25 Reasons Wisconsin Kicks Your States Butt!
#1 Our cheese is simply better than yours.
Wisconsin cheese is amazing. It's hands down the best in the country. Sure, we are absorbing tons more cholesterol and saturated fat than you, but you only live once!
#2 We have a baseball team called the friggin' beers.
Yeah that's right our baseball team is called the Milwaukee Brewers. If you've seen the movie baseketball you know they parodied our team, but it's so true. Our baseball team is pretty much called the beers. It's awesome.
#3 I eat your weight in brats every year, but i'm still in better shape than you are.
Did you know that brats are a food group? What's that you say? They're not? IN WISCONSIN THEY ARE!!
#4 We're pretty good at football.
Last year the packers won the Super Bowl, the Badgers played in the Rose Bowl, and UW Whitewater won the division 3 NCAA national championship for the second year in a row. Whitewater has played in every NCAA championship since 2004. Our high school teams aren't bad either.
#5 We're pretty much immune to the cold.
Most humans have trouble adjusting to temperatures around twenty below zero fahrenheit. We jump in the water and pretend that we're polar bears.
#6 We're the home of the driftless area.
That's right, at one point in time we had an area of the state that was so badass it flipped off a glacier and told it to go flatten some other part of the country... That's how tough Wisconsin is.
#7 We have devil's lake
This place is amazing. It's one of the most beautiful places in the country. If you make a trip here you have to visit it.
#8 Do not challenge someone from Wisconsin to a snowball fight.
You will lose. Hands down. Not only do we have experience but miller light numbs pain.
#9 Tip back your glass!
Wisconsin has five major breweries and over 25 microbreweries. Most of them are pretty good!
#10 Wisconsin is kind of shaped like a glove.
What? Florida is shaped like a penis. Would you rather have that?
#11 Our river will eat you. Do not go swimming.
The Wisconsin river is dangerous. The only two rivers in the world that are more dangerous are the Nile and the Amazon, and they are dangerous because of what lives in them. The Wisconsin river has extremely swift currents and deadly whirl pools. This one is no joke, stay away from the river!
#12 We have a lot of cows. Be jealous.
We have approximately 1,279,000 cows here in Wisconsin. If we equipped our cows with weapons and marched them into Canada we could probably take it over. That's what i'm talking aboot!
#13 With great cows comes a great deal of milk.
Any day that I don't drink a gallon of milk is a bad day. I'm pretty much addicted.
#14 Contrary to popular belief cows will not eat you.
Apparently people from urban areas are scared to death of cows. Cows are pretty docile. They are like big dogs and are usually much more afraid of you than you are of them.
#15 Wisconsin is the birthplace of greatness!
Heather Graham was born in Wisconsin. So was Chris Farley, Gene Wilder, Willam Dafoe, Frank Caliendo, Bob Uecker, Kurtwood Smith, Bud Selig, ANNNNNNDDD the Gideon bible! I know the Gideon Bible isn't a person but I had to include it in this list. Don't forget Les Paul the legendary inventor of the electric guitar! That guy ruled!
#16 If you are from another state do not... i repeat DO NOT try to out drink someone from Wisconsin.
You may have tipped back a few in your day, but people from Wisconsin are trained professionals. Attempting to out drink someone from Wisconsin can lead to serious injury and or death.
#17 The leading alcohol Consuming Countries in the world are as follows;
#3 Finland, #2 Ireland, and #1 Wisconsin. Yes, Wisconsin actually becomes a country in the category of alcohol consumption. Due to the massive quantities of football, beer, cheese, and brats once a party starts it rarely stops.
#18 Wolves are like big dogs, except for they are scary.
The Wisconsin wolf population is estimated at just over 800 animals. I saw one once standing on the side of the road on my way to work. They are sparse, and fairly afraid of humans, but I wouldn't wander the woods at night without a flash light and a weapon.
#19 Speaking of wolves...
About 31,000 black bears live in Wisconsin. Chances are that you're not going to get eaten in the woods by wild animals, but make sure you educate yourself before you decide to explore the wilderness.
#20 Wisconsin has more lakes than Minnesota.. deal with it!
Minnesota claims to be the land of 10,000 lakes and blah blah blah. Whatever! Wisconsin has more lakes and the Vikings suck!
#21 How about them apples?
Johnny friggin' appleseed was pretty much from Wisconsin. He planted tons of orchards shortly after he beat up Chuck Norris.
#22 On average...
Most people from Wisconsin can beat up Chuck Norris. He's not that tough. He would probably cry if he had to deal with the type of weather that we do.
#23 Cranberries? We got em'
Wisconsin is the leading producer of cranberries IN THE WORLD. That's right, no bladder infections here! (At least not for long)
#24 Muskies are scary big
Our state fish the musky can grow to be over a hundred pounds. That's pretty Gi-normous for a freshwater fish.
#25 If you don't like the weather...
Wait five minutes.. it'll change! Come visit us!
Did you enjoy this hub? Check out my other "25" articles!
25 Reasons to Visit the Netherlands, Belgium, and France
More by this Author
People spend a lot of time pooping. I read an article that the average man spends three years of his life on the toilet. So why waste time while you're wasting your waste? Do these things too. 1. Read Duh! Everyone...
A funny, informative article about men's nipples—the things you wanted to know but were afraid to ask.
I'd just like to say that I am not responsible for anyone doing anything listed here. This article is written purely for reasons of comedy and If anyone is actually stupid enough to replicate anything in this list then...