A Constant Battle - A Poem About Self Confidence
How Will I Find Love? It Is Inside.
I constantly battle with myself. It’s almost like I have a split personality – but I really don’t. Anyways, my self-esteem and confidence are really lacking. I try to boost myself up and have faith in myself as a mature woman, a capable mother, and a loyal friend. But for some reason this annoying little voice always creeps into my head and brings me back down. The first part of this poem is the interaction between me and the voice that belittles me. The stupid voice is constantly cutting me off in the middle of a sentence. At first I question and the voice taunts me trying to get a reaction. Then I get very upset and this irritates the voice and further feeds its nastiness. Finally, at the end I realize the voice is just that – a voice with no real being or basis and I find my own way of thinking.
Of course I don’t really hear voices and I don’t think like this all the time. So please don’t make me an appointment with the local shrink just yet. This is an over exaggeration of how we all feel when faced with self-doubt.
Is it, can it, does it, will it -
Finish the sentence already!
I was just wondering if I –
If I - If I – If I – If I – If I –
Why do you do that and bring –
Bring what, a bouquet of flowers?
I’m trying to think and talk here if only –
Trying? Most people can think naturally.
But I can’t or can I, I’m stuttering -
What’s the matter with you?
Too hard my breathing caught -
Don’t be such an idiot
I don’t think -
That’s the problem, you DON’T think
Was I right, can it be what I thought -
Of course you’re not right, are you ever?
I don’t understand how and when -
That’s no surprise, really.
I can make it over this and come through on –
Shut up and give up already, you’re worthless…
How can you just stand there and act –
Are you really crying again?!
I’m not crying, alright maybe just a –
You truly are a pathetic soul.
It just hurts so bad when the talk –
Blah, blah, blah here she goes again.
My heart breaks and my confidence fades when –
This is so typical of you – it’s always about YOU
Listen! This is ridiculous, who do you –
Poor baby is trying to find a backbone now.
I don’t need to listen to you –
But you will you loser.
I can get help, I can get rid of –
You think someone will help you?
They might, I really am a good per –
“I really am a good person, I really really am”.
Stop making fun of me all the –
This sucks, you suck, just shut up already.
No? What are you going to do about it?
I can stop you – I know I can.
You’ll only fail like with everything else.
Look! I finally made it; I think I’ll be –
Made IT, what the hell is ‘it’ anyways?
Stop, just stop this isn’t right or fair
You made me who I am now pay for it.
I won’t. I won’t pay for it, you will. This is the end and this IS all about me. You leave and don’t come back. This is over. I don’t know where you came from or when. But take notice - you are hereby sent away!
Do you hear me?
… … …
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