A Poem- I Gave My Belief to a Habit
Finding my peace... Finding my reality...
My habit was my need- The need that never told me No...
I gave my belief to a habit,
One day, many years ago.
My habit was my need,
The need that never told me no.
It welcomed me with worth,
And a few moments of clarity,
Then I turned-and began to lose myself,
As I was then lost to reality.
I repeated this nasty habit,
While pretending to be alive,
Every day I pretended,
I moved further from my life.
Did I want to stop?
For a while- it never crossed my mind,
Until I looked into a mirror and noticed,
The girl behind the blinds.
She kind of looked like me,
Although I could not clearly see,
I couldn’t focus on her long enough,
To see if that girl was really me.
I never thought myself to be addicted,
Although I never thought much anyway,
I studied the way people acted,
And taught myself the best way to behave.
Chameleon if you will,
Meant to blend in with everyone else,
Until the day I fell from illusion,
And completely lost myself.
Pretend is the game,
A game I knew the rules to play.
Who really cares if I lost?
No one even knows my real name.
I gave my belief to a habit,
I wore it on my sleeve,
Until my habit took over my soul,
And my habit then wore me.
Lost in desperate times,
I had forgotten how to cry for help,
I suppose if I remembered how,
It would not have change the way I had felt.
It took a while to see past me,
It took a while to learn how to breathe,
I took a while to get back up,
And now-After a while,
I am finally okay with what once was.
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