50 Shades of Ice Cream

A parody of the popular novel, 50 Shades of Grey.

50 Flavors of Ice Cream
50 Flavors of Ice Cream

Banana Split

The soft, round cherry glistens in the moonlight as it sits delicately upon fluffy mounds of whipped cream. I stare at the banana split that’s sitting in front of me on the table for a few moments, admiring the contrast of colors, textures and the diversity of shapes and lines. This was to be my first time trying a banana split. I was filled with an excited tension, for I was unsure of what to expect from this new experience. As I was taking in the beauty of that banana split, it was almost as though it smiled back at me. I divert my stare and feel the warmth rising in my cheeks as I begin to blush.

I take a few deep breaths as I slowly regain my courage. I steady my shaking hand and pick up the silver spoon that’s lying next to the glass bowl of ice cream. The sensation of cool metal against my fingers gives me chills. I penetrate the banana split with gentle yet firm pressure and my spoon cuts through the whipped cream and rich chocolate sauce into the strawberry ice cream and eventually into the banana. I close my eyes as I slowly inhale and bring the full spoon to my mouth.

My taste buds ignite with sensations never experienced before. It’s like a wave rushes over my body. I shudder with delight as the flavors explode like a symphony. My tongue swirls around my mouth, trying to take in all the sweet, creamy, cool sensations.

Now my heart is pounding as I look again at that bowl of temptation. You’re so delicious, God I want you. That soft, luscious whipped cream, the cool melody of three different flavors, the soft, smooth, curved banana and the luxuriously drizzled chocolate sauce combine perfectly together to create an eruption of sensation. They make me needy, needy for ice cream.

I bring another spoonful to my mouth and against my will I call out its name, “Oh, banana split!” I have to have more. I delicately pinch the stem of the cherry between my thumb and pointer finger and bring the cherry against my lips. I open my mouth and use my tongue to caressingly guide the cherry into my mouth. I close my lips around the cherry and pull off the stem. As I slowly bit down, my teeth break the skin and a sudden gush of sweet, tangy juice envelops my mouth.

Minutes pass in complete ecstasy. It feels like no time has passed at all when I’m scrapping up the last remaining drizzles of chocolate sauce and melted ice cream. Finally, I let the spoon go and it falls with a clink into the empty bowl. I’m still trying to catch my breath as a huge grin breaks across my face. I survived.

Chunky Monkey

A few weeks pass and not a day goes by where my mind isn’t filled and my body excited by the memories of my night with the banana split. I’m anxious to try it again, but this time, I might be willing to try something slightly different.

I’m browsing the ice cream aisle at the grocery store, when a certain flavor called “Chunky Monkey” seems to call to me. I open the freezer door and read the flavor description: Banana ice cream with fudge chunks & walnuts. I shudder, for the pure thought of banana and chocolate brings me back to that infamous night with the banana split. I throw the ice cream into my basket and hurry home for an evening of bliss.

At my apartment, it’s just me and a bowl of Chunky Monkey. The fake fireplace channel on the TV is romantically casting flickers of light around the room. Take me, I say to the Chunky Monkey. I raise a spoonful of Chunky Monkey to my open mouth and gently close my lips around it as it enters my mouth.

Once again, an explosion of flavors causes a rush sensation through my entire body. I quiver and gasp. However, there is something different about this Chunky Monkey than my banana split: walnuts. As I gasp with excitement, I inhale a chunk of walnut and immediately begin coughing as it gets caught down the wrong tube. I cough violently for several minutes before I am able to catch my breath and, with watery eyes, am able to soothe my throat with a glass of water.

Oh, ice cream. You beguile me, completely overwhelm me. Full of emotion, I look at the bowl of Chunky Monkey that’s now sitting on the couch all by its lonesome. No, Chunky Monkey, I now realize that you and I are not compatible. Confused and heartbroken, I put the bowl in the sink and watch it slowly melt away as I run water over the banana flavored ice cream, fudge chunks and walnuts. My stomach starts to churn, filled with mixed emotion. Yes, my heart is broken, but I will never forget my time spent with you, Chunky Monkey.

You can find 50 Shades of Grey on Amazon.com:

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Comments 5 comments

MosLadder profile image

MosLadder 4 years ago from Irvine, CA

Seriously funny, and soooo necessary. Shared all over and voted up!


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 4 years ago from South Carolina

Very funny spoof. Haven't read the novel, but I could definitely get the gist of what's in it by this clever metaphor.

Voted up across the board.


Dreamhowl profile image

Dreamhowl 4 years ago from United States of America

That's pretty fantastic. I never read the books but it's about what I imagined it would be, minus the ice cream. Voted up!


adrienne2 profile image

adrienne2 4 years ago from Atlanta

Jenna, you are one creative, and talented! I love the way the title sucks you into your story of ice cream. I love it! You really have an imagination, and great story telling talents. Keep writing.


Jenna Estefan profile image

Jenna Estefan 4 years ago from Seattle, WA Author

Thanks, I'm glad you all enjoyed it :-) It was fun to write. I actually haven't read the book either, but I got the feel of it from a local sports radio station here that was having people read excerpts from it and the sultriest rendition would win tickets to a pro football game.

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