A GUIDE TO SUCCESS IN LIFE-PART 1

INTRODUCTION

Fellow hubbers and other readers my reputation for being a klutz is legendary. In this series I will do my best to enlighten you why that reputation has been totally earned and I hope you enjoy the tales of my ineptitude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

STEP BY STEP GUIDE FOR THE DO-IT-YOURSELF HANDYMAN

If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

I have a light fixture in my bathroom that I’m going to have to tear down and replace because I’ve tried every device known to man to try to remove a screw in the side of the fixture just to replace the light bulb, I hate to use the 4-bulb vanity with very over-priced bulbs when the fixture works just fine under most circumstances with a fluorescent replacement for an iridescent bulb that only uses about 12 watts to give the same amount of light as a 60 watt iridescent. Add to that the fixture doubles as an exhaust blower and heater and you can plainly see it is a priceless piece of hardware the no home should be without!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

TRY TO WORK ALONE AN AUDIENCE IS SELDOM ANY HELP

Hitting your finger dead center with a hammer is always a physically painful experience but my aim for my finger with any type of hammer is akin to William Tell shooting apples off his son’s head. I always injure myself with a hammer and any other small hand tool. Unfortunately if others are present the physical pain is greatly multiplied by embarrassment and I tend to take my anger from that embarrassment out on anyone close to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

During the time of my marriage I was always trying do-it-yourself projects. I always ended up injuring myself in various ways and I always took it out on my ex-wife verbally. It got so bad that she would leave the house whenever she saw me go for the toolbox. I was a real horse’s ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

IF WHAT YOU’VE DONE IS STUPID, BUT WORK’S IT ISN’T STUPID

First I will cite a negative example showing true stupid behavior. When I was about 12 years old I had a watch that had stopped running. I had gotten the stupid idea that all it needed was a good cleaning. I had a set of jeweler’s tools that I had obtained from my Grandpa Whitworth’s estate and came up with the idiotic idea that I could clean it myself.

 

I took out the very small jewelers screwdriver and pried the bezel off the watch and parts and springs went flying pell mell and the watch was placed in an envelope to age where as far as I know it still resides!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Next I will cite a positive example showing a stupid idea that turned out very well. When I was a very young lad of about 5 years of age I used to fire the old coal furnace that heated our home in Moundsville on Meighan Avenue.  This was a chore I performed on a regular basis both last thing at night and first thing in the morning. One night I either got inspired or just got lazy, but for whatever reason I decided to toss a huge chunk of coal into the firebox!!!!

Guess what my laziness paid off in spades and the next morning the house was still very warm and when I went to the basement to refire the furnace that huge lump was still quite large and smoldering. All I needed to do to create the morning heat was break up that huge lump and add normal sized coal to the furnace and it was blazing for the morning until noon and the house was warm and cozy as a bug in a rug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

CONCLUSION

I truly hope you can get a small chuckle from my legendary Klutzhood. If so let me know and I have further klutz incidents to relate in future installments, My ineptitude knows absolutely no limits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Comments 26 comments

Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA

No small chuckles here Tom had a good ol laugh! Great Job!


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

Hmrjmr1,

Learning to laugh at myself was both necessary to my survival and sanity but in the case of sanity I fear I was too late!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your supportive comment.


Fiddleman profile image

Fiddleman 6 years ago from Zirconia, North Carolina

Tom don't feel like the Lone Ranger, my wife shudders when I get into the Mr Fix-it mode. She knows I am going to break what is already broke and most of the time I should have called one of her brothers who is an expert and will always save me some money and get the job done right the first time. Good we can laugh at ourselves and cry (secretly of course) when we smash our finger with the hammer.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

Fiddleman,

My hands begin to quake at the sight of a hammer these days. I try to leave all but very mundane chores to professionals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your supportive comment.


SheriSapp profile image

SheriSapp 6 years ago from West Virginia

I don't even attempt to perform many tasks like those you mentioned as I am also quite a klutz. My mom is actually pretty handy and helpful and willing to assist me, I just LOVE her!!!!


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA

Tom - One other thing you might want to remind handy man types - "If it aint Broke, have lunch!"


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

Sheri,

I belive my Dad spent so much time working at the B&K Market and spending what free time he had taking me to Pirate Games and watching me play sports myself I never had anyone to show me the proper way to use tools and thus my Klutzhood!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your kind comment.


SusanP 6 years ago

I'm laughing! Thanks for the fun and insight into the results of the frustrations of Klutzhood. Been there!


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

Hmrjmr1,

I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiments. I have broken more things trying to fix them than were ever broken in the first place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your helpful comment.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

SusanP,

I sympathize with your plight but I take Klutzhood to another level beyond normal people's comprehension!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your cogent comment.


Jolly Rogero profile image

Jolly Rogero 6 years ago

My dad, who had a Master's degree in Education from WVU, could fix anything from plumbing to electrical to drywall to concrete, automobiles and auto-body work. I don't know how he learned to do all those things, plus being a master woodworker. Yet, he managed to cut a finger off in a power saw. So even folks who are not 'Tool-Klutzes" sometimes bang a their fingers with hammers.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

Jolly Rogero,

I needed the opportunity to study industrial arts under such a master and I would have saved myself pain and turmoil!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your supportive comment.


Vladimir Uhri profile image

Vladimir Uhri 6 years ago from HubPages, FB

Thank you for good humor, my friend Tom.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Tom, This was hysterical. Isn't it wonderful that you have many other talents that are probably more important. I enjoyed this hub immensely.


eovery profile image

eovery 6 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

Tom, you are the man!

Keep on hubbing!


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

Vladimir,

You are most welcome my friend and mentor.

Thank you for your very kind comment.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

Pamela,

I am glad you enjoyed the hub and almost any talent I have is more important than my skill with hand tools!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your supportive comment.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

eovery,

I am the man but I'm never going to be an industrial arts instructor but I do have talents in other areas!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your comment.


dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 6 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

I have my own share of failed projects. I well remembe our coal furnace in which we burned paper eggshells and what not.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

dahoglund,

The old coal furnaces may have been dirty burning but I always loved the smell of the coal smoke the first time they burned every fall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your comment.


sheila b. profile image

sheila b. 6 years ago

Your hammering reminded me of the time I was intent on pounding a nail into wood. I managed to get the nail in place and steady, then moved my hand at least a foot away so I wouldn't hit my thumb. Imagine my horror, then, as I was swinging that hammer and realized to late I was aiming right for my hand! That's the last time I've tried such a thing.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

sheila b.

I think I've every type of accident known to humanity with a hammer!!!!!!

You should have seen me with a bifold door I almost tore half my finger off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your kind comment.


sheila b. profile image

sheila b. 6 years ago

Thank you for the email and I hope you manage to enjoy Thanksgiving Day. Best wishes in finding your nephew and I'm sorry you lost his brother. I'm sure we'll all praying for you.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

Thank you sheila b. and I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving also. May God bless you and kepp you safe in His comforting hands.


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

You've got a good sense of humor, brother. I had heard you are on a mission of sorts. I hope you are successful.


Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 5 years ago from Moundsville, WV Author

James,

Thank you brother and I am on a mission of sorts and I appreciate your compliment on my sense of humor. I'll be telling you all about the mission soon!!!!!!!!!!!!

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