A Birthday letter to my son
The Hardest Letter I'v Ever Had To Write
I’m sure that what I have to say go's unheard when I'm talking to you,
However, I’m obligated to say it anyway.
Sometimes things in life go the way you want them too. However, other times no matter how hard you try they do not. On any given day we are faced with decisions that affect others and us in way's we cannot see right away. Positive and Negative out comes are sometimes known. Other times we fail to see the results of our decisions until later. Right or wrong, good and bad, the choices we make, as individuals are our own and we have to live with them.
Throughout my life I’ve made a great many decisions / choices, that effect me and the people around me, some good and some not so good. Some were consciously made knowing what would happen and some were not. Regardless, they were mine. I had to live with the good ones as well as the bad ones knowing I could never recall or amend.( sort of like shooting off your mouth when your pissed off at some one you love ) (you can never take back those words ) We sometimes in spite of our own well being come off half cocked, be it because of anger or frustration or depression and we commit to a path of action, knowing that action is blurred by emotion and detrimental to ourselves but we do it anyway. More time’s than not we are only affected by these rouge choice's in a minimal way, and with a little time and effort we get past it and are allowed to carry on with life in a somewhat normal manner. Than there are time's when we make the ultimate sacrifice and it is not always a willing one but it is an irrevocable one. Life as we knew it, just took a trip to the twilight zone, never to return to any form of normality. You know people always say to learn from your mistakes; well in a case like this, it would be best if you could learn from someone else's mistakes.
Son I am not looking for forgiveness, sympathy, or any other foolish emotion. Not from you or Olivia or anyone else. I give a shit less how or what people think. You will find in life that a great many people are quick to judge and attempt to control you and your life, not because they are better, smarter, or wiser but because they have no control over there own lives. By manipulating you to do or be what they want, in there eyes they are able to live the life they wanted but were unable to achieve. It is animated, distant, and obscure but that is all they have so they strive on controlling you as if you were they or they were you.
Ricky I am asking nothing of you. I want nothing from you; I am just trying to let you know that what happened to our lives, that what transformed our normal average life into what (ever). Was not yours or Olivia's fault. All I am asking is that you understand. Hate me, never talk to me if that is what you need but please understand, that the way our life has turned out, that we ended up on separate roads... I missed you and Olivia growing up; you both missed having a father there. The point is that it was not you or Olivia's fault. I am the one responsible and I will have the task of caring that burden with me for the remainder of my life. So you see I am not looking for no more then for you to understand that it was not intentional or on purpose or planed or premeditated, It was not at all what I wanted out of life, But in the end it was what I was dwelt.
Son, always be your own man, Respect all things; put your Pride away, it is a useless & selfish emotion, Treat others as you want them to treat you , and above all others Never ever give up your Dignity, Let no man take that away form you! You can lose everything in life, your home, car, job, wife, money any, and all of these can be regained in time. However, you can only loose your dignity by willingly letting it go. “DON’T” because once you give it up you will never be able to get it back, not ever!....... I love you son, always have and always will. My wish for you on your Birthday is that, you and Olivia should never know the pain I carry, the sadness that never goes away. I wish for the both of you to learn from other’s mistakes, learn from mine, and try not to make the mistakes I have made!