A Man Trapped Behind The Walls Of Society

It Was The Same Old Thing As Yesterday

 The early morning start was not unusual for this young man.Who had more burning desires than a handful of hot coals that glowed from the energy they give off and the underlying heat that they constantly and so willlingly share.Many people see a day as one of many in the treadmill of life.They don't change direction and speed they continue to follow the easy path they have taken.One that neither excites the mind or the soul.They will constantly struggle with the way life is and the way life is going but will do nothing to change it.This energetic soul reaches for the world even if the events that take place seem ordinary and far from extrodinary.The routines the bind us together are also seeds that can grow to the gigantic plants that are only seen in monster movies and sci-fi thrillers.The same ones that start out harmless and in time can become unbearable to watch as each day is now the impossible that breaks through all the laws that exsist and challanges our own exsistence. 

  I look away and see the rain that has fallen over night.Still small droplets left on the window panes of life that hold on to the only thing they know.To cling onto an empty space where life revolves in so many directions.As the cool air surrounds everything we see and gives us a chill that starts somewhere in the back of our minds and travel through our bodies like victims of the most hedious crimes.What can this wonderful day bring forth that will change life and all the people that live to try to understand the inner beings that are so quickly forgottten and disgurarded like an old carcass that is left empty after all the meat was so ravegisly cut out. 

 I thought I would give a try at writing a story with a little different approach to life.Could you please give me your opinion of what you think?Have a great day and may all your dreams grow from your hearts  to your souls.

Comments 6 comments

kookoo88 profile image

kookoo88 6 years ago from Cripple Creek

I like the imagery. I will say that there is too much imagery and not enough substance. I'd like to see details about the young man, where is he? in a train or at home or in a coffee shop? Mix in that he takes a drink of his coffee or some sort of real word action. It will help separate the images.

The other note is that in the first paragraph, the character is "the young man" in the second paragraph, the character is "I". Either one is fine, but the viewpoint needs consistancy. :)

Good luck. I'd like to see how it turns out.


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 6 years ago Author

Kookoo88 Thanks so much.I am off to try to make some corrections.I really appreciate the advice and I will try to incorporate both.Have a good day.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

My eye is accosted by too long or jammed-together sentences and way too few paragraph breaks. Some are just sentence fragments, as well - no verb serving as the predicate. It's a little like a poem with long lines jammed together. And it is a little like someone getting too close in when talking to me. I tend to want to pull away and back from it.

Don't give up on it though. Try jotting down the main parts in a brief outline before you plunge in to writing the story. Feel sure-footed about those main points and be sure before you even start that you know where it's headed- how it's to conclude.


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 6 years ago Author

Nellieanna Yes your right and It is hard to see it when you are in the heart of it.I will work on it and will slow down and work with my ideas.Thanks and I am one step closer than where I have begun.


Darlene Sabella profile image

Darlene Sabella 6 years ago from Hello, my name is Toast and Jam, I live in the forest with my dog named Sam ...

Each view point you give is important, nothing wrong it is perfect, it is a thought that can grow like that large plant that turns into a monster, we must understand how powerful our thoughts are. I am looking for a way to change my life, inside myself and do new adventures and have some fun. So just keep writing your thoughts even if you try a new direction, I love it. rate up, your friend and fan darski forever...and thank you


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 6 years ago Author

Darlene Sabella My thoughts seem so clear.I forget to explain what I see.I am so happy just to be experiencing the feelings.I think others feel the same way.I have to understand we all feel differently about the same thing.Life is an eye opener after one long night of drinking.You never know what your going to see.

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