A Bittersweet Goodbye~Poem

Cat Scan

Me getting one of many cat scans.
Me getting one of many cat scans. | Source

Tribute Poem

I walk into the hospital waiting room with apprehension

I look around and see I’m not the only one with tension

An old lady sits silently in the corner wiping away her tears

Her misery does little to dissipate my fears

I feel sick to my stomach when I see a girl so young

Merely ten years old, her life has only just begun

She looks back at me with swollen red eyes

Her mom sitting next to her, grips her hand tight and cries


I take a seat and try to only imagine the best

I can’t focus on what they found from that blood test

I came in a week ago for a simple check up, not concerned in the least

I can still see the doctor trying to choose his words with care, his brow creased

The words ‘lung cancer’ won’t cease to echo in my head

I hear my name called by the nurse but my feet feel like lead


I get up and follow her through the white halls

My heart hammers in my chest and down my cheek a tear falls

I can’t keep up this stoic facade any longer, I feel the walls I built up crumble

Somehow we managed to make it to the MRI room and I begin to tremble

Inside the large machine I have too much time to think

The stress has drained my energy and into my dreams I sink

I dream I’m with my father who died years ago

He's glowing like an angel, his hair white as snow


My dad looks at me with love and tells me he’ll see me in a year

He fades away and I am left with nothing but fear

I feel deep in my gut I need to turn around

I turn, my knees give, and I hit the ground

I see myself in a casket lying limp and dead

I awake with a start ~sobbing and thinking about what my father had said


Soon I return to hear the results from the test

For weeks I have been awaiting the results in unrest

The doctor tells me the cancer has spread

He gives me no hope, within a year I will be dead

There are no words that can sum up everything I am thinking

I just stare ahead at the wall, not moving nor blinking

Why me? why now? I'm only thirty-seven!

I don’t want to go! will I even get into heaven?


The doctor gets worried and shakes me back to earth

He says he is sorry and he hates giving bad news for what it’s worth

My mom sobbed when I told her the news

First my father, now me, she has nothing left to lose

She held me tight as I murmured how I’m afraid to die

Holding on to my mom for dear life I whispered a final goodbye

I felt the life drain from my body and the image of my sleeping mother faded away

Feeling light, I opened my eyes to see myself standing before a large gateway


The gates open and I’m flooded with the feeling of love

There is a flash of light and before me stands my father and the Lord above

They reach out their hands, I take them and I follow their strut

My breath is taken away at the sight of heaven, and the gates behind me clank shut


*Note* This Loving Tribute poem was Written by my niece, Ellie Arne~in dedication to me- Auntie Linda. Inspired and loosely based on my lung cancer journey in 2004.




Lung Cancer

Do you know anyone that has been diagnosed with lung cancer

  • Yes-Sadly I do
  • No-Thankfully I don't
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© 2013 Linda Rogers

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Comments 68 comments

Denizee 3 years ago

The truth in this stands out in wonderful choice of words, imagery along with the sad truth that makes up the verses in this wonderful poem. I've lost family to cancer along with friends and the courage to write this and have it touch the heart of a reader is nothing but pure talent. My blessings and prayers along with voting up this poem - the very depth of life and death and a true story have touched my heart.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

Absolutely beautiful my friend. A very real look at life and the trials we all must face sooner or later. Thank you for allowing us a peak into the experience, and blessings to you always.

bill


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Denizee~thanks so much for your support in reading this tribute poem. I am so proud of my niece for taking my experience and putting it into a poem. She is only fifteen years old but has an old soul. She obviously has a gift of writing. I am so touched you read this and gave her such accolades. I just read it to her and she is grinning ear to ear. Blessings :-)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Billy~you are always so good at getting right on my published hubs. I just love you. I really appreciate you reading the poem my niece wrote in tribute to me. Of course, as I wrote at the end of this hub, this is loosely based on my journey. Ellie was six years old when I was diagnosed with lung cancer. I moved in with her and her brother and my sister. It's amazing how such a difficult experience ended in such a good way. I have loved living here and raising Laura's kids with her. So great to see you here my friend.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

Oh, I was so afraid to read this. Thank God it was a poem written in 2004. Are you ok now? The poetry is strinkingly beautiful. I am so pleased you are finding happiness with your family. God bless you Linda.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

I am so sorry this caused you to worry. I am healthy as a horse my friend. I am over nine years cancer-free. My niece just wrote this poem the other day about my cancer experience. Of course I was blessed to live and not die. Such is an artist's prerogative to take the poem as he/she pleases. LOL


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 3 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

Wow, my daughter sure has been inspired Linda by your strength and power. I am speechless at her wisdom beyond her years. So happy you are nine years cancer free sister. It has been a gift to have you help me raise my beautiful children these past nine years.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

What a stunning and dramatic poem here. Wow, really great write here. I am glad you are okay now! Yes, I understand it completely! I am blessed to live too after my breast cancer in 2011. Praise Him!!!

Thank you for sharing this powerful write here.

Voted up ++++ and sharing

God bless you, Faith Reaper


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Aww, what a sweet comment sister. Your daughter is a gifted writer just like her mom and her auntie~LOL

It has been a gift and an honor to help you raise these children. I know that's why God didn't take me. He knew you and the kids needed me. I love you and the kids so much.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

God bless you too Faith Reaper. God had special plans for us after our cancer journey's. I try to live my life with love, gratitude and knowing what a gift everyday is. Blessings my friend.


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 3 years ago from San Francisco

Thank you for sharing this experience via this dramatic poem. Blessings.


toknowinfo profile image

toknowinfo 3 years ago

Heart wrenching and gripping. I too am glad you are okay. Stay well and thank you for sharing this amazing piece of writing.


sofs profile image

sofs 3 years ago

I have been far away.. your poem gave me a fright and brought me back to this place again. I am glad to know that you are well and alright. I just came out of the closet to wish you good health and happiness always. God Bless!


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

Wow... my heart is in my stomach and a lump in my throat. What a powerful and poignant piece! This is heart wrenching, raw and honest and I'm sure everyone can take something from it. How beautifully done!

Up and others, sharing too!

Cat


Man of Strength profile image

Man of Strength 3 years ago from Orlando, Fl

Wow, this was very interesting. I felt as if I were with you on this journery. This will be voted all the way up.


wayne barrett profile image

wayne barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

Linda, this was so beautiful in a sad way. Myself as well as other family members have gone through similar ordeals in the last year and your words bring comfort.thank you for sharing this with us.


stessily 3 years ago

This is such a beautifully written expression of love, from your niece to you. It's always interesting to realize the inspiration behind the words and to see the shifts and rearrangements which are created through "poetic justice". It's such a relief that the poem's outcome wasn't the reality of your situation. And yet your niece is able to summon up that possibility of a different outcome, recalling a time when perhaps your diagnosis may have seemed dark. Poems arise from deep roots in our being.

I love this observation which you make in one of your comments: "It's amazing how such a difficult experience ended in such a good way. I have loved living here and raising Laura's kids with her."

With admiration for your niece's love for you as expressed with a timeless creativity,

Stessily


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks so much Mhatter~It was a labour of love between my niece and I. A cancer journey is life-changing. I am one of the blessed ones to be living cancer- free for over nine years now. God is good :-)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thank you so much toknowinfo. What a nice compliment. Hub smiles to you :-)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

I am very touched that you came out of hiding to read my poem. I am sorry if I freaked you out. This poem is part fiction, part non-fiction. I am alive and well. This poem illustrates what it's like to live with a cancer diagnosis. It's a scary thing for sure. God Bless you my friend and I'll be by to give your hub some love.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Cat~what a great compliment coming from one of my favorite poets on Hubpages. I am really touched that you shared this poem on what a cancer journey can look like. I am so blessed that I am here to share stories to educate others about this topic. Thanks so much for taking time out to come by.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Man of strength~what a nice compliment you have given me by saying you felt you were there with me. I hope that my stories and poems can touch people and leave them educated on the topic. Thanks so much for taking the time to come by.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Wayne~I am sorry to hear your family has been touched by cancer. I am pleased to hear the poem gave you some hope and comfort. I wish there was no such disease. Thanks so much for taking time to come by my hub. Hope all is well over there my friend.


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

I just wanted to stop back and say how absolutely touched and honored I am to hear such wonderful words, thank you. I always have your name written next to my computer, but I don't come by nearly enough. I will have to remedy that! Thank you so much, again... you really wrote a very lovely piece!


kashmir56 profile image

kashmir56 3 years ago from Massachusetts

Hi my friend, what a beautifully written poem that was and so well described your heroic journey . Thanks for sharing this !

Vote up and more !!!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Stessily~your comment gives me goosebumps and I feel so honored. You are so right about how the poem ends differently, probably because she was scared I would die. I was given a 20-25% chance of surviving the first five years but I sure never told the kids that. I tried very hard to be upbeat around them. I even let them go to radiation me, so they could see that I was fine going through this part of treatment. They actually thought it was cool. I am so blessed to have the love of these beautiful children and this poem really touched me. If it wasn't for the love of my sister and the kids, I don't know if I could have gotten through the harsh chemo treatments. I knew I had so much to live for and it motivated me to get through it. God Bless you for leaving such a heart-felt comment. It means a lot to me.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

I am absolutely blown away Cat that my name is written next to your computer. It's funny how we writers are hardest on ourselves and don't always give our writing the credit it may deserve. Your compliment means so much to me as a writer with a huge heart. Thanks so much for coming back to tell me that. You completely made my day my friend.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks so much Tom for reading this poem and for all the buttons you hit. It makes my heart sing. Hope your having a great week so far my friend.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States

This was a frightening poem to read, not knowing the outcome. I'm glad you are here and that this poem was about your experience in 2004. Beautifully written.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

I'm feeling a little bad that I scared my hub friends a bit. I am so proud of my niece for writing a rendition of her experience of my cancer journey. It humbles me that she was willing to let me share her poem.


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 3 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

This is a beautiful poem, but it was scary too. I was afraid that it was referring to new events! I'm very glad that you're still healthy, Linda. You are lucky to have such a talented and loving niece.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 3 years ago from Riga, Latvia

I was walking behind you all the time throughout this poem with my heart in my throat. Glad to discover at the end that my confirmation of those in the white coats is positive. First they scare you to death and then you can begin to make your way to recovery. So glad everything worked out for you and you have your whole life still ahead. Hugs and God bless.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Alicia~I do love that my niece has the love of writing like me and her mother. It's a passion that has given me so much joy through the years and it makes me happy to know she'll have it too. Thanks so much my friend for coming by and reading my niece's poem. I am so alive and well and glad my journey ended so well. Have a great day!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

So great to see you Gypsy Rose Lee~It was a hard time but I am one of the blessed ones. My heart goes out to all those that have been given a diagnosis of cancer. It is hard but not hopeless. My life is wonderful now and those scary days, just a memory. God Bless you for taking time to come see me. Have a great day my friend :-)


James-wolve profile image

James-wolve 3 years ago from Morocco

Lump in my throat.Is this a real experience ??

The poetry is really so beautiful and wellpenned.

Voted up


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks for the wonderful compliment James. This story is loosely based on my cancer journey in 2004. Happily, I lived, but my niece wrote this and ended it with the person dying. At the end of this poem I explain that my niece wrote this poem and it's loosely based on my c journey. She was only six years old when I got sick. I think this poem was her way of purging all those fears she had back then. Thanks so much for coming by James.


James-wolve profile image

James-wolve 3 years ago from Morocco

Oh wow She is very talented.Thanks for sharing and thank God you lived.Beautiful journey.Honestly,It really scared me.I thought you were soon going to leave us.Thank God you are safe and sound!

Many Blessings to you!

Always Take Care of Yourself!

James


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Oh James~sorry you worried. I am so happy and healthy! I am over nine years cancer-free. I have been very blessed as many do not get this second chance when diagnosed. I will pass on your wonderful compliment to my niece. Hope all is well with you :-)


James-wolve profile image

James-wolve 3 years ago from Morocco

It tears me apart to see or hear people suffer.I wish if there is a world without disease..sigh ..anyway,God is wise and allknowing!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

You have such a lovely heart James. I too wish this but as you say, God has a plan. Have a great evening :-)


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida

What a lovely tribute to your brilliant niece, Linda. Thank you for sharing it and your experiences with us. Love to you and Laura.


writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

This was pure and raw. I'm to the point of tears! Here's to you from a fellow Minnesotan! Voted it up beautiful and awesome!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Awww, love right back to you drbj :-) I have goosies from your lovely comment.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Ya, another Minnesota gal who hubs. Doesn't get any better than that. LOL Thanks for the great compliment on the poem. A cancer journey seen through the eyes of my sweet niece. I know it was a hard and scary time for her, not knowing how things would turn out. Glad it ended in me living and not the ending she chose. I am one of the lucky ones and thank God every day.


fetty profile image

fetty 3 years ago from South Jersey

Beautifully written. Congratulations on beating "the" beast. A very real walk in the patients shoes.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks Fetty~it is great to see you. I haven't been around much but will stop in at your hub this week. Hope all is well and thanks for reading.


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 3 years ago from South Carolina

Your niece, Elle Arnie, shows such incredible compassion and understanding in this deeply moving, and realistic poem that was inspired by your own diagnosis of lung cancer.

Her words tell the story of what so many people face when lung cancer is diagnosed, but this poem becomes even more powerful when the reader learns that you are still doing well almost a decade after your own diagnosis.

May God Continue to Bless You and Keep You Well,

Gail


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Gail and God Bless you for your heart-felt comment. I was so touched when Ellie said she had written a poem for me about the lung cancer journey. I knew she was a great writer but this really got me. What a gift to have my niece dedicate a poem for me. I still get choked up every time I read it. Thanks so much for reading this Gail. Hope you have a great 4th of July.


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

It flows like a story and so easy to read with a heart pull all the way through. So glad you are a survivor. ^ and sharing.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Jackie~thanks a lot for reading the poem about my cancer journey. So nice of you to share this. I appreciate it my friend.


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 3 years ago

So wonderfully written.Your niece has a beautiful gift.I am still wiping the tears with all my fears.I am so glad you are well.My stomach is still doing flip flops for all those who have to go through so much .You are very brave and strong.I have to pass this along.It makes me think how blessed we all are to live each day.Thanx so much for sharing.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

That is such a lovely compliment to my niece~thanks! I will tell her how much you liked her poem. Life is such a gift and I'm glad this poem made you feel blessed for being alive. Those days were so scary for me and my family. Have a lovely evening my friend.


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 3 years ago from Sunny Florida

This poem is beautiful and thought provoking. I was afraid that it was you telling us that we would no longer have you here. Your niece is a beautiful writer.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi KKGal-I am healthy as a horse and I'm sorry it worried you. I am so proud of my niece's writing ability. She's a chip off the old block. LOL


Darknlovely3436 profile image

Darknlovely3436 3 years ago from NewYork

Thank you so much for sharing....


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

My pleasure Darknlovely :-) Have a great weekend.


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 3 years ago from California

I think sometimes we forget the difficult journeys that others embark on--this was a real slice of life--thank you so much for bringing it home to me--


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Bless you Audrey for leaving such a heart felt comment. A cancer journey is it tough but thankfully those bad days are behind me. I am sooo blessed!


Travis Noddings profile image

Travis Noddings 2 years ago from Gainesville, Florida

Powerfully emotive and heart-wrenching. She has a talent for capturing anxiety. A pleasure to read, but even nicer to know the happy outcome of reality.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks Travis-yes, she is an old soul for a fifteen year old. Thank you for coming by today :-)


AUPADHYAY profile image

AUPADHYAY 2 years ago from INDIA, UTTAR PRADESH STATE, KANPUR CITY

Glad to read this beautiful poem having both the taste such as bitterness and sweetness. Actually the imagination power needs both of the tastes. Thanks for sharing it.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thank you so much for your insightful comment. It means a lot to have you come by.


rdsparrowriter profile image

rdsparrowriter 2 years ago

The first hub I read about your cancer, I shared it with my mom and it brought tears into her eyes. Your niece is very talented to see it through your eyes and write this emotional poem. A memory of you. One of my aunts, whom I treat like my own mom is also going through cancer and it's so encouraging to see her depending on God alone and it's amazing how she face it so bravely. Thank you for sharing this. God bless you!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

What a blessing it is to read this nice comment. My niece is like a daughter to me. I moved in with her and her mother and brother ten years ago when I was diagnosed with lung cancer. It's been so fulfilling helping my twin sister raise her kids. I am blessed that God spared me and let me be part of this family. My thoughts and prayers go out to your aunt. Your love for her is the best medicine to get through it. Hub Hugs to you.


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 2 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

What a great tribute to you in this poem written by your niece. She captured the feelings you had when you followed the path of illness. The two of you must be close for her to recognize your feelings and express them so well. She is well on the way to be the writer like her mother and aunt. She deserves a hug. I wish you well and am sharing this poem. Blessings. Audrey


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks so much Audrey. My niece and I are really close-it's obvious that she knew how the lung cancer diagnosed affected me if she wrote this so eloquently. I had moved in with my niece, nephew and my their mother who is my twin sister, when I was diagnosed. Those kids were so healing for me and gave me the motivation to fight. Blessings for your heart felt comment.


Denizee 2 years ago

I am so happy to see you had a world of family support during such a difficult diagnosis - I came back to read this again - because I recently lost a neighbor who went diligently to a lung specialist yet took very ill - first with cardiac - hospitalized to discharge to lung doctor to finding out in a matter of weeks he had stage 4 lung cancer - He was a good man in life - a helping widower whose wife passed three years ago - along with surviving the loss of his oldest son just three weeks after his wife - I imagine he's rejoined them now - I do understand that doctors can not always catch conditions as serious as these - and I am so happy that you are well - writing & thriving - continuing to share so much here @ The Hub.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks so much for coming by Denizee. What a sad story about your neighbor. I was so lucky to realize my symptoms and get it figured out before stage 4. I thank God everyday that I'm here.

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