A Journey of Life from 13 to 30
Words Hurt and They Leave Lasting Scars
Earlier this week I read a great hub written by KCC Big Country called Teenage Emotions. I found it to be a fantastic hub, which pointed out a problem that many parents tend to forget about. When you are a teenager, the most important thing in the world is having friends. Life can be somewhat terrifying and almost unbearable when you are one of the kids that is seen as a socially inadequate being and labeled an outcast. You are a walking target for cruel comments and are often at the receiving end of harsh jokes made at your expense.
While I was reading Teenage Emotions, I was taken back to my teenage years, where I was one of those socially inadequate teenagers and at times I did not fit in at all on any level of the social pyramid and found myself eating in bathroom stalls to avoid the ridicule and torture that many teenagers tend to find amusing to partake in. To this day that torture is still very vivid in my mind and it has probably affected every aspect of my life. On KCC Big Country's Hub, I reluctantly opened up and left a comment, and her response to my comment included a suggestion to write a hub.
This is a hub that not only has to do with a teenagers pain-it also gives the aftermath of what life can be for someone who for some reason is labeled an outcast and struggles well into adulthood to accept whom she was and who she is and what life has thrown her way. Words hurt-and they leave lasting scars. If you are so lucky to have children, please save another child from feeling pain and hurt by discussing with your children, that hurting others is nothing that should be considered a laughing matter. I hope you enjoy this poem-and I hope that it reminds some, that everyone matters; no life is a waste- it is so much better and more productive to help lift someone up than it is to push them down.
Praying for someone to please save me...
Every Life Deserves to be Lived
I wish I understood, she thinks to herself.
What makes me different from everybody else?
I am different because you have all changed.
Who am I? Well I am nobody that can be the same.
13 years was a desperate age within itself.
A time for fitting in,
And growing up with friends.
But when you don’t fit in,
The world is very cruel,
Everyday becomes a nightmare-
One which you live every moment whether or not you are at school.
15 years is a lonely age, more confusing than the year before.
You can't even consider yourself the simplest form of cool.
Nothing feels like it will ever be good enough to just be okay,
Especially when you can't escape the whispers of what all the other kids say.
You try to tell your parents, but they don’t understand.
How other kids your age, can make you feel like you are in hell.
But now you find a friend-but not one of flesh and blood
Your friend helps you fly high above the cruel harshness of your world.
Before you know it you're 17, and still not much has changed.
You still stay up praying each night that no one will remember your name
Your secret friend is no secret-almost everybody knows.
When at 17 years of age-you are 89 pounds of flesh and bones.
You are now a statistic and life has taken the best from you.
And still no one understands or has any kind of clue.
You wake up each day wishing you were dead-
Even the ones you thought were friends gave up on you in the end.
At 18 years of age-you knew college would be different.
But college was just High School with more people in it.
You still don’t get how you are seen as such a crazy freak.
You never even opened your mouth for them to hear you speak.
At 18 you are an adult-free to decide for yourself.
So when you tried to take your life it's no surprise no one cared.
At 19 years of age-although you still don’t fit in,
You have learned to trust a few- Which you truly consider friends.
But late one night or early one morning-I can't recall which one
Everything that was innocent about me-was lost before I could remember to run
If this is what friends are suppose to be,
No wonder I’m so messed up-in an instant, I completely lost everything within me.
Dozens of stitches-and a pain buried so deep
A shame I wore on my heart, I am not sure if it was ever seen.
20 years of age-A new life has begun
I am now a mother and I have a newborn son
I still don’t live in the world that you see and know
I just sent my best friend/ my sons father, to a mental institution.
If I knew at 21 what I know at 30, I am not sure I would have kept on going to experience life’s journey.
At 22 years of age- in a place still all alone.
I held my son close as he left this cruel world.
How could God do this to me-is he even there?
What am I suppose to be- for life to be somewhat fair?
I feel no love; I have no friends and the only person I really loved,
Was sick for 2 years and his little body just gave up.
At 23 I lost myself to more drugs and booze to count.
I found myself in rehab and Harvard almost gave me a boot out.
But they had compassion, the first compassion I somewhat felt,
Perhaps it was the withdrawal of drugs that made me find a light.
But until the age of 28, the light was a very distant guide.
So today I am years older than the sad girl that was lost.
And although life hasn’t been fair- I’ve paid up when it has cost.
I know that there is something wonderful in this life for me.
And if my life helps someone else, maybe I was meant to be.
Even when I gave up, I never stopped and gave in-
So if you’re living a tortured life-
I hope you can find yourself to believe in.
We can’t undo the past and the future isn’t set in stone
But if you can be kind to someone, you may give them enough hope to hold on.
Additional Poetry By this Writer
- Pity Me Oh So Perfectly
The girl with the face that is never really seen, She stands in the shadows trying to convince herself, this is the way that life is supposed to be. Why is she so sad, with all that she has? Pity...
- A deep red purple stains the ground
The tears flow from the eyes of depression A deep red purple stains the ground The world becomes dark and heart becomes cold She tries to find a light in the darkness, but she only sees her shadow...
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