A Journey of Life from 13 to 30

Words Hurt and They Leave Lasting Scars

Earlier this week I read a great hub written by KCC Big Country called Teenage Emotions. I found it to be a fantastic hub, which pointed out a problem that many parents tend to forget about. When you are a teenager, the most important thing in the world is having friends. Life can be somewhat terrifying and almost unbearable when you are one of the kids that is seen as a socially inadequate being and labeled an outcast. You are a walking target for cruel comments and are often at the receiving end of harsh jokes made at your expense.

While I was reading Teenage Emotions, I was taken back to my teenage years, where I was one of those socially inadequate teenagers and at times I did not fit in at all on any level of the social pyramid and found myself eating in bathroom stalls to avoid the ridicule and torture that many teenagers tend to find amusing to partake in. To this day that torture is still very vivid in my mind and it has probably affected every aspect of my life. On KCC Big Country's Hub, I reluctantly opened up and left a comment, and her response to my comment included a suggestion to write a hub.

This is a hub that not only has to do with a teenagers pain-it also gives the aftermath of what life can be for someone who for some reason is labeled an outcast and struggles well into adulthood to accept whom she was and who she is and what life has thrown her way. Words hurt-and they leave lasting scars. If you are so lucky to have children, please save another child from feeling pain and hurt by discussing with your children, that hurting others is nothing that should be considered a laughing matter. I hope you enjoy this poem-and I hope that it reminds some, that everyone matters; no life is a waste- it is so much better and more productive to help lift someone up than it is to push them down.

Praying for someone to please save me...

We all start off as kids-looking forward to growing up.
We all start off as kids-looking forward to growing up.
But for some kids, growing up can be dark and cruel
But for some kids, growing up can be dark and cruel
and what is considered the simplest things are almost the most impossible things to figure out.
and what is considered the simplest things are almost the most impossible things to figure out.
Feeling alone and lost when you are a teenager can lead to;
Feeling alone and lost when you are a teenager can lead to;
Feeling lost and alone as an adult.
Feeling lost and alone as an adult.
Make sure that your children understand the pain that words can cause.
Make sure that your children understand the pain that words can cause.
Because every child deserves to smile.
Because every child deserves to smile.
And we all deserve a little love.
And we all deserve a little love.

Every Life Deserves to be Lived

I wish I understood, she thinks to herself.

What makes me different from everybody else?

I am different because you have all changed.

Who am I? Well I am nobody that can be the same.


13 years was a desperate age within itself.

A time for fitting in,

And growing up with friends.

But when you don’t fit in,

The world is very cruel,

Everyday becomes a nightmare-

One which you live every moment whether or not you are at school.


15 years is a lonely age, more confusing than the year before.

You can't even consider yourself the simplest form of cool.

Nothing feels like it will ever be good enough to just be okay,

Especially when you can't escape the whispers of what all the other kids say.

You try to tell your parents, but they don’t understand.

How other kids your age, can make you feel like you are in hell.

But now you find a friend-but not one of flesh and blood

Your friend helps you fly high above the cruel harshness of your world.


Before you know it you're 17, and still not much has changed.

You still stay up praying each night that no one will remember your name

Your secret friend is no secret-almost everybody knows.

When at 17 years of age-you are 89 pounds of flesh and bones.

You are now a statistic and life has taken the best from you.

And still no one understands or has any kind of clue.

You wake up each day wishing you were dead-

Even the ones you thought were friends gave up on you in the end.


At 18 years of age-you knew college would be different.

But college was just High School with more people in it.

You still don’t get how you are seen as such a crazy freak.

You never even opened your mouth for them to hear you speak.

At 18 you are an adult-free to decide for yourself.

So when you tried to take your life it's no surprise no one cared.


At 19 years of age-although you still don’t fit in,

You have learned to trust a few- Which you truly consider friends.

But late one night or early one morning-I can't recall which one

Everything that was innocent about me-was lost before I could remember to run

If this is what friends are suppose to be,

No wonder I’m so messed up-in an instant, I completely lost everything within me.

Dozens of stitches-and a pain buried so deep

A shame I wore on my heart, I am not sure if it was ever seen.


20 years of age-A new life has begun

I am now a mother and I have a newborn son

I still don’t live in the world that you see and know

I just sent my best friend/ my sons father, to a mental institution.

If I knew at 21 what I know at 30, I am not sure I would have kept on going to experience life’s journey.


At 22 years of age- in a place still all alone.

I held my son close as he left this cruel world.

How could God do this to me-is he even there?

What am I suppose to be- for life to be somewhat fair?

I feel no love; I have no friends and the only person I really loved,

Was sick for 2 years and his little body just gave up.


At 23 I lost myself to more drugs and booze to count.

I found myself in rehab and Harvard almost gave me a boot out.

But they had compassion, the first compassion I somewhat felt,

Perhaps it was the withdrawal of drugs that made me find a light.

But until the age of 28, the light was a very distant guide.


So today I am years older than the sad girl that was lost.

And although life hasn’t been fair- I’ve paid up when it has cost.

I know that there is something wonderful in this life for me.

And if my life helps someone else, maybe I was meant to be.

Even when I gave up, I never stopped and gave in-

So if you’re living a tortured life-

I hope you can find yourself to believe in.

We can’t undo the past and the future isn’t set in stone

But if you can be kind to someone, you may give them enough hope to hold on.

More by this Author


Comments 40 comments

alexandriaruthk profile image

alexandriaruthk 6 years ago from US

beuatiful hub, it is always beautiful to see your hubs, images and your writings!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Thank you Alexandriaruthk, for your comment and for recommending this on in the thread :)


FitnezzJim profile image

FitnezzJim 6 years ago from Fredericksburg, Virginia

Nicely done.


Missi Darnell profile image

Missi Darnell 6 years ago from Southern California

Beautiful, tragic, and inspirational. I enjoyed your hub immensely.


Veronica Allen profile image

Veronica Allen 6 years ago from Georgia

Oh H.C., this brought me to tears. I think we can all find a little bit of ourselves in this poem. What a great reminder to us all that what we say and how we treat others (especially our children) will indeed effect them negatively or positively.


Ann Nonymous profile image

Ann Nonymous 6 years ago from Virginia

This is a beautiful hub and so wonderuful in conveying your emotions. It's 100 times better than teh movie 13 going on 30! Great job, H.C!!!!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

FitnezzJim, Thanks for reading and leaving a comment :)

Missi Darnell, Thank you as well for taking the time to read and comment-I am also pleased that you felt so moved by the words :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Veronica,

Ohhhh...Didnt mean to make you tear up. I am glad that you enjoyed it though. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. You are correct-Children are effected in both negative and positive ways by their parents and more so by their friends. But with a good head on their shoulders and better understanding of cause and effect...good things can occur.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Ann, Lol-thanks, I am so glad you feel like the Hub was better than the movie :) Thanks for reading and leaving such a great comment, as always :)


Ken R. Abell profile image

Ken R. Abell 6 years ago from ON THE ROAD

That is powerful, sometimes gut-wrenching in its sheer honesty. I can easily relate to the feelings of isolation & alienation. Thank you. Be encouraged & blessed because you "know that there is something wonderful in this life" for you.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York

A very moving hub.


soumyasrajan 6 years ago from Mumbai India and often in USA

Nice poem and pictures. Enjoyed evolving sentiments with age.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Ken, Thanks for your comment. I am glad that you enjoyed this, and am sorry that you could relate. There is something wonderful in each life that is lived-sometimes patience is all we can give until it is made clear.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Paradise7

Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read and comment :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Soumyasrajan,

Thanks for the comment-our feedback is very much appreciated. I think that within each age-we will learn something new about ourselves-and we as people continue to evolve.


mistrunner 6 years ago

Good hub hc. well written and honest.


samboiam profile image

samboiam 6 years ago from Texas

H.C. you are awesome. I am working on a hub and I would like to link it to this hub. If it okay please let me know.

It is a poem entitled "Fear, Pain and Regret".


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

mistrunner, Thanks for your comment :)

samboiam,

Thanks you, that is a very nice thing to say. Of course, I would be honored to have a link to this hub-so to answer your question- No I dont mind at all. Thanks for asking :)


Mike Lickteig profile image

Mike Lickteig 6 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

H.C. this was beautiful and touching. YOu demonstrated great strength of character in writing these words, and I thank for your honestry and integrity.

Mike


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Mike, Thanks for reading and leaving such a kind comment. My strength has been a constant work in progress over the past 15+ years... For some time I cried endlessly over simple things that really did not matter. It has taken much self examination and support from my husband, and family to be comfortable with who I am now to want to write words like this, if nothing more than to hope that someone will think twice before they say cruel things to someone that is undeserving. Thanks again for reading and commenting :)


ablex 6 years ago

so emotional


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Ablex, Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my hub-


Lita C. Malicdem profile image

Lita C. Malicdem 6 years ago from Philippines

Great idea of a hub with a written article alongside the photo story. You're a genius! Reading this hub for the first time makes me feel I have known you for years. Good work for a well-lived life despite the many challenges that had confronted you. Keep up the positive outlook on life. God bless you, Friend.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Thank you Lita- that is a very nice comment to leave :)

I am so glad you liked this poem and it engaged you the way that it did. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment :)


nadiaazhar profile image

nadiaazhar 6 years ago from kuwait

WOW....another touching piece of writing, like always i enjoyed the read.i totally agree to you that bitter words leave lasting scars, and thats why i always emphasize on choosing words,infact before making any statement we should put ourselves in others shoes.

Who improve with age embrace the power of personal growth and personal achievement and begin to replace youth with wisdom, innocence with understanding, and lack of purpose with self-actualization. Every one goes through some incidents in life which lead to shift in self perception and silly girls turn into strong women of substance.Thanks for sharing the hub,have rated it up!

take care,Nadia


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Nadia, So very true-people go through situations, many of which do turn silly girls into very strong women. I worry so often about my kids and how they will be treated at school (I pray that they are not the subject to cruel words), and pray that I teach them the value of kindness and the power of words- as well as the weakness that lashes out towards others that can feel as if it will break you- I hope they never feel that hurt. Thanks for the comment and for the thumbs up rating :)


focus2020 6 years ago

Your poem is really beautiful!!!! I wish it could be shared with many many more people, I'm very sure there are many young people out here who can relate to this and gain inspiration.... just keep pouring your heart out..... many will get many a lesson from it.... thanks for sharing


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

focus2020,

Thanks for the great comment-I am glad that you enjoyed reading it-I hope that the people that do read it, think about the words and take it to heart, for how some kids can actually feel when others are not so kind. Thanks for reading and leaving your comment


charanjeet kaur profile image

charanjeet kaur 6 years ago from Delhi

HC Porter it takes a lot of strength to pen down your struggles. It was a touching story indeed and you have a way with words. I could feel so connected and loved how you have grown in the journey. Your kids will love you for being thier strength and guiding light. Cheers and best wishes.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

charanjeet kaur,

Thanks so much for your kind comment, and your compliment. I hope that you are correct and my kids do end up seeing me as strength and someone who never gave in or up on herself or on them. I figure, at 30- i still have so much to learn and so much to live-and it is my past, that makes me appreciate my future as much as I do. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read and comment.


ralwus 6 years ago

You write powerful words my dear. Almost bringing me to tears for you and for myself, my past actions in High School. I was cruel to certain other students at times, I admit this now and regret it. I learned kindness by the kindness of others in my adulthood and no longer act that way. It is a terrible thing and I am so sorry for how I was. Thanks now, much love and peace, CC


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

ralwus,

Thanks for taking the time to read this poem. The past is different for everyone-and my past brought me to the place that I am in right now and I think it had given me the heart and the ability to relate to other peoples emotions and situations, so with that said-I am okay with my life.

I think the fact that you learned how to step back and see that you may have stepped out of line when you were young and may have hurt others because you didn't realize the effect that kids have on other kids-is a great testament of your character and I admire that about your personality. Not many are able to take responsibility for what they have done wrong in their lives and tend to pass it off as normal kid stuff.

Normal kid/teenager stuff...Gosh, I use to hate that term. Along with the term, ignore it and they will stop. It is so easy to say these things-not so easy to take the words for what they are and believe in them.

Thank you so much Ralwus for your very heart felt comment-your honesty is admirable and I am proud to know you through Hub Pages :) Thanks AGAIN for reading and being so kind as to comment so thoughtfully


Sunshyne1975 profile image

Sunshyne1975 6 years ago from California, US

This gave me goosebumps. Thanks so much for sharing this. I love it!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

sunshyne1975,

thanks for the kind comment- I am glad that so many people were able to relate to a hub that is on such a touchy, somewhat painful series of circumstances. So happy you loved it! :)


Sunshiney31 profile image

Sunshiney31 6 years ago

What a strong woman you are! These words are so moving and honest.I needed this read and glimpse into anothers life today. Thank you for wearing your heart on your sleeve and being so honest.. I am very moved


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Sunshiney31,

oh...I don’t know how strong I actually am- definitely stubborn, but my strength has been about 30years in the making- I am not sure how to write without putting my heart on my sleeve (which has earned me much ridicule for over sharing) but I feel as if that is the best way to share-so I appreciate your compliment and taking the time to read and comment on this hub :)


SteveoMc profile image

SteveoMc 6 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

I don't normally like poetry....just not my thing, but sometimes I am drawn to one as if I am a moth drawn to a light. It is the middle of the night and tomorrow starts a new year at my non-traditional high school. It is a very small high school of 35 students but they all come the path you have so eloquently written about. Now I have that goal I have been thinking about for our first faculty meeting. It is going to be to remember our purpose, and to reach out to our students in that we care about you way that always makes a difference. Thank you.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

steveomc, thanks for commenting- Im glad that my words were able to act as a reminder...specially to a teacher who is around so many influential children. Kids and adults alike, need to be reminded that what we say and do towards others---can have lasting effects...and to choose our words and actions wisely. Thanks for reading---good luck in the new school year...your job is amongst the most important jobs one could ever have :)


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago

H.C. , I am deeply moved by your writing and your obvious stregnths , the hardest part of living is living on! Sometimes , and you not only do that but have the kind of wonderful heart to actually share your story !You have the gift! The gift of sharing and teaching, I can imagine a lot of young girls ,and boys would "listen" to you. I wish for you moments , hours and days of serenity and peace.Hugs...


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

ahorseback

Thank you for that comment. I havent re-read this poem in awhile, or any of the comments others have left. the re examination of my life, struggles and successes- and then what others see in me and my abilities was an uplifting moment in my chaotic and draining day... Thank you so very much for your kindness, it was helpful today, and thank you for reading a little bit of my journey :)

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