20 Questions -- No Limit to Bad Answers! (Interactive Humor)

We have all had to come up with an answer to that question that we just know has no right answer. We struggle and squirm and stutter, but sooner or later we have to come up with something . Usually the problem is the truth will hurt someone -- the person asking the question, a friend you are supposed to be covering for, maybe even you . But we do not want to tell an out-and-out lie. So what are we to do?

Well, I cannot really help you with that question, but in this hub I have offered some often tricky questions we would all probably prefer to avoid and provided some not-so-ideal answers to these questions that will hopefully generate a chuckle or two. Rather than just giving you one answer or even a few answers for each question, I decided to make it interactive so you can choose your favorite response from four offered responses. Feel free to make suggestions and add answers or even questions in the comments section.

I think it will be very interesting to see which answers people find the funniest or most interesting. It would be great if we could break it down by gender because I would bet there would be some differences in responses between the boys and girls! If you giggle here and there or maybe even laugh out loud a time or two, please remember to hit the "funny" button at the bottom of the hub. This one will take you a few minutes, but I think you will find it well worth the time.

Now, if everyone is ready, let's dive in and start off with that question that every man in a relationship fears...

When your significant other asks, "Do these jeans make me look fat?"

  • Compared to what?
  • Woah! I mean... uh, no?
  • I like a woman / man with a big back end!
  • Baby, I don't think it's the jeans...
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When your neighbor asks, "My kids haven't been bothering you with their playing out in the yard have they?"

  • Kids? I thought the circus had come to town.
  • No, we hired the neighborhood bully to quieten them down.
  • No worries. I have some special Kool Aid for them if they get too rowdy.
  • Hey, it helps me keep the spouse from wanting kids!
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When the teacher asks, "Why didn't you turn in your homework?"

  • My dog ate it. I had to stuff it between two steaks, but she finally got it down.
  • It was so far below my intellectual capabilities I figured why even bother.
  • Homework is nothing more than a tool of the fascist regime intended to oppress the masses.
  • I did turn it in. You must have lost it. Where can I file a complaint?
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Getting a laugh doesn't always mean getting out of a ticket, but you never know...
Getting a laugh doesn't always mean getting out of a ticket, but you never know...

When the police officer asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

  • I think the important thing to know is, do you?
  • Well, I've never been able to get this baby above 120...
  • I'll be honest with you, offislur... When I am this drunk it is hard to keep an eye on the speeder... spuddum... speed thingy.
  • Apparently not fast enough!
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When a girl's dad asks, "Where have you been all night?"

  • Now daddy! A girl has to have her secrets!
  • Well, um, have you talked to the cops yet?
  • Wow! I thought your first question would be about what happened to the car...
  • Don't worry, daddy! There were plenty of guys there looking out for me!
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When a guy's dad asks, "Where have you been all night?"

  • Your guess is as good as mine, dude!
  • Can I get back to you once I get rid of this hangover?
  • Dad, have you ever heard the expression "what you don't know can't hurt you"?
  • Don't worry, Dad. I'm sure I didn't do anything you wouldn't have done!
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When a parent asks, "So do you think this is Mr. / Mrs. Right?"

  • With all the sexually transmitted diseases he / she has? I don't think so!
  • I think he / she is just using me for the sex.
  • I am just using him / her for the sex.
  • Well, Mom / Dad seems to like him / her. They've been talking in the bedroom for hours.
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When your date's parent's ask, "So what do your folks do?"

  • As little as possible.
  • Jeez! You guys are kind of nosey, aren't you?
  • Look, we can skip the small talk. I'm just here for the sex.
  • Oh, I am not allowed to discuss that with strangers.
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Do you think any of Rev. Harold Camping's congregation used "at home packing for the Rapture" as an excuse for missing church?
Do you think any of Rev. Harold Camping's congregation used "at home packing for the Rapture" as an excuse for missing church?

When the preacher asks, "Why haven't you been to church?"

  • It interferes with my golf game.
  • Isn't Sunday supposed to be a day of rest?
  • I figure if I'm going to sleep I might as well stay in bed.
  • I cannot afford the membership dues.
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When your landlord asks, "When are you going to get caught up on your rent?"

  • Would you rather have a tenant who pays or a tenant who stays?
  • With what I am spending on beer and gambling, who can say?
  • I'll see what I can do when I get back from my European vacation.
  • I don't have it quite yet but I'm sure I'll hit the lottery soon.
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When the bartender asks, "Don't you think you have had enough?"

  • I don't know. How many have I had?
  • Why are you guys asking me that?
  • These don't have alcohol in them, do they?
  • I don't seem able to think at all right now. Maybe another drink will clear my head.
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When your mother-in-law asks, "How old do you think I am?"

  • I'm sure having kids aged you beyond your years.
  • Hmmm... Let's see... How many facelifts have you had?
  • How nice! I hope I can still form coherent questions at your age!
  • Oh, I'm sure you still have a few good years left.
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Be careful when joking around with airport security. They really do not have much of a sense of humor these days...
Be careful when joking around with airport security. They really do not have much of a sense of humor these days...

When airport security asks, "Did you pack your luggage yourself?"

  • You don't think I would trust anyone else with that much weed, do you?
  • Sure, I packed the bags, but does that really make you feel safer?
  • Of course! I figured with this being my last trip I should take care of everything myself.
  • Do you think I would tell an infidel like you if I did not?
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When the judge asks, "How do you plead?"

  • I answer to no man!
  • I respectfully decline to take sides, Your Honor.
  • Not guilty! No wait... Guilty. I mean not guilty! Oh, I don't know...
  • Oh, you would just love to see me beg, woudn't you?
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When your boss asks, "Why do you think you deserve a raise?"

  • Well, you do want me to keep quiet about what goes on with your secretary, don't you?
  • You could never find anyone else to do this horrible job for what you pay me.
  • I am just going to skim it off petty cash anyway, so you might as well make it legit.
  • I have recently given up booze and drugs so I may actually start doing some work now.
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When your best friend asks, "Do you think my spouse would cheat on me?"

  • Why? Do you think he / she likes me?
  • Hey, fidelity isn't all it's cracked up to be!
  • Absolutely! Oh wait... Did you mean in the future? I thought you meant in the past? Maybe not.
  • Oh, I am sure of it! But he / she is going to leave you, anyway so I wouldn't worry about it too much.
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When the doctor asks, "Have you been taking your medication as prescribed?"

  • I liked those little yellow pills so they went kind of fast.
  • I find I get a better buzz if I set my own dosing schedule.
  • Sure, unless it interferes with my partying and drinking.
  • They come with instructions?
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Mental illness is no joke, so be sure your therapist knows if you are not being serious!
Mental illness is no joke, so be sure your therapist knows if you are not being serious!

When your psychiatrist asks, "Have you had any unusual feelings lately?"

  • Nothing that can't be explained by going off my meds!
  • You mean unusual like an unquenchable desire for violence? Not really.
  • Only when I mix the drugs with too much alcohol.
  • Are hallucinations considered feelings?
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When at a party your girlfriend / boyfriend asks,"Do you think that girl / guy is sexy?"

  • Baby, you know pretty people aren't my type.
  • Hmm... Let me go get a closer look...
  • Wow! Um, I mean which one?
  • I guess maybe in a one night stand sort of way...
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When the IRS auditor asks, "Have you declared all sources of income?"

  • I don't have to report income from illegal activities, do I?
  • Why? Did you find something I didn't mention?
  • Everything that would be under this social security number.
  • Oh my God! You found out about my HubPages account, didn't you?
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Comments 6 comments

MasonicTraveler profile image

MasonicTraveler 5 years ago from Los Angeles, California

funny stuff


MariD3 profile image

MariD3 5 years ago from United States

Pretty amusing!?!


Quddus profile image

Quddus 5 years ago

Ha ha! This was a very funny hub. I enjoyed choosing my answers!


johndnathan profile image

johndnathan 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas. USA

I FINISHED!

HUZZAH!

.... too late for a huzzah?


Sarah Davidson 3 years ago

OMG I have tears in my eyes! Hilarious!


Bk42author profile image

Bk42author 2 years ago from New York

Hysterical!

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