A Great Time to Barf!

(roadsignfun.com)
(roadsignfun.com)

By: Wayne Brown

 

(Writer’s Note: I create this little poem in response to the second Stan Fletcher Nuthouse Writing Challenge. I hope to win second prize and receive the entire $8.02 offered! Wish me luck!)

 

 

I went to the Dinky Burger at lunch time today

I ate a greasy cheeseburger then was on my way

Just as I put on my coat and wrapped up my scarf

The burger came right back up…a great time to barf

 

 

My girlfriend cooked spaghetti for my birthday

What a nice surprise was all that I could say

But it wasn’t long after I consumed her concoction

That I began to really barf…there wasn’t any option

 

 

The company picnic has always been an annual treat

It’s a savory experience with lots of cheese and meats

I always eat my fill and then some; after all it is free

Shortly thereafter I am usually found barfing by a tree

 

 

The New Year’s Party was a late night fun affair

There was liquor and celebration permeating the air

I liked the free champagne; decided to drink my fill

Who knew it’d make me barf…that nasty bubbly swill.

 

 

I took a little vacation down to the coast of Mexico

I had heard good things about it; always wanted to go

They said don’t drink the water; who cares what they say

Now I’m hugging the porcelain and barfing my guts away

 

 

I could not wait to experience fishing in the blue ocean

We went out on a great big boat, riding the wave motion

But before I could catch my prize for all to regale

I found myself hanging on the side barfing on the rail

 

 

It seems that everywhere I go someone’s got it in for me

They slip something in my drink or food when I do not see

Soon I’ve consumed my fill and their plan is now complete

Then you’ll find right outside, doing my barfing in the street.

 

 

Why is it I am so prone to suffer such a retching fate?

While others seem to enjoy all that’s on their plate

But when I imbibe of all this booze, lavish food and junk

Very soon I am in the toilet, sadly blowing chunks

 

 

© Copyright WBrown2011. All Rights Reserved.

© 2011 Wayne Brown

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Comments 39 comments

bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California

EEEEKKKKK, then what could you eat without barfing? Jinkies some veggies and rabbit food I suggest :)

Great and fun to read. Voted UP and FUNNY!!!

smiles :)


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Well, time for dinner.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@bellawriter23...There were worst subjects on Stan's list of titles this time! LOL! Thanks for the good words! WB

@mckbirdbks...Gee, I guess I should have timed it a little different...File a complaint with Stan Fletcher, he started all of this! LOL! WB


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 5 years ago from Texas

This was thouroughly sickening Wayne, you should win that eight bucks easy.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

I see a check being written for $8.02!

Hilarious, but it makes my tummy funny.

Uh-oh! Gotta go!


Truckstop Sally profile image

Truckstop Sally 5 years ago

Just goes to show -- you can write about anything. But maybe wish you hadn't. Ha! And you even found a sign to match! I hear the $8.02 being paid - cha-ching!

Who selects the winner? Are you going to write others for the competition?


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago

Hey Wayne go ahead , but I have to turn my head away or I will too ! Sounds like a tweaked stomach thing you got going on there. I recommend .........Beer. LOL.. I had to vote all four of them !


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

catchy and funny... good luck on your contest... hope this was note a true story! lol


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Loved the poetry, Wayne, but the subject matter upset my stomach big time. Excuse me I have to run . . .


Docmo profile image

Docmo 5 years ago from UK

Great rhyming Wayne! Should be matched up to a barfing tune and a song is born- probably a good country and western number with a ukelele ( and retching) . funny and queasy at the same time. yecchhhh.


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

Wayne - you have dun outdun yerself on this one...If I were a contestant, I think I would stay away from the 'barf' category after this fine poem. You speak as a man with some experience and it shows!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana

You have awesome creativity

As stated by Stan

It seems when it comes to barfing

You ARE THE MAN!


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

Great poem that makes me just wanna bust a gut. I always felt that puking extended my drinking day by three hours.

Many happy returns.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Wayne, would you please put "seattlestan" in you tags??? It will help Stan keep track of these hubs he's causing to happen.

Otherwise, my demon chickens are going to make me barf.


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 5 years ago from Philippines

One must study the art of barfing in order to maximize the effect. Try to find the right time and place to do it and the people you wish to offend...so all that food don't go to waste. :))


TimBryce 5 years ago

And your chest was seizing after all this?

All the best,

Tim


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

I laughed so hard I barfed. You just have to win! Voted up and funny.


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@A.A. Zavala...I think I hope I do...I think! LOL! WB

@WillStarr...It just sickens me to think of winning! WB

@Truckstop Sally...Put this one with eovery's brick and the kitchen sink! LOL! WB

@ahorseback...You know what they say about the "hair of the dog!" WB

@Barbergirl28...Nah...I was just kidding but thanks for the good luck wish...I think! WB

@drbj...I know what you mean...gets me the same way! WB

@Docmo...Thanks for the good words. I pulled out all the tops to win! WB

@Stan Fletcher...I definitely am not looking for 3rd place! WB

@sueroy333...Do you think you could use this one in your home schooling classroom? LOL! WB

@sligobay....Yes, it did for me too back in the day...not anymore! LOL! WB

@Austinstar...Done! In the tags as requested. I will get by and check on your chickens! WB

@SilentReed...It is an art. At one time I thought that was destined to be "gifted" with it! LOL! Wb

@TimBryce...That's the funny part of barfing...You beg God to make it stop and he gives you the dry heaves! WB

@breakfastpop....Please cut and paste your statement on to Stan Fletcher's hub! WB


CheyenneAutumn profile image

CheyenneAutumn 5 years ago

Wayne - I am so glad you brought all this up. I hope you are feeling better about things now and can use that $8.02 for some chicken soup for the barfing soul...

Thanks for the giggles and heaves...

Cheyenne


SheriSapp profile image

SheriSapp 5 years ago from West Virginia

Pretty creative. I wouldn't even attempt to write poetry of ANY kind!!!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@CheyenneAutumn...Well since you brought it up that I brought it, thanks for bringing it up...I feel much better! LOL! WB

@SheriSapp...Aw Come on, Sheri...you could do political limericks like a pro....you know:

Two ol' maids were lying in bed

One turn over to the other and said

Obama's spending money any way he can

The Dems now have assistance to find us a man!


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

This is hilarious you wrote like you knew your barfing etiquette. It would be a sad state of affairs if every time we went to a social gathering we had to carry a dependable barf bag with us, he he..Go for it, you have my vote for second maybe even first place, now if you win, I suggest you invest in a supply of barf bags to keep on ready for your next outing:0))


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@saddlerider1...You should get on over to Stan's place and find one of his titles to write on...they're pretty chocked full of nuts! Thanks, Ken! WB


samiaali profile image

samiaali 5 years ago

Hi WB, This was great! You sure did barf your butt off! LOL I vote this up!!!


kathryn1000 profile image

kathryn1000 5 years ago from London

Brilliant tho' I hope it's not true!It reminds me of a signI saw in a seaside town in UK on the promenade

No Skateboarding

No cycling

And someone put

No life!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana

What a great idea Wayne! I think this may help Chelsea really appreciate poetry!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Sure you're not suffering from bullemia? Bet you have no excess weight problem! hahaha. Take your $8.02 and invest in some healthier food! No doubt you'll win the prize for this one, Wayne. I laughed all the way through it - and gave it the funny vote!

(By the way, I was happy to see it was on the RSS list, too! Thanks for that! In fact I was happy to see the RSS list restored!)


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@samiaali...A good idea for changing up an old Eddie Rabbit song...Wooo, I am barfing my life away, lookin' for a better way, for me....Wooo! LOL! WB

@kathryn1000...Maybe I should write more in this vein...it seems to garner a lot of attention! LOL! Thanks for the great comments! WB

@sueroy333...Yes, I could see where such a subject might hold a tween's attention span as they learned of the verse! WB

@Nellieanna...Oh but the "poetress" should never read such grimy thoughts...how can you ever write of beauty again! LOL! Thank much for all the good words Nellieanna! WB


akirchner profile image

akirchner 5 years ago from Central Oregon

Cute take on a painful subject Wayne - are you going to 'attack' hemorrhoids next? Too funny - I would rather do many things than arf - can't even say 'b....f' because it makes me gag.

It's a sad thing when it happens to us but sometimes as they say....barf happens!


akirchner profile image

akirchner 5 years ago from Central Oregon

OMG - I did not know there was a purse involved! Good lord - then barf away!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@akirchner...So you'll arf for money huh? LOL! You should go for the third prize...you live close enough to Seattle to reduce the overall cost of winning significantly especially if you can keep Stan from gathering souvenirs! LOL! WB


akirchner profile image

akirchner 5 years ago from Central Oregon

Actually I'd best not - I'm the kind of gal who would arf because someone else was! On second thought - is that a bad thing?


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@akirchner...not with my kind of woman! LOL! WB


ACSutliff profile image

ACSutliff 5 years ago

Poor Wayne! It's okay, even men can have bulimia. Don't feel self conscious, just make sure you get some help. ;-)

Very funny poem, I especially enjoyed the stanzas about the company picnic and going to Mexico. Stan Fletcher had better pick you! 2nd prize is within your grasp!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@ACSutliff...A man will do some crazy things when money is involved...especially a tiddy sum like $8.02! I appreciate the confidence...I hope Stand is listening! WB


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

Yes, Wayne, I'm listening...and you're shortchanging yourself. The second prize is $8.03!


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@Stan Fletcher...Yeah, Yeah...that's what I meant...I'll need that money to buy me a DQ Blizzard and a small fries! WB


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

Lol

gave me a good laugh, and it was, as ALWAYS, well-written.

Wayne you are just a consistently great writer. thanks :]


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas Author

@BenWritings...Yes, this was a fun one but I am still awaiting my prize money! LOL! WB

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