frank.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

Flourish as always thank you for the visit


BlossomSB profile image

BlossomSB 17 months ago from Victoria, Australia

Sadly, this is too close to real life. A gripping story!


MsDora profile image

MsDora 17 months ago from The Caribbean

"She couldn't reel in the reality." Who can? Even the possibility is hard to fathom, but if anyone can paint it with words, you can. Amazing story teller -- you!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you so much Blossoms and MsDora for reading my hollow points


Genna East profile image

Genna East 17 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

This is so tragic, Frank, and all too real. Your imagery brings that home, in spades. You are still a master of this genre.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you so much Genna East :) bless you


aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 17 months ago from Stillwater, OK

You made the terror come to life for the police, as well as the woman in the story. I couldn't imagine such a horrific thing, but it must happen over and over again. Having been in police work, this is something that I would never forget had it been in my life.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you aviannovice for sharing your comment :)


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 17 months ago from West Virginia

Wow, what a deep story Frank. Things like this happen everyday, innocent children caught in the cross fire of gang shootings. I enjoy reading your hubs. Keep em coming.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

hey lyric good to see you bro.. thanks for reading my hollow points :)


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 17 months ago from California

Ugh--felt this one Frank--so sad


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 17 months ago from Shelton Author

Audrey thanks and good to see you old friend :)


SheGetsCreative profile image

SheGetsCreative 16 months ago from Seattle, WA

Awesome writing Frank, as always. So sad that most of us can comprehend what you've described with very little "imagination" needed.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 16 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you so much shegetscreative :)


bizarrett81 profile image

bizarrett81 16 months ago from Maine

Absolutely heartbreaking. And scary that it could happen! Voted up!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 16 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you bizarreti


Richardraxy 14 months ago

I enjoy the efforts you have put in this, appreciate it for all the great posts.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 14 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you Richardraxy

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