A Father's Loss

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Supporting our Conviction


We believe that parents do leave the biggest influence on their kids for life... and we know it first hand. However, through History and through the most monotonous every day life, we keep seeing a pattern. Some dads and moms are taking the responsibility to raise a child lightly. Not that we need to check into famous genius folks that were raised by a single parent, but is scary to say the least, how violence is related to a 'parentless' upbringing.

If they Know It, Why Do They Do it?

Society is closing a cycle that we have seen before through History. The Bible talks about the "sign of the times." History buffs refer to the fall of this new Babylon. And Politicians? Making sure they get that bonus at the end of a "successful campaign."

Why do they do it then? Is just a trend set from birth and from our own environment: Your great grandparents fought the biggest recession and knew how to earn those dimes (5 & ten stores). But the big change started around 1918, when World War I came to an end. Going to the point right now, skipping WWII, Korea and Vietnam. Quality of life has gone down the drain and that toilet, that your plumber never fixed it "that well."


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You are a kid and you just hear from your parents to get a job after school. But you want the latest Iphone or that Ipad 3. How do we close that gap? By cheating the system and cheating ourselves out of heaven, right into hell. You see a friend doing something fishy, and if your morals are at the lowest level, then you just do it... because every one does it!!

You don't want to dissappoint your friend and join that Spa, Minor league or simply join an "non suitable business."

A Dead beat dad's profile

Just imagine this individual that was practically raised on the streets. His options were limited. Education and college was out of the question. Probably a technical school (Job Corps?) was available for him... to make it in life. But meanwhile, he was already exposed to the worst feelings from a cold Society. Some parents that came back from war had issues of their own and did their best to raise a kid back in the 70's or 80's. However, generations post 'Kent State,' grew wary and willing to explode at any time (enter the serial killers). While policing the world and making Nixon and Bill Clinton notorious political heroes (Bozo), we forgot to work into our own souls. A young deadbeat dad was already trained to work "under the table," and skip that work opening... in order avoid the system and that hungry kid that he gave life. "I'm not going to feed my ex and his new Boyfriend, shoot!!"


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An unusual son

If the kid left behind was raised by a good single mom, then he would definitely join Steve Jobs or Edison on the list of successful entrepreneurs that made it through adversity. But if the mom left him/her go himself/herself cold hearted... that "so help me God" would've sounded worse than the most acceptable "don't ask, don't tell" from everyday life. How ludicrous, selfish and unconquered society can become after the cell has been hit with no mercy? Hello bully kid?

A son who knew that his dad was never there for him, can either become another "like father like son" statistics, but.... yeah, always something right? But if the mom was there for him (son) and showed him that a double standard society cannot stop a mom from making a son a future proud citizen of value. Jean Jacques Rousseau was sponsored by his "protectress" in spite of the fact that his dad left him when he was 10. On his 'Confessions' he wanders all over the Swiss Alps to finally settle at 16 with Madame de Warens in 1728 -- He will be 300 yrs old tomorrow June 28th.


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Our Own experience

We became dads to a step-son back in 1992. He was six and was against us from the very beginning. His dad left him when he was 1 year old. Mom gave him one of the best home schooling we could ever imagine. He would cry after those 4 hours of spelling, first grade math homework and a caring mom with a stern voice. "Excuse me Joseph?" We could've called the police on her, but son would've been another street child statistics as well.

We had that hard math trick available for him and we became the best of friends. By coincidence he was already named Joseph. Don't get us wrong, he almost got us poisoned when he was eight and... his mom caught that engine oil in our soda can... not a good taste right?

Our Son Today...

We have shared pieces of him in our hubs, but what really touched us... is, Gee! His ways and the new life he found in the Air Force. As of today he is touring Europe with our 18 year old son, who will join him eventually... after visiting that Eiffel tower, Pisa, the London Olympics and probably Moscow? Two young Americans seeing the world like no other.


What We Discovered...

Joseph Jr. knew about that' $7.00 check' that the system sent him... courtesy of his dad, who didn't want to lose his 'driving privileges' and...Yep! Sent just enough to get by.

Joseph Jr's mom, sent that check back to her ex hubby's house, and wrote: "You might as well shovel this paper up your asset. Not even enough for a happy meal!!"

Joseph Jr. had that in his mind and wanted so bad to reconnect with his own dad... but out of shame or guiltiness... that never happened. Well, we better go straight to the point, and hit the publishing button: Our son has been in Iraq and Afghanistan and other 'classified areas,' and found about a fellow young airman whose young wife was going to have a baby by the time Afghanistan was calling again..? He was strong enough to convince his Superiors to make the switch and let that friend stay with his young pregnant wife and witness (Joseph's friend) his first son's delivery.

In Joseph Jr. Words:

"Hey man! You should stay back with your wife. I'm single, and I know how it feels to be raised without the voice of a biological dad, who could've encouraged us from the very first day... we made it into this world...(classified)" (shake hands and the biggest hug from fellow airman and crying young wife)


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Comments 41 comments

TToombs08 profile image

TToombs08 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

What a fine and up standing son you have, Lord! :) VUMS!


Dave Mathews profile image

Dave Mathews 4 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

Parents today are not strict enough with their children, and it is because of the bleeding hearts, especially those handed everything they asked or cried for, just to shut them up. What ever happened to strict discipline, doing as one is told, not what one feels like.

A kid is a kid and a parent is a parent, although many parents want to be their kid's best friend. Wrong wrong wrong, in so many ways.


Onthetrail33 profile image

Onthetrail33 4 years ago from Roosevelt, Utah

Strict discipline can damage children and wives. A happy medium is best:...praise...discipline...praise

In the bible it states, I am paraphrasing, cause not thy children to be full of wrath.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Bravo my friend! What a fantastic story of overcoming and determination and just a damn will to live! Excellent read and true life story.


CloudExplorer profile image

CloudExplorer 4 years ago from New York City

This hub was filled with differing moments and kind of Topsy Turby (very turbulent hehe!).

I was in the US Navy and so I definitely relate to the whole getting rushed through the system thing, potentially becoming a statistic once getting out, and how some people just follow along, or at least that's how I perceived of much of my experience there, besides meeting all the awesome dedicated people there, who've fought long and hard for their country.

I like it nonetheless, it was quite amusing to me and goes too show your sense of humor for the reality in things today and also of that from the past, like the part that simply popped out of know where about Rousseau's birthday 300 years later tomorrow.

Nicely done my friend Mr Lord, voted up for interesting and surely funny and nice images too.


Dave Mathews profile image

Dave Mathews 4 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

I do not believe that discipline makes a child full of wrath. It sets limits for a child, teaches them who is the parent and the boss, and shows them that they are loved, loved enough to teach them right from wrong, to keep them out of trouble later with teachers and the police.


Onthetrail33 profile image

Onthetrail33 4 years ago from Roosevelt, Utah

I was meaning too much abuse in discipline and not enough praise, it can also cause children to loose their joy in life. A young man can handle more discipline than a 4th grader, it's all in the timing.

Being wise is the name of the game,

sorry for the misunderstanding!

onthetrail33


LaThing profile image

LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

This is beautiful JDC! You and his mother, being there for YOUR son (Joseph, Jr.) has made him who he is today, a true Man! I am sure he realizes that.... Touches our heart!

Voting up, and awesome!

PS. Give him a big hug from all of us when he gets home :)


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

What a wonderful thing for your son to do! I'm glad he was able to do it. He evidently has a big heart, just like you do! I know you're proud. I would not like to have a son fighting these wars that I sure don't believe in.

I voted this UP, etc.etc.


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Joseph.... Joseph Jr.. sounds wonderful.. i know you are proud. I remember those teens years with my sons.. there were wild times but my sons are so awesome.. I love YOUR HUB.. just awesome and so glad you are back. i have missed you

Debbie


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 4 years ago from San Francisco

What amazing piece of life. I ave come to realize, people are books. Thank you for this page.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Thank goodness for men who step up to the plate like you did. When I got divorced I had 10, 11, and 12 year old sons. Their Dad never took any interest in them to begin with but after the divorce they were hopeful that he would miss them and regret missing out on their lives. It never ever happened. It affected each one in a different way. Their Dad would mail a monthly check and moved on with life. Single mothers do have it rough and the teen years were very difficult to manage on my own especially with the angriest son. I did my best but there are things a single mom can't teach a son. They all grew up into great guys. But to this day, they have never once heard an "I love you" from their father. They now have their own father figure like your son. They don't feel like they missed out but we all know it was his loss. Your appreciation for single moms is so touching and endearing and this is a beautiful hub. You have made such a difference in YOUR son's life.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Beauiful, Lord. Well, done. What a gift you have given by being a REAL father in your son's life. You have such a huge heart. That is obvious in everything you write and the wonderful way you treat other people. If only all parents were that way. Well done, my friend. Many votes.


HLKeeley profile image

HLKeeley 4 years ago from Charlotte, NC

What an inspiring story. How proud you must be of your son. I hope that I make my parents as proud as you are for your son. :)


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hi there HL Keeley from UK,

We are where we come from. Genes and what surround us play the biggest role in our unfolding fate. You just need to focus in yourself and then see what the world have for you. Your dad will be relieved after seeing some actions taken on your own... Thanks for the kudos!

LORD


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

TToombs08,

Sometimes we run out of words, but you are right. We take the positive side of any situation and look ahead of time. Joseph Jr. knows it so well. Thanks for your kind words!

LORD


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

What's Up! Dave Mathews,

We respect your opinion and your words make so much sense. People don't want to hear the truth and might criticize you, but we know so well what you were talking about. Morality starts at home and... if role models are not available, what can you expect of our future as a country? Take care Dave!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

oNTHEtRAIL33,

We certainly agree with you, but all kids are a world apart from us adults. You have to realize that genes and external influences mold a young soul... for better or for worse. Thanks so much for stopping by twice.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Good evening Billybuc,

Your words make our day. Was just yesterday when I shared part of this story with you... the rest became history. Stay fine and keep writing those hubs from the heart!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Cloud Explorer,

You took us above Cloud explored9, paraphrasing that windows9 version, that you introduced to us. You know the deal bro' You confirmed our sum of all fears. Society has not changed for the good, and if we don't turn the tide... I think it's not too late to save this country. At least my two kids will be out there. Thanks for reading us and yes is 1.46 am eastern standard time and is J.J. Rousseau's 300th birthday... Thanks again Mike!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Wise words Dave Mathew; discipline and preaching with solid examples can make a total difference in a child's upbringing. Thanks again Dave!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Lathing,

Joseph Jr. has our spirit, believe it or not. His commitment with defending our Country goes above that monetary reward. We think some people are made to take the challenge, and is really surprising to say the least. Adversity can be a positive thing... a wall we need to climb in order to succeed.

He will need extra training in order to fit his Airforce Buddy's duty. Thanks LA!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hi Mary615,

My son took the plunge 8 years ago and was never afraid to do it. We don't believe in Wars, but we do not want a foe at our door steps, just to take our lives. Reality is worse than fiction at times. Thanks Mary!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hello Debbie Brooks,

Your prayers and your FB community do wonders. We as kids had our moments. but settle ourselves like your own kids. Life is a open book that we read and re-read until we get the right clues. Thanks for commenting with that particular emotion of yours.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Mhatter99,

You were right! Life has its ups and downs. We enjoyed our ups and reserve our downs for learning. Glad to see you commenting on our piece.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Tammy,

What a wonderful addendum to our hub. You deserve the best from your family and your kids. We learned to be strong and never gave up on our own kids. They can make smart decisions on their own, and that takes a big load from us as parents. Kids are not fools; they watch everything and respond accordingly. Anger was a way to relieve that 'unfatherly' tension that couldn't be delivered from the mom's POV. My son's Mother gave up on homework assistance when my son brought those polynomials and theorems back home. I guess God knew... it all along!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Vicky Lynn,

We just did what parents taught us. Tragically we are living in a self destructive society. Kids are raised by themselves; add FaceBook, an USB, an Ipod, and parents won't be needed as much. So, that gives young women a headache... in tryingt to find Mr Right. Sad!...Sad!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States

Lord, You certainly have a son to be proud of, despite his initial adversity. Children do survive a deadbeat dad, as my sons did and they have raised my grandchildren very well. I think we certainly have to look at you and your wife, who provided some positive direction for this son and the loved he needed.

I think parents are inconsistent with their boundaries, which is a big problem. If it is wrong today, then it is wrong every time. Boundaries make younger children feel safer. I believe any punishment should not be given out of anger, but love and it should be pertinent to the offense. Your hub is beautifully written and I enjoyed it very much.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 4 years ago

Man in general and some men in particular have to constantly reinvent the wheeel of Fatherhood , A sacred gift ! All too often we meet those who spoil the raising of a child out of personal greed and selfishness! Great hub !


kj force profile image

kj force 4 years ago from Florida

I am a firm believer in that regardless of which parent/g-parents raise a child, if there is discipline/love/respect/confidence/responsibility and reward with acceptance of personal responsibility for their actions..society will inherit an awesome individual...however..children that are raised in dysfunctional homes many times will carry over to adulthood...very well written hub..gave food for thought...


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Pamela99,

Education and values are being put aside for the sake of the shareholders benefitting. Teachers are being laid off, and the media is another circus wioth the license to take your own family values. The news highlight violence and kids are not being taught the way we were used to. Thanks for being so supportive Pam!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Ahorseback,

It's been a few generation ago, that we lost the sense of morality. You have said it better and we thank you for leaving such a wonderful comment


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

KjForce,

People liek you and me should be hired for parenting guidance. So many parents are lost between a past and that Iphone. Scary right? There is no way a kid will listen to a parent who doesn't have a FB account or a twitter. Technology is here, but core values from life are literally going down the drain.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and interesting. Thanks for sharing this. There should be a law against dead beat dads. Perhaps a special island just for them. Anyway congrats on raising a fine and upstanding citizen.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Wow Rasma, That was a good idea,

That Island should be named Atlantis John Doe, going down anytime soon. Thanks for the fun response


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

Very moving and a tribute to you and Joseph. We take so much for granted, especially the children of today. Many of them have no conception of what goes on in the world around them.

Pat yourself on the back Lord (I know you don't want to but you should) and give Joseph not only a pat but a hug for learning and loving!!!

Voted up.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Tillsontitan, I can't pat myself on the back. I got sunburnt...just kidding. Well, the story is there and My kids are having a good time. Today they are visiting Paris, being a day off. Is funny how fast they grow though. Hope you have a wonderful 4th of July... and thanks for your words!


tsmog profile image

tsmog 4 years ago from Escondido, CA

Lord I really appreciate the emotion and integrity of this article. Personally, never married and childless, those decisions are not first hand experience for me. I have very good friends who are single moms from over the years. The children amaze me. There are both sides of the fence, but I think it is probably 90/10 those kids probably turn out better without that deadbeat dad anyway. I could tell stories of coworkers who had child support payments, yet I like my teeth. Fantastic article shared and like the AF say, (2nd line) Climbing high into the sun . . .

tim


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Thanks Tim 'Tsmog,'

sincerily appreciated by taking your time and reading this tribute for father's day. Only God knows why these things happen, and we leave to him. Yep! The AF song:

"Off we go into the wild blue yonder, Climbing high into the sun; Here they come zooming to meet our thunder.."

Have a great day!


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

what a great man you are mighty lord...keeping away that young boy from hell's gate by giving him a name...and a mighty story to emulate upon as well...

i am against war...why should we wage war in order to bring peace?


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Raciniwa,

War will be around as much as armaments and the need and thirst for blood . So is like a business from hell. Hope you are fine! Thanks for checking on us. We hate wars, and my son chose that career, because uncles and cousins instilled in him the love for his country.

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