A Bitter Sweet Scene

This is something I have never done. I don't quite know how to describe it, honestly. It begins as one poem, and branches out into two. They are both separate, yet they also combine into one. This is just my mind wandering and exploring. 


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A bitter scene                                 Abyss reminiscent,

   Glazed,                                                illuminated by 

painted scarlet                               flickering flame

   with undertones                             bleeding shadows

of onyx                                               so aesthetically vivid


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Born into the ashes    ~                         ~   to ashes, dust to dust 

  Exist, as life passes    ~                    ~   wealthy, rich, and robust 

Begin, rendered sightless    ~               ~    features hidden from view

   Expiration, lifeless    ~                   ~    heartbeats beaten, very few


Terminally ill-advised    ~                     ~  patients awaiting death

  Placed adjacent to demise    ~              ~   running very low on breath 

Doorways leading nowhere fast   ~       ~  one rabbit hole is opened

  Destination reached at last    ~             ~   a sleeping beast awakened 


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A sweet chapter                              Lacking in light

   Frosted,                                                Charred, cold collisions of

brushed in crimson                        tones, tints, and shades

   with backgrounds                             invoking midnight mirages 

of absence                                         and the darkest of illusions  





© copyright Ben D.A 2011


Comments 29 comments

BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 4 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

umbrella look me up on facebook "Benjamin David"


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 4 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

havnt talked to you in a while, how are you


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 5 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

hey benny boy, love this.


Midianite profile image

Midianite 5 years ago from Australia

Hey man, that's pretty cool. I've never even considered writing like that, it's almost like 4 poems in one. That's something I'll have to try one day.

For your first time doing it, you did it terrifically.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

jessica - that's very nice of you :] thanks a lot !


jessica.written. profile image

jessica.written. 5 years ago from Flagstaff, Arizona

you have a way with your words. It didnt matter which stanza was after the next because your words flowed so well together.

wish i had a plethora of vocabulary at my disposal, as you so clearly do.

Jessica


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Saddle - that means a great deal to me! Da Vinci? WOW! I appreciate that very much, glad you read this and feel that way. If you truly feel that way, then maybe I have a future in this.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

Ben you write like your a magician of allusion, you take a vocabulary and put them into a blender and what comes out is a cocktail of pure genius.

You are a very emotional, descriptive and mindful writer. You can take a dream and breath life into it like a Da Vinci. I am very impressed with your work. Bravo, applause, well done.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

nighthag - I remember you left me my first fanmail. speaking of how you love dark poetry ;]

hope i never disappoint hehe

Thanks sooo much for your comments


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia

this was a wonderful artistic piece that is again beautifully layered, your style of writing is very very intriguing and I find every visit here leaves me more and more in awe of your skill


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Epi da man!!

How nice to see you on this hub :D

"No one writes quite like you" is the best thing you could ever tell me.

Thank you for your undying support and amusing comments, you are one of the great ones that got me started.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

......awesome mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn............and no one writes quite like you - and you even used one of my favorite words here in the title - bitter sweet .... you are da bomb ... poetic bomb that is - and a talent just out of this world!!!!!!

Nice to see the lovely erthfriend here too!


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Haha, thank you Doug. It was an experiment, really...but I really like the way it turned out. Yes, it does take a little extra work to read this. It follows a couple different paths. But I do think if you take some time to analyze it, it becomes extraordinary.

However, I completely understand your view, because generally when I read someone's poetry, I am drawn to more simple, manageable styles.

I am drawn to strong, emotional poetry that doesn't overdo the vocabulary or force the rhyming too much.

This piece just turned out...interesting. haha

Thanks very much for the comment


Doug Turner Jr. 5 years ago

Ben, I'm really impressed with your words. You paint pictures, bare emotions, and perform verbal gymnastics. I know you'll keep that creative floodgate wide open.

But, as a purist, this great poem would have done more for me if it was arranged in a standard linear fashion. It's just how I roll. Maybe this new style will make you the most famous poet in the world, who knows. Just my opinion. Keep up the great work.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Thanks Elizabeth! I am sooo happy from the responses to this one :D


Elizabeth99 profile image

Elizabeth99 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

Awesome new format, I really like the idea and you did an amazing job, I love how they both tied together--seamlessly too, yet both their very own. :)


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Erthfrend - your flattery overwhelms me!! *blushing*

I truly hope your reaction is as strong as it seems, because compliments can be so easily tossed around.

thanks very much


erthfrend profile image

erthfrend 5 years ago from Florida

Im blown away here! This was almost like a challenge, a very welcomed one for me. It does seem to all work together different ways which is just amazing. Very captivating, every word, every line kept my mind drawn in, deep with concentration. Fascinating, awesome!!!


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

yeah!! I love that.

Thanks bro.


japtaker profile image

japtaker 5 years ago from United States

Very nice how that all works and flows. Especially how the middle section can be read straight down on either side, or all the way across as one poem.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

SilverGenes - I was rather shocked at how well the pieces fit together, considering the way I wrote that. I really REALLY appreciate your feedback. Thank you!

Randy - Thanks as always, I really was playing with them last night, and I had fun with it ;]

Nikki - Yeah I wasn't sure if people would be able to follow it the way I intended them to, but I'm glad you figured it out, thank you :]


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

had some trouble figuring out how to read it at first but it comes together nicely. brilliantly done. yu describe things so well. nice use of words and color. it paints a bitter sweet scene indeed. :)


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

I think its great that you are playing with form. Words are toys, use them :) "A sweet chapter, frosted" really like that.


SilverGenes 5 years ago

Ben, your imagery creates for me a perfect balance of both sides of the coin and the way you have constructed this piece is VERY creative. You have many levels of thought going on here at the same time and the thoughts work like a crossword puzzle - and such is life. Awesome job!


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Phoenix - wow, that's flattering!! This one was really quite complex, and i wanted to describe colors, and vivid detail, which is something I rarely do. Thank you :]


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Seenbutnotheard - that's GREAT, I wasn't sure how people would take this one, or if it would make sense, THANKS :]

Mentalist - gracias senior, for supporting and commenting much of my work


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge

Where do all of these eloquent phrases come from? My mind never activates to this level. Amazing!


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

As this poetry does,you've brought the darkest of illusion into the light of prominent literature.;)


SeenButNotHeard profile image

SeenButNotHeard 5 years ago from Michigan

This is much more that a fascinating vocabulary lol It's quite interesting in the fact that I've read it it so many sequences I'm not sure which order they are supposed to go in, but they all make sense to me lol

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