A Poem- I Gave My Belief to a Habit

Finding my peace... Finding my reality...

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My habit was my need- The need that never told me No...

I gave my belief to a habit,

One day, many years ago.

My habit was my need,

The need that never told me no.


It welcomed me with worth,

And a few moments of clarity,

Then I turned-and began to lose myself,

As I was then lost to reality.


I repeated this nasty habit,

While pretending to be alive,

Every day I pretended,

I moved further from my life.


Did I want to stop?

For a while- it never crossed my mind,

Until I looked into a mirror and noticed,

The girl behind the blinds.


She kind of looked like me,

Although I could not clearly see,

I couldn’t focus on her long enough,

To see if that girl was really me.


I never thought myself to be addicted,

Although I never thought much anyway,

I studied the way people acted,

And taught myself the best way to behave.


Chameleon if you will,

Meant to blend in with everyone else,

Until the day I fell from illusion,

And completely lost myself.


Pretend is the game,

A game I knew the rules to play.

Who really cares if I lost?

No one even knows my real name.


I gave my belief to a habit,

I wore it on my sleeve,

Until my habit took over my soul,

And my habit then wore me.


Lost in desperate times,

I had forgotten how to cry for help,

I suppose if I remembered how,

It would not have change the way I had felt.


It took a while to see past me,

It took a while to learn how to breathe,

I took a while to get back up,

And now-After a while,

I am finally okay with what once was.


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Comments 43 comments

zach94 5 years ago

beautiful


Cutters profile image

Cutters 5 years ago from South Carolina

Very nice pictures Nice poem Good work!


jenubouka 5 years ago

Thank you for having the courage to write about truth, and in a wonderful poetic way


netracer87 5 years ago

Very touching.


satice_j profile image

satice_j 5 years ago from via the Bronx, NY

LOVED IT!


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I am glad you made it back. Nice portrait in words of where you have been and your re-emergance.


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

Wow I adored your words and WOW what fantastic pictures too!


writer20 profile image

writer20 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

Beautiful photos that I loved. I also loved your words great writing.


feenix profile image

feenix 5 years ago

Hello, H.C. Porter,

Thank you very much for writing and publishing this awesome work of art.

Because I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, and a longtime smoker, I really do identify with this post.

Once again, thank you very much. I needed to hear your message.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

zach94 - well thank you for commenting and reading. I am glad you liked the poem :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Cutters, thank you...for each of the compliments. I appreciate the feedback.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

jenubouka, thanks... these types of writings are without a doubt the times I hesitate, close my eyes and hold my breathe as I select the publish option, but i tell myself what is the use in living life and experiencing the good and the bad if others can not learn from us. I write for myself, but I also write for others, that is where the courage is. Thank you for your feedback, for reading and for commenting...


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

netracer87- thank you, very much! I appreciate you taking the time to read my work :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

satice_j- I am so glad! thanks for reading :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

mckbirdbks, well thank you! you are always such an encouragement and for that I am truly appreciative. thanks for reading and I am always pleased to hear when you like what I have demonstrated.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

acaetnna - thank you...I think it is so cool that I get compliments on my photos when I post new hubs... that is the ultimate reward, when people are not only reading my words, but also viewing original photographs. thank you for your support and feedback.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

writer20- Thank you so much! I appreciate all the feedback and am so happy I can write and post material that is read and liked by so many. I am happy you are among the writers here that respond.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

feenix- and that is exactly why I write and publish my work here. I am glad I could relay a message that gave you encouragement and helped you know that there are many of us who have struggled and fought and are still alive to leave our mark. Thanks for your feedback and for reading...


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 5 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

This such a great poem! Saw it on FB and wanted to check it out! Cheers! :)


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 5 years ago from USA or America

Hey Holly, I know exactly what you're conveying and you did a very nice job on wording it. We've talked in the past about this and I can understand every thought, feeling and word you use to describe the situation you were in at that time. I certainly hope you're doing well with that and the battle is on going that's for sure. One day you'll look back and realize you're more powerful than you ever thought possible. Peace and Love my friend. :) Great poem! :) Voted up. :) As always, a pleasure. :)


poeticmentor profile image

poeticmentor 5 years ago from New York City

powerful write poet. You now have gained new follower. Blessings thru your ink! Please come by to visit a fellow poet sometime. Awesome ink. 1


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Cheeky Girl- Thank you so much! Glad to have you stop by, and I am glad I could hold your attention enough to earn a comment :) Thanks :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Cagsil- Wow... thanks! I saw your link to my hub on Facebook and I truly appreciate the support and the traffic you sent this way :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

poeticmentor, Thank you for your comment and I did in fact go over to your profile and take a look. I too have decided to follow someone new. Hope you are enjoying Hub Pages, we are happy to have you here :)


Cresentmoon2007 profile image

Cresentmoon2007 5 years ago from Caledonia, MI

Wonderful. Powerful. Heartfelt. Thank you for posting. Voted up.


Emma Zimmer profile image

Emma Zimmer 5 years ago from USA

beautiful. I love the pictures, but 'tis the poem i enjoy more. You should take a look at mine, and see if you enjoy any of them. :D

~Emmy Zimmer


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Cresentmoon2007

Thank you for your comment, I am glad you think so, Thanks so much for reading and giving feedback :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Emma Zimmer, Thanks for your comment. Glad you enjoyed the poem and the pictures. Thanks for taking the time to read my work, and I have and will continue to read and comment on your work :)


Emma Zimmer profile image

Emma Zimmer 5 years ago from USA

Cool


sika25 profile image

sika25 5 years ago from Latvia

very beautiful. and pictures simply fantastic.


michael ely profile image

michael ely 5 years ago from Scotland

Really good poem H.C So powerful. Downward spiral ending with hope. Glad you shared this.

Michael.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

sika25

Thanks for commenting and for the compliments. I am glad that you enjoyed the poem :) Thanks for stopping by


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

michael ely,

Always need something positive to look forward to right? I always try to include that realization in my work...What's the point of the hard times if you cant see the good times that are yet to come :) Thanks for commenting sir :)


~ wndmn ~ 5 years ago

I once walked a road, not far from where you were, neither of us knew, neither of us cared, yet I'm glad to see you where you are, :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

~ wndmn

Thanks for the comment- we all must walk our paths to get to where our destination is...Mine was a little off course with many bumps along the way, but I have learned from every ounce of life i have lived.


jessica.written. profile image

jessica.written. 4 years ago from Flagstaff, Arizona

I gave my belief to a habit,

I wore it on my sleeve,

Until my habit took over my soul,

And my habit then wore me.

THAT stanza. that stanza is sublime. although all were great that one stuck out the most to me. it showed the submission to the addiction which i feel is the thing most overlooked. that was awesome. keep it up.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Thank you Jessica.written. I appreciate the comment and the appreciation for the words. That is probably my favorite verse as well- hence the reasoning why the title is; I gave my belief to a habit... I think that many people misunderstand addiction (even the addicts misunderstand addiction and what has happened to them) I spent a long time searching and a long time looking at myself to fully understand the desperation and loss that I felt at that time. It was like one day I realized I was no longer me. I didn't like the realization-and so the story goes...I am now here and I am doing pretty good :)


iamaudraleigh 4 years ago

I think this is one of the best poems I have ever read!!! I like how you told your story and incorporated beautiful pictures of a peaceful place with the darkness of your habit. Extraordinary job...voted up!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

iamaudraleigh, thank you man'am, I appreciate that so much! The story I tell wasn't worth surviving if it can not help others...this is why I speak.


rahul0324 profile image

rahul0324 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

When you share truth with sentiments laced with poetry.. You release a shrapnel from your soul... It gives a sigh of relief and breathes in life as you do it..

I see the same being done here,..

Beautiful


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Amazing poem, and I felt it came straight from the heart. Addiction of any kind is a type of prison, we know we hold the key, but sometimes we just can't place it in the lock. Wonderful, and your photos were amazing, cheers nell


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

rahul0324-thanks for stopping by... I agree with what you have said... My story is not one in a million, but rather one of a million, but I still share it in hopes that perhaps someone else can gain understanding, strength and perhaps hope from it. Thank you again for stopping by to read my poem and leave a comment- I am glad that you liked it :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Nell, I think a very significant aspect of addiction is the fear of the unknown. Being an addict is apart of who I am, but I had to realize it is not all of who I am. I have grown, become stronger, and perhaps wiser due to some of my ill choices- but I am okay. I wake up, I breath, and I write to remind myself of where I have been, and come from- as well as to possibly help another whom may be struggling and suffering just like I did for so long. Thank you so much for your comment- I am glad that you enjoyed the post!

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