I Know A Little Bit About Everything And A Whole Lot About Nothing

I've been everywhere, nowhere, and places in between. During my travels, or non-travels, thoughts just float through my mind. Some are funny, thought provoking, and others are just down-right stupid...so, so mundane.

This list is a compilation of my thoughts and actual experiences, and is not catergorized in any particular order; hence the title; "A Little Bit of Everything and a Whole Lot of Nothing". After reading this you may think "...this chile' is crazy!", or you'll think that my brilliancy exceeds me, which...by the way...are random thoughts too!

 

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1. I think James was mess'n around with Willona on Good Times.

2. If Captain Chesapeake was the Captain of the Chesapeake Bay, then how was Mondy a Sea Monster?

3. I used to think a whopper jr. w/ cheese met the five basic food groups.

4. Did you know that there's a slave cemetery in Cockeysville, Maryland?

5. My son went in the refrigerator again and I yelled at him. He asked, "Can a playa' get a slice of cheese?"

6. I live for today, I dream of tomorrow and I don't miss yesterday.

7. Was Miss Mary Mack her real name? ...Miss Ma-ry Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black...remember that rhyme? I can't prove it, but I think her real name was Gertrude!

8. House bums of the world unite!

9. Did you know that jockey's on front lawns were used to steer runaway slaves to safe houses?

10. Feed a man fish, and he'll eat for the day. Teach a man to fish and he'll buy a bag of frozen lake trout!


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11. I think if my dog could talk, he'd say, "Will you PLEASE shut up!.

12. When life gives you lemons...buy limes, they're cheaper.

13. Put up, stand up, or shut up!

14. It's okay to talk to yourself. It's okay to answer yourself, after you've asked yourself a question. You only have a problem, if you ask yourself to repeat what you said.

15. One day I saw the Blue Bird of Happiness in my backyard...and then a cat ate it...so much for happiness...damn cat!

16. Don't push me, cause' I'll push back...but only harder!

17. Guys who wear their pants off their hind-parts will wonder why they have back and leg problems later in life. Pull your britches up!!!!

18. Why do people throw a fit, but have a ball?

19. Life IS like a box of chocolates...sometimes semi-sweet, and mixed with an occasional nut!

20. I offer no excuses, and I make no apologies.


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21. I awoke today feeling energized...recharged, and then realized...I was dream'n.

22. See a penny pick it up, and all day you'll have...a dirty penny.

23. I think Rocky the Squirrel and Bullwinkle the Moose had a little sumth'n going on.

24. I'm still mad at Miss Sally for not calling my name on Romper Room, "...and I see Sharon", was all she had to say!

25. Why do Gas Stations still have Self Service signs? When was the last time you saw a station attendant pump gas?

26. Has anyone else noticed that Mr. Clean is looking m-i-g-h-t-y fine these days?!

27. What came first the chicken or the egg? It doesn't matter...I'll fry em' both!

28. When it rains cats and dogs, should you call animal control?

29. What is the time that heals all wounds?

30. If laughter is the best medicine, then what is the proper dosage?

These are only a portion of my random thoughts. Had I published any more, you'd either be bored, say a prayer, or dial 911!

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Comments 41 comments

The Last Born Child 5 years ago

Wow! This article got me crackin up! I think James was sneakin over Wilona house too! Wilona was fine!


Yahkeem 5 years ago

I love this article, it gave me a much needed laugh.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

@The Last Born Child, thank you for your comment. I truly think that Penny was the love child of James and Willona. AND, she was raised by the woman alleged to be her Mother, who was angry because she was ready for the truth to be told. Had the show lasted for one more season, the truth would have come out. That's my story and I'm stick'n to it!

@Yahkeem, thank you my brutha for taking the time out to not only read my article, but respond. That shows excellance in your character...and I like it!!!!


Yolanda Harris 5 years ago

Girl u crazy...why am I sitting here singing Miss Mary Mack while getting my gas pumped by an attendent...Jersey Girls don't pump gas, its the only reason I like it here.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Yogi, I guess I can only account for gas NOT getting pumped in Baltimore! Actually, I was told that there are attendants in Jersey...might be worth a move...considering the gas prices! I thank you so much for stopping by AND leaving a comment...YOU ROCK!!!!!!


Strong and Focus 5 years ago

I knew you where special I just didn't know how "SPECIAL" LOL this was great


AA 5 years ago

This article is hilarious! My sister told me once that she met a woman whose name was Mary Mack and she couldn't resist singing the song to her.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

@Strong and Focus, I am special, but I got off the short yellow bus, tripped...and here I am!

@AA, I think Miss mary Mack's real name is Gertrude...I can't prove it...but I have a feel'n!!!!


Kwadaddy 5 years ago

#14 hahahahahaha


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Kwadaddy...heeeeyyyyy!! I know...I know...I laugh at myself too!!


Kelvin  5 years ago

"25. Why do Gas Stations still have Self Service signs? When was the last time you saw a station attendant pump gas?"

Stations still pump gas for old people, disabled people, and anybody who just doesn't want to get out of the car.

Plus, in New Jersey, self-service stations are outlawed. You have to let a worker pump it for you, whether you want to or not.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

@Kelvin, maybe where you live, stations pump gas for the elderly, disabled, and anyone who doesn't want to pump gas. Where I live, there is ONLY ONE PERSON at all stations, and THAT ONE person is operating the cash register, AND does not come out of his booth for anything or anybody. Perhaps the elderly or disabled have a passenger with them in their travels to assist. I think in all of my years of driving, and the thousands of times I got gas (at different stations at that), I would have seen this.

AND it was already acknowledged that attendants pump gas in New Jersey.

I can only account for what happens (or doesn't), where I live. Not in New Jersey, or any other city, state, or country.


LaTrice 5 years ago

I needed that!! Lol


AuntDarlene 5 years ago

I'm kinda glad I don't live in your head. some of those heavy thoughts might knock me down. Here's one, when you stand o your head, does your dress fall up or down?


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

@Latrice, I'm glad the article brought you much needed laughter. Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment.

@AuntDarlene, Yeah if you lived in my head, you'd be in t-r-o-u-b-l-e!! Yet, you always give me something to think about...so, this is partially your fault! (LOL) Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment.


Sheronda  5 years ago

Now that was funny Cousin Dear. We have one talented family... and we are good looking too. Do your thing Girl!


Ashantina profile image

Ashantina 5 years ago

Personal fave no 19/22 :) You have a such a witty mind, imatellm :) loved this!!!

up/funny


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

@Sheronda, yes we do have many talented people in our family...we're so fortunate to have and be related to one another. Thanks for leaving a comment...it's greatly appreciated.

@Ashantina, I am a penny-picker-upper! I thought of #22 after picking up a penny, and started saying the chant, "See a penny pick it up, and all day you'll have good luck." I surmised that filth and not luck was more likely. Thanks as always!!!


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 5 years ago from East Coast, United States

Well hello! I thought you were out of here! I loved this hub so much and have way too much to say about it:

1) There is a gas station where they pump your gas on Taylor Ave. in Balto. County between Loch Raven Boulevard and Oakleigh Rd. It's a cheap gas too, but my mechanic said don't use it in my old car.

2) A friend of mine took her son to see Capt. Chesapeake in person. The Captain was drunk as a skunk!

3) Well, you are sure younger than I am. I saw Miss Nancy on Romper Room. When I was 14, my friend and I drew pictures pretending to be young children, with a couple of the letters of our names backwards, like that. Not only did Miss Nancy display our pictures, but she mentioned us when looking through the magic mirror. You gotta get involved in these things.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Hey "D", no, I'm not outta here, I've just been doing A Little Bit of Everything AND a Whole Lot of Nothing. HaHa

1). I forgot about that station on Taylor Ave. It gives me the creeps. If you block out your peripheal vision, you'll think you're in a small town. Since 98% of stations IN Baltimore City do not provide service, my thought counts as the majority.

2.)I heard about the Captain being a drunk. He's the one who likely named Mondy The Sea Monster...now it makes sense!

3.)Miss Nancy musta' been drinking along with Captain Chesapeake! Now I'm r-e-a-l-l-y mad! (kidding).


Neil Sperling profile image

Neil Sperling 5 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

LOL -- number 11 makes sense. My dog would agree for sure.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

@Neil, my dog just gives me THAT look!! Thanks for stopping by...it's good to see you...hear from you!


kimh039 profile image

kimh039 5 years ago

I'm guessing the whopper jr is not a full course? I can't believe that about the jockey! We actually had one of those in our front yard where i grew up. In the 70s my parents removed it because they were told it was racist and offensive. I never really knew what it meant. That's very interesting, imatellmuva. Oh, I know of two full service stations! You're right though, they should not say anything unless they are full service! Imacrackup everytime i see that now:)


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Hey Kimmy Kimh039, I was convinced that the whopper jr WITH cheese was a full course...and then I started reading.

The black jockey was (is ) considered offensive, because of the exaggerated features; jet black skin, bug-eyed, large red lips. There are actually two stories behind the use of the jockey. I only referenced one, but the other still relates to a black person as a faithful servant. It's offensive because blacks are often portrayed in this stereotypical fashion. After slaves were brought to America our features changed due to miscegenation. We all don't have those features, so don't only portray us that way.

Right...about the self-service signs at gas stations...maybe I need to move...cause' the service stations round' here ain't (yes ain't) pump'n gas for NOBODY!

It's a pleasure to hear from you Kim...thanks!!


kimh039 profile image

kimh039 5 years ago

Thanks imatellmuva. Now I get it. I had to look up "miscegenation" though. That would be good hub topic in itself. Hmmm. Thanks for the fyi:)


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Miscegenation definition...I had to look it up too. I knew what word I wanted to use but had to be absolutely clear. Glad you looked it up...anyone else may have simply said, "Uhm...okay."

And yes that would be a good hub topic...perhaps I'll explore it...one day, but right now...I like stick'n to the fun stuff. Thanks again...you're a dear!!


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 5 years ago from East Coast, United States

Wait a minute. You mean Miss Nancy did not really see me through the magic mirror? Another bubble burst :(


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Sorry to disappoint you "D", but Miss Nancy was in cahoots with Miss Sally...they had all the kids believ'n in their magic mirror! I hate magic and handheld mirrors to this day because of them!! Go suck an egg Miss Sally...Miss Nancy too!!!


Lene Lynn profile image

Lene Lynn 5 years ago from Glendale, AZ

These are HILARIOUS! I love the one about your "playa" son just wanting a slice of cheese! I love the Whopper Jr. encompassing ALL four food groups - whoa! If I had a dog that could talk, he would tell my BOYFRIEND to shut up because that man is constantly on a stream of consciousness! The box of chocolates saying is so true! I went to a bakery once and told them I wanted the brownie with the whipped cream and the nuts and cherry on it because it was "fluffy (whipped cream is fluffy, you know!), sweet, and a little nuts just like me!" The bakery lady laughed and said I should be a stand-up comedian, and I told her that my ex told me once, "The only thing funny about you is your face!" So, that took care of that issue! And as far as Miss Sally on Romper Room - when I was little, I used to get sad everytime I watched her because I just KNEW she was never going to say MY name since it is French and so different from everyone else's! She was one of the main reasons I suffered from low self-esteem for so long, because I felt non-existent and non-important! heheheh! Love ya, girl!


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

It's crazy...these thoughts, actually do float through my mind, and I crack up OUT LOUD! I threw the one in about my son, because I often think of it...he's nearly as funny as I am. Sounds like you made the bakery lady's day, AND a real big and gigantic BOOOOOOO on the ex...they're ex's for a reason! As a child Miss Sally had me so mad that I thought if ever I see her in person, I'm going to stick my tongue out at her...that'll show her!!


Lene Lynn 5 years ago

You are too funny! Did you ever read my hub called, "Memorable Moments of Funny"??? You had to be there in person to get the full gist of what I did, but those were the funniest moments in my life! And guess what? Those kinds of ideas float through my head all the time, like for instance, "Did Adam have a belly button? He didn't have a Mother or Father, you know!" AND, "Why is there no such thing as 'jello art'???" hehehe! I love you, girl, you crack me up! My oldest son is much like me in the "quick wit and repartee" area!!! :)


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Hi Lene, no I haven't read Memorable Moments of Funny..wait...I can't remember if I did or not. I'll take a look at it to see if it jogs my memory. If it doesn't, then I didn't read it. I'll let you know.

I'll likely update this hub as other stuff infiltrates my mind! My son is extremely funny too, but he gets on my nerves, so his funny doesn't always count.


Lene Lynn 5 years ago

Girl, you are something else! I sure do miss you! hehehe!


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Hey Lene, just to let you know...I did already read Memorable Moments of funny.


Lene Lynn 5 years ago

Thanks for reading it. They were all way funnier in person, I swear! :) I hope you are doing well. :)


justateacher profile image

justateacher 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

Another great hub!


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Thanks justateacher...you are more than justateacher...you are the bomb-diggity!!!!


ktrapp profile image

ktrapp 5 years ago from Illinois

Well this gave me a good dosage of the much-needed laughter medicine (random thought #30)!


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 5 years ago from East Coast, United States

See, Miss Nancy could not really see me. She 'saw' me in her magic mirror because I sent her a (bed) picture. I hope not to disappoint, but it was not magic at all. She was fooling all those dear little children. But she didn't fool me. Ha HA!


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Well she got me "D", and I was mad for a looooong time...obviously! It's so good to hear from you!! Made my day!


Mike 4 years ago

I had a good time reading your hub. Really made me lol. http://www.micoequipment.com/

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