A Poem- The way the payment hurts

Dark Skies Do Not Have to Last

The sun will and can break through to shine light down on you again.
The sun will and can break through to shine light down on you again. | Source

If it hurts now-It will hurt later too.

As long as you can fight-keep fighting for yourself.
As long as you can fight-keep fighting for yourself. | Source

She does not recognize a single thing she has

So she cries-

She cries to me

She never looks up-

As her fingers begin to bleed.


She never looks back-

She never let go.

She never gave herself a chance,

To listen to what she needed to know.


She sinks in as she looks around,

She doesn’t recognize a single thing she has.

She believes that all these years-have been a waste,

And she doesn’t know how, or when, or a way to change.


She screams out loud.

It takes everything she has.

She wants the pain,

To take her away.


Source

A lie built around a life she has created to hide.


She closes her eyes.

She has become her lies.

A lie built around a life she has created to hide.


Her illusion was a safe place,

but no place for her to live her life,

the longer she stayed the more within her died.


She mislaid her trust,

in people who never cared.

They made her feel special,

before they left her dying there.


To take a moment and believe she was real,

Was nothing she was taught she deserved she could ever begin to feel.

Love happens as love ends, and it is not worth it,

when life is built on what it is you pretend.


She has disappointed herself and sinks into her tears


Is it too late,

For her to escape?

To return to her soul-

To understand what she hates.


The dream she made that turned to hell,

she gave back the dreams that she thought she held.

The moments and memories are still not clear.

She has disappointed herself and sinks into her tears.


Fall to her knees!

Is there a God?

Is there something bigger than me,

to show me a meaning for this all?


Show yourself-

Show me myself.

If you have the control,

then please help me save what I have left.


Hold on and let it all go...for you and no one else,

One Life and One Chance for Happiness- Do not give up your happiness.
One Life and One Chance for Happiness- Do not give up your happiness. | Source

Within the beat- She feels something that is not as dark


She listens closely,

There is no reply,

She laughs at herself for believing she would discover;

a life out from under her disguise.


She hears no one else.

Only the sound within her breath.

She closes her eyes- she hears her heart.

And within the beat- she feels something that is not as dark.


The calm she finds,

a second within peace,

A second she forgives herself,

As she begins to bleed.


I paid the price it costs

to be the last one standing...
to be the last one standing... | Source

It is like you are always standing on the edge

trying not to slip before you jump
trying not to slip before you jump | Source

I have felt the way the payment hurts


I felt the pain, I have apologized.

Every word spoken-

Is a better reason to fight to survive.


Stirring inside she once again begins to cry,

Because she is still lost and she no longer wants to hide.


She looks around

She thinks, “I have forgotten myself”.

I am no longer me-

There is nothing within my truth that I want to believe.


All this hurt-

All this life-

All this time –

I have spent feeling empty inside.


This is not fair, I paid my dues,

for what I am still not sure,

but I am sure I have paid;

because I have felt the way that the payment hurt.

Source

It will always hurt- Just worse

More by this Author


Comments 36 comments

Ghaelach 4 years ago

Morning HC.

A very sad poem of someone being disillusioned. Not knowing why. Why every thing seems to be against her. She has paid her dues, but still she has to fight to survive.

An awesome poem.

UP/A/B/I

Take care and have a nice day.

LOL Ghaelach


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Ghaelach, thanks for being the lone commentor on this hub... i guess with all the poets writing their hearts out, we can not expect the same views on each one we publish. I am glad you liked the prose of this poem- thanks for the rates up...


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 4 years ago

Nicely done and you may be correct about all the poets like yourself being busy writing their hearts out. I will share this on FB and Tweet it, be back to read and comment. Sharing it should bring some comments quickly, you deserve them, excellent scribe.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Beautiful poem. I can relate to her feelings. That's a low place to be. Well done!


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland

This was so beautiful to read - I wasnt ready for it to end! I felt like I was living the sadness with the character in the poem...so vivid.


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

A very heartfelt poem with much depth. Questioning so many things in ones life, wondering if the past will no longer matter..learning to let go..taking two steps a head and one back..yearning for happier days..Very descriptive and I could feel the pain...Praying this person has learned to let go and move on..more simply said but not always easy to do..

Love,

Sunnie


tnderhrt23 profile image

tnderhrt23 4 years ago

Very intense and deeply moving poem, one I could relate to, too well. Powerful writing! Thank you. Saddlerider for sharing it on FB!


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

Your poems have epic quality. I loved your intense emotions and passions.


Frannie Dee profile image

Frannie Dee 4 years ago from Chicago Northwest Suburb

Cutting seems to be a popular coping method with youth today. I never quite understood this until I read your poem. Thank you for your insight to the feelings before during and after such a deed. Awesome!


cherylone profile image

cherylone 4 years ago from Connecticut

This is a beautiful poem. I have been there and I could see and feel exactly what you were saying.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain

This was so well written on such an emotional level. My jaw dropped. Beautiful, eve if sad.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

saddlerider1 - wow...thanks for the facebook drop! I appreciate it... and it appears that it has worked, looks like many people found this poem from your post. There are many great poets on Hub Pages, I am surprised I get as many views as I do-and I am glad that so may are coming out just so they can participate in the contest...more poetry means more readers to the site-which is a great thing for all who write here. Thanks again for your post and for the comment :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Victoria Lynn , Thank you for the comment. I think that everyone, at some place and time has felt desperate and lost, just as the character in the poem does...I also dont think it is a bad thing, because we learn how to get back up and live after we rise above the situations we experience that we believe will break us. Thanks again for the comment :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Ardie - Thank you for stopping in, reading and commenting on the poem. I appreciate the feedback immensely. I am glad that my attempt to relay the sadness and desperation was felt- as that was what a good writers wants to achieve, right?


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Sunnie Day, thank for your in-depth response to the poem. Pain and Confusion are each very character building feelings, because once we heal and recover from the experiences- we are stronger and more able to appreciate the happiness that life brings...I have a feeling that this character is feeling better and is experiencing a more fulfilling existence without so much pain :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

tnderhrt23, Thank you! I have also thanked Saddlerider for linking to this poem, for I believe his post helped the views, being that there are so many great poems reaching hub-pages this month. Thank you for taking the time to read mine :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Vinaya Ghimire- I appreciate you saying so and for the encouragement. Thank you for taking the time to read this one :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Frannie Dee - thank you for commenting, I am glad you were able to draw out some depth and meaning to what you read here, and I appreciate you leaving such feedback for me.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

cherylone, I am sorry you have been there, but glad that you could read a poem of mine that you were able to relate to. Thanks for the comment! Hope you are doing well and are in a happier place now a days


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Dim Flaxenwick- THANK YOU! it is always a great thing to read when someone says the phrase "Well Written", as I am always attempting to push my skill and develop the way I relay messages. Thanks for reading and for commenting- it is all very appreciated!


Danmama2 4 years ago

Ilike this Music and iwant to know the name of singer thank you.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

danmama- I am not sure what you are talking about. this poem did not have a music video embedded in it. are you sure you commented on the correct hub?


htodd profile image

htodd 4 years ago from United States

Great post..Thanks


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

i really like the line "she has become her lies"


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

htodd-thank you and thank your for leaving your comment after you took the time to read, your support is appreciated.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

PDXKaraokeGuy, thank you- i try to write in a way that gives true meaning to each line written, but can also be relate-able and appealing to someone else who is feeling and working through their own struggles. than you for commenting, i truly appreciate it.


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

you're welcome H.C. I try to do the same!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

that is very reassuring that I am not alone in my methods :)


SusieQ42 profile image

SusieQ42 4 years ago from Lakeland, FL

Awesome poem! This has so much truth to it. Thanks for sharing.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

SusieQ42...Thanks for the comment- I am happy to share, especially when I receive such great response and feedback :)


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

oh no. one is never alone!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

PDXKaraokeGuy- Thank you :)


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

you're welcome, H.C. Been reading your blog, too. very enjoyable


faith_love_hope32 profile image

faith_love_hope32 4 years ago

Your poem is not just beautiful and awesome....it is amazing. I could really relate to the words and the pain. I also love all of the pictures...I love nature. And I love the way that you or the character in the poem don't give up. You keep fighting. I have the same attitude in life, no matter how deep my pain. I hold my head high and don't give up. You are awesome :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

faith_love_hope32 - first off... love the chosen screen name! second thank you so much for the comment, it was truly an amazing comment to read. I am glad that you enjoyed it and found that you could relate. life for me is a constant struggle. I struggle to understand myself and understand all the why's in my life. My poetry writing is how I figure things out and express myself in the best way that i know how- so i truly do appreciate your comment


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

:) Thank you!

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