25 Reasons Wisconsin Kicks Your States Butt!

#1 Our cheese is simply better than yours.

Wisconsin cheese is amazing. It's hands down the best in the country. Sure, we are absorbing tons more cholesterol and saturated fat than you, but you only live once!

#2 We have a baseball team called the friggin' beers.

Yeah that's right our baseball team is called the Milwaukee Brewers. If you've seen the movie baseketball you know they parodied our team, but it's so true. Our baseball team is pretty much called the beers. It's awesome.

#3 I eat your weight in brats every year, but i'm still in better shape than you are.

Did you know that brats are a food group? What's that you say? They're not? IN WISCONSIN THEY ARE!!

#4 We're pretty good at football.

Last year the packers won the Super Bowl, the Badgers played in the Rose Bowl, and UW Whitewater won the division 3 NCAA national championship for the second year in a row. Whitewater has played in every NCAA championship since 2004. Our high school teams aren't bad either.

#5 We're pretty much immune to the cold.

Most humans have trouble adjusting to temperatures around twenty below zero fahrenheit. We jump in the water and pretend that we're polar bears.

#6 We're the home of the driftless area.

That's right, at one point in time we had an area of the state that was so badass it flipped off a glacier and told it to go flatten some other part of the country... That's how tough Wisconsin is.

#7 We have devil's lake

This place is amazing. It's one of the most beautiful places in the country. If you make a trip here you have to visit it.

>>> http://www.devilslakewisconsin.com/ <<<

#8 Do not challenge someone from Wisconsin to a snowball fight.

You will lose. Hands down. Not only do we have experience but miller light numbs pain.

#9 Tip back your glass!

Wisconsin has five major breweries and over 25 microbreweries. Most of them are pretty good!

#10 Wisconsin is kind of shaped like a glove.

What? Florida is shaped like a penis. Would you rather have that?

#11 Our river will eat you. Do not go swimming.

The Wisconsin river is dangerous. The only two rivers in the world that are more dangerous are the Nile and the Amazon, and they are dangerous because of what lives in them. The Wisconsin river has extremely swift currents and deadly whirl pools. This one is no joke, stay away from the river!

#12 We have a lot of cows. Be jealous.

We have approximately 1,279,000 cows here in Wisconsin. If we equipped our cows with weapons and marched them into Canada we could probably take it over. That's what i'm talking aboot!

#13 With great cows comes a great deal of milk.

Any day that I don't drink a gallon of milk is a bad day. I'm pretty much addicted.

#14 Contrary to popular belief cows will not eat you.

Apparently people from urban areas are scared to death of cows. Cows are pretty docile. They are like big dogs and are usually much more afraid of you than you are of them.

#15 Wisconsin is the birthplace of greatness!

Heather Graham was born in Wisconsin. So was Chris Farley, Gene Wilder, Willam Dafoe, Frank Caliendo, Bob Uecker, Kurtwood Smith, Bud Selig, ANNNNNNDDD the Gideon bible! I know the Gideon Bible isn't a person but I had to include it in this list. Don't forget Les Paul the legendary inventor of the electric guitar! That guy ruled!

#16 If you are from another state do not... i repeat DO NOT try to out drink someone from Wisconsin.

You may have tipped back a few in your day, but people from Wisconsin are trained professionals. Attempting to out drink someone from Wisconsin can lead to serious injury and or death.

#17 The leading alcohol Consuming Countries in the world are as follows;

#3 Finland, #2 Ireland, and #1 Wisconsin. Yes, Wisconsin actually becomes a country in the category of alcohol consumption. Due to the massive quantities of football, beer, cheese, and brats once a party starts it rarely stops.

#18 Wolves are like big dogs, except for they are scary.

The Wisconsin wolf population is estimated at just over 800 animals. I saw one once standing on the side of the road on my way to work. They are sparse, and fairly afraid of humans, but I wouldn't wander the woods at night without a flash light and a weapon.

#19 Speaking of wolves...

About 31,000 black bears live in Wisconsin. Chances are that you're not going to get eaten in the woods by wild animals, but make sure you educate yourself before you decide to explore the wilderness.

#20 Wisconsin has more lakes than Minnesota.. deal with it!

Minnesota claims to be the land of 10,000 lakes and blah blah blah. Whatever! Wisconsin has more lakes and the Vikings suck!

#21 How about them apples?

Johnny friggin' appleseed was pretty much from Wisconsin. He planted tons of orchards shortly after he beat up Chuck Norris.

#22 On average...

Most people from Wisconsin can beat up Chuck Norris. He's not that tough. He would probably cry if he had to deal with the type of weather that we do.

#23 Cranberries? We got em'

Wisconsin is the leading producer of cranberries IN THE WORLD. That's right, no bladder infections here! (At least not for long)

#24 Muskies are scary big

Our state fish the musky can grow to be over a hundred pounds. That's pretty Gi-normous for a freshwater fish.

#25 If you don't like the weather...

Wait five minutes.. it'll change! Come visit us!

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Comments 28 comments

Carolyn2008 profile image

Carolyn2008 5 years ago from Boston

Great Hub!


Drjacki profile image

Drjacki 5 years ago from North Carolina

Those are some really fun facts about your great State! And your title ROCKS!


anonymouse 4 years ago

Sounds like @piercena is jealous.


SonQuioey10 profile image

SonQuioey10 4 years ago from Williamston NC

Funny Hub, the river eating people statement, I'm really not going to be too jealous of that one, but on a whole, everything else is pretty impressive. Wisconsin cheese is awesome.


CJWood71 profile image

CJWood71 4 years ago from Florida, USA

Excellent hub, well done and made me laugh. I spent a significant part of my youth in Michigan and I think we have you beat on the shaped like a glove bit, but otherwise a great hub. I currently live in Florida and won't comment on this states shape.


cfin profile image

cfin 3 years ago from The World we live in

Having lived in Ireland and WI I can say that we have a lot in common. Crazy weather, great cheese, lots of cows, beer, whiskey and awesome meat.


Erica 2 years ago

I'm from Michigan and I find your 'sorta shaped like a glove' reason offensive.


CallMeAl 2 years ago

Re # 16: My husband and friends were in Florida for spring break, out drinking till 4am, got up at 6a to go to a huge beer drinking contest at a local bar.. Needless to say, they were turned out at the door. There was a sign hanging above the sign in booth stating "NO Wisconsin Residents Allowed in drinking contest" I guess Wisconsinites had won the last 5 years in a row, so the bar had to ban them from the contest to allow others to win. WAY TO GO WISCO!


Sarah Heyer 2 years ago

you forgot Georgia O'keefe, she was born here


Ariana 2 years ago

Dont forget houdini!


Dale 2 years ago

Never heard of a musky over 100 pounds..... but everything else is pretty cool


Liz 2 years ago

I'm surprised there is no mention of the Wisconsin Dells. It's the freaking Water Park Capitol of the World!


Matt 2 years ago

Pat is obviously from Illinois


Rachel 2 years ago

I've lived in many states, and I can honestly say that WI has some of the nicest people I have ever met. Lived there for 19 1/2 years. Have yet to meet someone racist. Sounds like Pat is indeed from Illinois, I agree. ;o) Seriously, Pat, how can you make a generalization like that?? How rude! Still, happy holidays. :o)


Ryan 2 years ago

You missed the fact that we make 90% of the nations toilet paper!!!


Brad 2 years ago

Woah woah woah, Wisconsin is shaped like a friggin' FIST!!


Davey Gro 2 years ago

Two members of Cheap Trick, Richard Marx, The Bodeans and Holly And The Haymakers are from WI. Individually wrapped cheese slices and the hamburgers were invented here.


kristyn baron 2 years ago

you forgot that harry houdini was born in wisconsin...


john 2 years ago

The hamburger was not invented in Wisconsin, Brats were not invented in Wisconsin and neither was wrapped cheese. Those are just ridiculously obvious. Brats are German and hamburgers were invented by Louis Lassen, a Danish immigrant living in Connecticut.

Let's stick to the facts people.

The Dells is awesome!

Charles Lindbergh

The Republican Party - founded in Ripon in 1854.

Frank Lloyd Wright

Jim Abrahams

Ice Cream Sunda

Orson Wells

The Answering Machine

Colby Cheese

Four Wheel Drive Auto - by Otto Zachow and William Besserdich in 1908 in Clintonville

Gasoline Automobile - first successful in US is designed by Gottfried Schloemer and Frank Toepfer of Milwaukee

Hydroelectric Power

Snowmobile

Spedometer

Vacuum Cleaner

Typewriter


Holly 2 years ago

You forgot that I was born here. That is a great reason.


A guy... 2 years ago

That last comment is so true! In Wisconsin it can be thunderstorming then two minutes later it will just stop.


todd 2 years ago

OH Yeah and just think if we didn't eat so many fricken brats how much more beer we could drink, we probably be 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place!!!!!!

Also the jukebox was invented in Wisconsin, just like the one on happy days, you ole timers remember the one we all USED to listen to in the bars while we drank beer and ate those damned brats!!!!


Todd 2 years ago

OOOPPPs forgot

Also the first house in the US to have electricity throughout was in Appleton, Wisconsin. The same electricity that helps those who move to Wisconsin cook those damn brats indoors, we Wisconsinites do it outdoors on the da grill!!!!! With our shirts off!! just warm'n up for the frozen tundra.


jake 2 years ago

Uhhhhb summerfest?


laura 2 years ago

There are actually way more lakes in Minnesota... first off, Minnesota only counts a body of water if its over ten acres and named while Wisconsin counts them no matter what size they are or whether or not they have names. If Minnesota counted all the lakes down to those four acres large and un-named it would number over 20,000 while Wisconsin would have 15,074. But yes, the Vikings suck.


MattyJ9999 profile image

MattyJ9999 2 years ago Author

Laura,

Thank you for your wonderful and unbiased comment. The purpose of this article was mostly for comedy, and I hope you were able to get a few laughs out of it. I've been very lucky to have so many people ready this, and I appreciate your honesty and scholarship. Keep studying! :)


Hunter 23 months ago

Wow you must have been drunk when you posted this the vikings have gotten a lot better Wisconsin is one of the most broke states and being good at drinking beer is not really something to be proud of, and you know other people in the Midwest have colder temperatures than you its just like you to be a smug Packers fan that thinks he is better than everyone else and FYI I'm from Minnesota one of the best states in America look it up


Juan 20 months ago

Stop being jealous Hunter.

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