The Difference Between Comic Book & Real Life Superheroes

Geek Disclaimer

Note: The following Hub makes references to Spiderman, Batman, The Hulk, and The Fantastic Four. If you have no Earthly idea who these comic book characters are, you should probably turn back now. Otherwise, continue reading with caution.

You will also learn about a real-life crime-fighter that dons a crime-fighting suit, equipped with real weapons. His secret base: a comic store in Seattle, WA.

Spiderman

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The Truth About Superheroes

In case you live in a fictional bubble, with a constant stream of comic book media piped in via a fiber optic cable, you probably already know that comic books are fiction.

That means they aren't real.

But in case you haven't already learned this, there are four very disappointing ways to find this out, because some of our very favorite comic books heroes had to go through some painful situations to get their powers.

Below are the radioactive ways that comic book heroes received their superpowers. But you will also learn that a real-life superhero took it upon himself to fight crime, and yet he is only a mortal human.

Intrigued? Well read on.

The Hulk

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4 Painfully Disappointing Radioactive Shockers

With an abundance of costuming superheroes marauding around large U.S. cities, it is time to share some real advice before someone attempts to gain super powers on their own.

4 Painfully Disappointingly Radioactive Ways to Find Out Superheroes Aren't Real:

  1. Don't forget to clip on your radiation card. Soaking up intense waves of Gamma Radiation in a test chamber will not turn you green, empowering you with Hulk-like strength. Instead it may leave your skin glowing yellow with the feeling that you are an incredble weakling before internally combusting. By the way, that burning sensation on your skin does not count as a superhero ability.
  2. The vat of radioactive chemicals bubbling below smells fresh, but is not an effective method of gaining powers. Jumping in will not grant you instant shape-shifting abilities like Clayface, nor two faces, as seen in the movie: The Dark Knight. Scars from scalding hot chemicals are not worth bragging about from a hospital bed. If you really want clear skin, try exfoliating with a cucumber-melon face wash, then finish with a nice mud mask that comes off without the use of power tools.
  3. Do not make special arrangement for a radioactive spider to bite you. Nothing incredible comes from animals biting you. Instead of gaining spider sense and web-slinging, you will only notice a deadening of the limb from necrolysis, and perhaps phantom pains - after limb amputation. Spider bites make limbless people, not spidermen.
  4. Planning on traveling to outer space in the near future? This is the only way to absorb cosmic space radiation, as done by the Fantastic Four. So that means you must have some money to throw around, since space tourists will shell out millions to go there. You can skip the tanning beds, because a blast of space radiation will probably melt you to the seat. You won't gain super-elastic skin like Mr. Fantastic, but you may have to be brought back to Earth in an Urlenmyer flask - if all of your melting skin doesn't first float off into deep space.

But wait...this all happens in the fictitious comic universe.

What about real life superheroes that really fight crime?

There are real people that only wear crime-fighting suits and carry tazers for incursions with bad guys. Watch the video below about real life Superhero, Phoenix Gentle, in Seattle, WA.

Real Life Superhero Stops Crime

Batman Wearing Fanboy

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Come Back to Earth

Hopefully by now, you understand that radiation-spawned superheroes only exist in the comic book world. Otherwise, you may land yourself a "Darwin Award," given to individuals that die in ways that seem to lack common sense.

So, instead of dreaming about a life of fighting crime in spandex tights, consider a more realistic existence on Earth. After all, the average human trying to live as a superhero significantly lowers his life span by 25 years. Not to mention, it would be hard to find a Life Insurance company that will take you with no questions asked.

Real-life crime-fighters will tell you: "It isn't easy being a superhero."

Nor is it easy being a mortal human, wishing to be a Superhero while maintaining a normal identity.


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