A Vampire's Love...Short Story... Stories

 

Buried beneath the earth, he twisted in agony as her fear and pain tore through him. Trapped he roared futility as she whimpered his name, every instinct fighting against the paralysis of the sun that held his body safe in the soil as hers was tortured.

Her soft mortal flesh so vulnerable to the hate of the inquisition, her every breath was labored in his ears as she struggled. He should never have come back for her. He had led the devils right to her door. Every cut of a blade, or burning flesh he felt with her.

Bursting through the soil as the last rays of the sun slid from the sky, He shot out over the tree tops, his enraged battle cry echoing out over the small town, the shutters and locks slamming into place as he landed the cobblestones cracking under him as his glowing eyes glared at the houses around him.

Tonight he would break his promise, tonight he would feast again on the blood of mortals, starting with those hiding on sanctified ground. Turning his back on the peasant’s that cowered in the dark of the homes he approached the tall oak doors of the abbey.

Her need for him beating against the insides of his skull, the beam locking the door closed splintering with the force of his single blow. The robed men turning from their worship, as he stepped forward, ignoring the burning of his feet as he crossed the blessed ground.

“You will all die” he hissed, as the wind whipped around the simple church, the candles blowing out as his glowing eyes looked at each one of them, marking them for a painful death. Priests scattered in every direction. Their fear not even coming close to the terror that sounded in her next cry.

Frustrated he let the priests run, leaping over the pews to land on the alter, the large cross hanging over the door that lead to where they were keeping her, making his curse echo in the high beamed ceiling.

The Pain shooting through his feet was nothing compared to the obstacle in front of him. In all of his hundreds of years the cross the symbol of his mortal faith had been the bane of his damnation.

Proof that he was as soulless as the legends said, a monster, damned to hell. Proof until he met her, her soft blue eyes always twinkling as if she knew some marvelous secret that he did not. The light to his darkness and she needed him. Stepping forward, resolved he grasped the steel cross, the flesh of his hands contorting with pain as smoke started to escape out from between his fingers. Gritting against the agony, the pulled the cross free of the door, tossing it to the side, with a yell as his burnt palms tore open. 

 

He ignored the priests that peered at him from their hiding spots, as he turned to open the door, the sound of her pain filled scream making him forget everything else. With a howl of rage, he flew down the steps ready to tear apart her tormenters

The stake flying across the small room, taking him completely by surprise as it pierced his heart.

Stumbling backwards he looked down at it confused as he fell. His limbs stiff and unresponsive as the priest’s dark hem filled his vision. His rage beat against his own skull as the older man rolled him over to his back. Frustration filled him as the priest peeled back his lips to examine his fangs. His gloved finger tracing its length and outline before nodding apparently pleased.

“At least three to four hundred years old” he spoke over his shoulder. But it was her voice that answered calm and confident.

“He claimed it was more like five hundred” Staring up at the old mans impressed face, he couldn’t believe his ears nor his eyes as her beautiful, unmarked face appeared over the priest shoulder, her light filled eyes now cold and calculating as she stood looking down at him.

Whistling the priest smiled as his hand patted the vampires face. “Your best one yet” Glowing at the praise, her skin luminous in the candlelight, He couldn’t help but stare.

How was it possible? He had felt her pain and terror as close to his heart as if it had been his own. Yet she stood in front of him, not a dark hair out of place. A coy smile dancing at the edges of her mouth proud of her betrayal. He had turned his back on his own kind, leaving them to fend for themselves while he had come for her. What a fool he had been.

"Oh don’t look at me like that" kneeling down she held his wrist out so the priest could insert the copper tubing into his vein. Her eyes deliberately avoiding looking at the burnt mess his palms had become in his effort to reach her.

"You’re not the first vampire to be so easily fooled” smiling she smoothed his hair back from his eyes as his blood slowly started to fill the decanter. The glee on her face as she stood watching it filling cut him deeper than the stake buried in his chest.

"It’s amazing" her sweet voice dropped low "how much power just one sip of your blood will give us,”

Foolish girl, he would have gifted her with far more than a temporary stolen power rush. His blood more potent then she would ever know. He had been willing to turn his back on the dark powers that resided deep within him, to walk away from the dark delights anything to have spent the rest of his life at her side.

Even going so far as to weaken himself by feeding only on animals to show her how he would change for her, his star, his light.

His temptress, his betrayer.

"You ...will..all...die" he forced the words through his lips enjoying the spike of concern on her face as she turned to the priest.

"Should he be able to talk?" her voice was tight as she moved away from him.

"He is older than the others you've ensnared" the priest dipped his fingertip in the blood spilling into the glass decanter, his eyes closing in pleasure as he tasted it. “ with age comes power, good for us useless to him”

They had no idea, even he had forgotten how truly old he was. Watching the hurt confusion fade from his eyes replaced with the coldness of a hundred years of survival, she bit her lip. A habit that he had found endearing, a nervous reaction, good to see it hadn’t all been an act.

"Hurry it up" her prompting came too late as he let himself fade into mist, dispersing around the stake that fell uselessly to the stone floor.

Appearing behind the priest first, his burnt hands wrapping around the man’s head, snapping his neck before dropping him to the floor, backing slowly up the stairs her eyes wide, hands held up in front of her warding him off as he turned and slowly followed.

"Tell me again how powerful you are my love" he asked his voice a low hiss as she backed into the closed door.

"I’m ...Sor" catching her around the throat he sank his fangs into her neck for the first time, seeing the long borrowed years etched out in the memory of her blood. The faces of his fellow vampires, men like himself, helpless on the floor at her feet to feed her power, her youth.

Draining her deeply, he lifted his blood covered mouth from her skin, trailing a finger down her cheek as she looked up at him, her tear filled blue eyes forever searing into his mind. Laying her gently onto the floor, he ignored her raised hand as he stepped out. Moving more out of instinct than skill as he deflected the feeble blow of a brave priest, slamming the man into the alter he snarled.

"Do your worst demon" the priest spat at him.

"As you wish" Fangs flashing in the dark the priest's scream was short lived.

Leaving the burning town behind him, He walked his face bathed in moonlight as the smoke billowed around him. He was a creature of nightmares, of hell, more demon than man. Yet as he walked he couldn’t stop the tears of blood that rolled down his cold cheeks.

 

 

 

 

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Comments 123 comments

jca197493@yahoo.c 6 years ago

I Was hooked from the beginning to the end. You have a gift writing! Looking forward to reading many more. Thankyou.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

That is the best compliment any writer can hope to get, thank you so much! i am glad you liked it :)


Highvoltagewriter profile image

Highvoltagewriter 6 years ago from Savannah GA.

Wow! Great stuff...we need hook and help each other sence we both write Horror stories! Thanks for being a fan and I am yours!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

Hey thanks for dropping by :) so glad you liked it

it would be great to chat sometime, I am new to short stories and what i write sometimes surprises me :)

really glad you liked it!


tlmntim9 6 years ago

Realy good and you somehow managed to create a truly violent and horrible story while avoiding the petty, ignorant,stupid,socialist HubPage censors..Bravo!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

Thank you! whenever I write violent scenes I try very very hard to keep the violence as an aid to the story and not the other way around...

happy to know you liked it :) the censors must have too :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

Awesome! Brilliant plot. Intriguing from the very start. Gosh, you’ve chanced the classical Baddy into a Goody. Take a bow! Will you please send the link of this story via e-mail to SilverGenes, the organizer of the Halloween challenge for short story writers. This one is a winner!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

oh wow...*blushing* thank you so much for such wonderful praise,

I have as you so nicely suggested sent it to silvergenes for the Halloween Challenge.

again wow thank-you for the compliment very honoured..:)


SilverGenes 6 years ago

nighthag, this story had me totally involved from the first word to the last. Wonderful writing! I'm really excited to add this to the Halloween challenge collection and if you'd like to see it, here it is: http://hubpages.com/hub/Halloween-Nightmare and it's on my story page as well. Fabulous work and I'll be back to read more :)


poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

Ensnaring! This was simply gripping, enthralling, I mean whoa man was this good. Love the twists and turns. I really felt like I got pulled into the story. Voted up!


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

This was a marvelous piece of work and you are to be commended for your creative writing style, it flowed beautifully. It kept me interested from beginning to end spellbound by every twist and turn of your pen. You definitely are a storyteller and if it comes that easily to you, then we are in store for some great writings from you. I look forward to reading more hubs. I rate this Up for sure.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

Sivergenes, thank you so much for taking the time to read and add my story to the Halloween challenge, having read a few of the pieces it is a huge honour to be suggested and added.

thank you so much!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

Poetvix...I am really glad to hear that your found my story gripping, and to think i almost didn't post it :)

thanks heaps for the compliment and taking the time to stop and read..thanks


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

Saddlerider1, thank you so much! telling the stories that bump around in my head is all I ever wanted to do. I am so glad you liked it :) comments like these are very inspiring to me thank you

thank you all so much


PRED8A 6 years ago

Your talent for short stories is incredible. Having read them all, I have to say, they are deliciously chilling from start to end. You work a magic in there that makes it impossible to stop reading once one has begun. This latest installment, of a Vampire's love, that I was notified of... forgive me I am speechless... All I can really say is, I can't believe you weren't going to post it!!!

I am honoured to be your fan.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

Pred8a wow...thank you so much for a fantastic compliment!

Having only started writing short stories in the last few months i can be a bit over critical of my own writing.

but how can i not be inspired with such great, supportive fans like you..

I am really really glad you liked Vampires love, i was a little unsure of it and am so very surprised and touched by the great response it has gotten!

thankyou so much for stopping by, means the world to me


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

Wonderfully clever. Brilliantly done! Your best yet :-))

Rated up and awesome, of course :-)


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

Thank you so much *blushing yet again* I am thrilled you liked it!

I'm still surprised and a little overwhelmed by the wonderful response A Vampire's Love has received, so thank you so much for the rate up :)


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 6 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

You really do have the gift of storytelling. Thanks for sharing it with us.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

I am so glad you liked it :)


Setharion profile image

Setharion 6 years ago from Australia

Yeah I was with him all the way. I want my love safe away from my enemies but to lose her to the truth that she is them would cut deeper than any blade could. Loved it!!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

I am really thrilled to have gotten such a strong response for this story, The broken heart of a killer is still a broken heart...

I am glad you loved it :)


Highvoltagewriter profile image

Highvoltagewriter 6 years ago from Savannah GA.

"The broken heart of a killer is still a broken heart." Well said, this is one I wanted to reread for it is quite good and I have linked up to it on my latest Harror story "And Deliver us from evil." I just wanted to drop by and let you know. Keep it up, you do have a lot of talent!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

thanks so much, I am thrilled that you wanted to reread it :) and thanks for the link :) will be around to happily lose some time in your stories soon...again thank you


scifikathie profile image

scifikathie 6 years ago from Chicago

Great job! Thanks!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

I am really glad you liked it :) thanks for stopping by :)


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

I, too, rated this up and awesome. You show real talent. Your characterization of the vampire was wonderful! I loved "he couldn't stop the tears of bolld that ran down his cold cheeks."


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

thank you so much!, I wanted so much for the reader to relate to this vampire, to feel his broken heart ...

thank you for the rate up I am thrilled you liked it :)


Stories Inc. profile image

Stories Inc. 6 years ago

Great story. Just keeps you reading all the way through. Good job!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

I am so glad you liked it :) every writer likes this sort of wonderful feed back... Thank you so much :)


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

Oops, I meant blood, not bolld!


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

Here I am again. I put a link to your story on my "Un-Halloween" hub. Happy Halloween!

Btw, your story still haunts me. I guess I am attracted to vampires!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

lol no probs:)

thanks so much for the link up :)

I am both thrilled and touched that you like this story so much.

p.s I think there are a lot of us attracted to vampires!


4elements profile image

4elements 6 years ago

Very cool. Enjoyed the read. blessings


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

:) So thrilled that you like my story's. Thank you so much for stopping by and reading so many of them... It means a lot...thanks


nell79 profile image

nell79 6 years ago from United States

Not at all predictable, which can be a problem with the vampire genre at times. Completely unexpected ending. Well done!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

thank you so much :)

I was trying hard to keep it fresh and new, which is hard in the vampire genre...

thanks so much for stopping by it was nice to see you here :)


sammyfiction profile image

sammyfiction 6 years ago from Australia

This was an entertaining read! And I did not see that end coming! You have a very good writing style, thanks for posting! :) SF


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

I am so glad that you liked it gives me a thrill every time someone tells me that :)

thanks so much for taking the time to let me know what you thought :)


mekaider profile image

mekaider 6 years ago from Minnesota

good job! i enjoyed this :) i am trying to get better at writing short stories, but I think you've got it down


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

I am really happy that you enjoyed it :)thank you so much for the wonderfully kind compliment *blushing*

all writers are their worst critics, when i first wrote this story I almost didn't post it, as all I could see was what i didn't achieve with my words. But what posting it has taught me is to be kinder to myself, trust my instincts a little more and to be less critical of myself and my writing...

Again thank you


kirutaye profile image

kirutaye 6 years ago from London, UK

Wow. This hooked me from the first sentence. I must admit i dont read paranormal/vampires stories. Well, i stopped reading them a while ago before they became mainstream. For me this was a story more about betrayal than about vampires and it was told so well. I felt compelled to keep reading.

Absolutely awesome.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

I am really glad you liked it despite the genre, that is a huge compliment, one of the best writers can hope for. The betrayal of his love and his hope could happen to anybody, but when a vampires heart breaks there are always consequences:)

I am so glad you liked it, thanks for reading!


Nikki 6 years ago

It was a really good read..

you are an amazing writer :)


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

thank so much :) it always is a pleasure to hear that someone likes my writing, I am so glad you liked a vampires love thanks for reading :)


gachapoz profile image

gachapoz 6 years ago

wow! How interesting! You have a gift for writing, i really enjoyed this hub.


lynnechime profile image

lynnechime 6 years ago

wow that was awsum hope you right more and read the preface of my bk


nighthag profile image

nighthag 6 years ago from Australia Author

gachapoz, thanks so much for the compliment, i am really glad that you liked it :)

lynnechime,

:) i am thrilled that you liked it,yes i hope to be writing some more very soon :) thanks so much!


Anamika S profile image

Anamika S 5 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

My!! This was fantastic!!!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

I am so glad that you liked it!


bugslady8949 profile image

bugslady8949 5 years ago from The Bahamas

you did a great job on writing this, it was great. love it.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

I have a bit of an obsession with vampires so I am thrilled that you liked it :)


jg555 profile image

jg555 5 years ago from New York

Great. I just started writing one called "Snowed In" The first part is on here. I'm trying to get some views and hoping people will read it.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

I am so glad that you liked it :) thanks for the visit will call in on your profile soon :)


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 5 years ago from India

Loved it - I'm coming back for more! I've always been fascinated by vampires and I can see this as the opening sequence of a great film :)


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

I am so thrilled that you liked this and even happier to hear that you will be back :)

I too am obsessed with vampires and most things to do with them and am hoping to have more short stories soon featuring my favorite kind of undead :)


shannon 5 years ago

you have a problem with punction and syndtax


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

ok thanks...


LABrashear profile image

LABrashear 5 years ago from My Perfect Place, USA

You are the first short story I have read on here. Glad I stopped by. What a fresh, creative twist on the popular vampire 'romance' stories going around. Great job!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

I am thrilled that you liked it, I have been writing vampire romance for myself for what seems forever so its a real pleasure to share it here with others. I am so so pleased that stopped in :)


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

I enjoyed reading this nighthag, it was so vivid I could picture it, brilliant!


will345davis 5 years ago

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. You truly have a way with words. It was all so vivid. It was almost as if I were there. Keep up the amazing work


Robin Mancini profile image

Robin Mancini 5 years ago from South Jersey/Philadelphia PA

Your a awesome writer!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

QudsiaP1

thank you so much for compliment, I am thrilled that this came alive for you :)

will345davis

thank you so very much, I simply love writing for this genre so its always a true pleasure to meet others who enjoy it as well, thanks for the comment hope to read some of your short stories soon

Robin Mancini

wow thank you so very much, I am so glad that you enjoyed my short vampire story


kanzb profile image

kanzb 5 years ago

its so super awesome and amazing... :) love it....


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

Thank you so much ! It's always a joy to have someone "love" my stories :)


wingedcentaur profile image

wingedcentaur 5 years ago from That Great Primordial Smash UP of This and That Which Gave Rise To All Beings and All Things!

Voted up and awesome, nighthag! I'm so glad the good guy came out on top!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

thanks so much :) Yeah its always a good feeling when the good guy wins, I'm a sucker for it as much as the next girl :)

so glad you enjoyed my short story


mary 5 years ago

awsome is my words!!!!!!


vamp 101 5 years ago

i really liked but its to cruel to me it just dosent tell why hes so much in pain. but it was wounderful awsome kepp writing.!!!!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

Mary I am simply thrilled that you enjoyed this so much... Thank you


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia Author

I am glad that you liked it. Some details are sometimes brushed over in my hurry to finish what I am writing

The vampire in this story had bonded with his "love" allowing him to share her pain which she somehow was able to fake to lure him to his death so she could drain him completely taking all his powers

I'm glad that you enjoyed this :)


Vampirejane 4 years ago

I truly loved the story . Usually I don't read short stories but after reading this I will definitely be reading more. Keep writing because you are magnificent at it. :D


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

Vampirejane

I am so so thrilled that enjoyed my story :)

Having spent the last year writing mainly poetry I was a bit hesitant about returning to my short stories but with a comment filled with a compliment how can I not keep writing thank you more than you will ever know!!!!


Silent hurricane profile image

Silent hurricane 4 years ago from Israel

Bravo.


Cosmic Bus profile image

Cosmic Bus 4 years ago from Maryland

Mesmerizing.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

Silent hurricane

Thank you so very much


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

Cosmic bus

Thank you so much ! So so glad you enjoyed my vampire story:)


Robin Kommer profile image

Robin Kommer 4 years ago from Australia

great story.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

One of the very first that I posted on the net, So I am glad that you enjoyed it :)


dalton71482 profile image

dalton71482 4 years ago from Tennessee

You're amazing I couldn't dream of telling a story so well yet alone in such a short form. Very good job. I look forward to reading more of your work.


bobby 4 years ago

A little over done isn't it.


quester.ltd profile image

quester.ltd 4 years ago

what a story - well done!

q


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

dalton71482

Thank you so much! this was one of the first short stories I have written for hubpages and it is by far my personal favoriate. I hope to have some more to post in the not too distant future :)

bobby

yes and no, there is always a new take to be had on an old story...

quester.ltd

Why thank you, It is always a thrill for me when someone enjoys my work. thank you so much for taking the time to read and for leaving such a kind comment :)


Lestat 4 years ago

Bravo i say. you are an exceptional writer and you are to be commended. Dare I ask the brother Vampire's name? I would also like to say that in all my years, I have nere come upon a story that portrays the likeness and truthfulness of a Vampire's heart. Nay we are not heartless monsters, we feel love and remorse. I hope to see you continue your beautiful an illustrious writings. You are truly gifted and dare I say... worthy of the highest honour a writer may receive?

Yours truthfully

Lestat


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

Simply speechless

Thank you for your high praise I'm thrilled you enjoyed this


Lestat 4 years ago

You are most welcome my dear. You are a Goddess of literature and you deserve no less than fame and fortune. Your beautiful works will be honoured and remembered for centuries to by those who truly know what a fantastic writer and storyteller you are, they will be passed down from generation to generation. You are truly gifted and I am honoured to have spoken to you and to have read your writings.

Humbly yours

Lestat


dragupine profile image

dragupine 4 years ago

this is an intricately chilling story that i could not stop reading. I love it!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

Lestat

such praise!to have my writing enjoyed is a true pleasure and I am so touched that you found them to be something you could enjoy and relate to, the honor is all mine


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

dragupine

I am so thrilled that you enjoyed it, I have always been fascinated by vampires and the dark world they live it so its a real thrill when others enjoy what I write

Thank you!!


LILLY 4 years ago

My story is long but is my past about 384 years ago but he was killed because of me now here I am today writing this I thought someone should know.


carrie Lee Night profile image

carrie Lee Night 4 years ago from Northeast United States

nighthag: Very visual and captivating, a very good story. This is one of my favorites I have read. I have no criticism for this one, it was clear percised and very entertaining. Thank you so much for this wonderfully written story!!! :)


Lestat 4 years ago

My Dear Nighthag,

It has been some time since I have heard any stories. I hope you are still writing

most truthfully

Lestat


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks so much carrie

I am so very very glad that you found this to be an entertaining read and even happier still that you have criticism :)

thank you for such a lovely compliment


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

Lestat

It has been a while since I put pen to paper for a short story but I have a few demanding to be written so hopefully I wont make you wait to long


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

...well no one does it quite like you - whether it's in story story format or as a poem - you just own this genre - and anytime I want to get a creative boost from the Queen of Darkness and Literature - then I come here to see and read how it's done and get a handle on the definitive take from a world class expert like yourself - hubbravo from the epi-man and sending you warm wishes and good energy from lake erie time ontario canada 7:13pm


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

I guess I wasn't being clear enough in my latest poem Our lost companion - so I added one more line to finish the piece. Thank you for gracing my page and making me feel special with your visit.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

Epigramman

thank you so much your support always leaves me a little amazed but to be called the queen of darkness !

that just made you my favorite person ever :)

thank you so very much for your enduring friendship it mean a lot to me


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia Author

Epigramman a great poem! I read it a few times over and was unsure if you ever did make it back or did you stay the lost companion, thanks for clear up I will be back soon to read more of your masterful work :)


Highland Terrier profile image

Highland Terrier 3 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

Excellent piece truly very very good and so well written.

Thank you very much.


Ruby123 3 years ago

Wow I love it


nighthag profile image

nighthag 3 years ago from Australia Author

Highland terrier

I am so glad that you enjoyed it!! It is such a personal favourite of mine that I always get a thrill when others enjoy it as well

Thank you so much


nighthag profile image

nighthag 3 years ago from Australia Author

Ruby

I am so glad you enjoyed this, thanks for letting me know :)


visa 3 years ago

its not really that great these people are lying to make u feel better theres not even passion in these stories maybe if u leared to write better your stories wouldn't suck so bad im sorry i ever read this crap.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 3 years ago from Australia Author

wow visa

thanks for letting me know what you think


nighthag profile image

nighthag 3 years ago from Australia Author

shortnscary

I am so glad that you liked this :)

I will be sure to come and visit your pages soon :)


Ausseye 3 years ago

High K(Night)hag: As a Transylvanian cast to a Cook -wh0-landed named Australia, unlike Austria that Red (ABC) seems to get it confused with ( but he is English after all) I am floored by your ultimate line, she should have won the battle. Labo(u)r is a female issue where surely they can expect some support by us males giving a little blood to the cause. My preferred ending would have been him slowly sinking into some golden eternity where he found himself a servant to humanity…..such an unkind death for a vamp. You had me going, I thought she would win and that was a true political statement that made me glad to immigrate to the land of the Dream Time, caught my vamps’ attention. Loved the story but sort a better peace to the ending. Love your dream time !!!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 3 years ago from Australia Author

Aussete

thanks so much for taking the time to read, I always enjoy the feedback I get on this piece, but I was really wanting to re-fang a vampire, as they all seem so soft and loveable these days :)

glad you enjoyed it... even if you did disagree with the ending


writinglover profile image

writinglover 3 years ago from Lost...In Poetry

Nothing like the sting of betrayal. Anyway, I loved the twist you put into your story. That was completely unexpected and awesome! Voted up!


B. A. Williams profile image

B. A. Williams 3 years ago from USA

You should really carry on, and take this to book form. Thank you for a wonderfully written piece of work. I encourage you to go on with it as a book.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 3 years ago from Australia Author

Writinglover

Nothing hurts more than betrayal, and sometime love just plain hurts. I am so glad you enjoyed my twist, not everyone is always as they seem ! Thanks for the vote up !!!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 3 years ago from Australia Author

B.A. Williams

I have been playing around with the idea of turning it into something more, so thank for your encouragement it's timing is good :)


n zula sng 3 years ago

grt story grt job;-)


nighthag profile image

nighthag 3 years ago from Australia Author

N zula

Thank you so much! I am very glad you enjoyed my vampire story


ocfireflies profile image

ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

Great story, imagery, and best of all, the twist in the end. Love it when I read a story that takes me by surprise. You are talented writer my friend.

V+++

Kim


nighthag profile image

nighthag 3 years ago from Australia Author

ocfireflies

thank you so very much, this is a personal favorite of mine and it is always a pleasure when someone else enjoys it, thank you!


Anna Haven profile image

Anna Haven 2 years ago from Scotland

Well what can I say. I love paranormal fiction, it is my favourite genre. I have read loads of books in that genre and I write in it.

Your story was brilliant. You gave him hope, an almost 'soul' and even an internal fight between darkness and light. How could she do it to him!

I really loved it and I think you are very talented.

Anna :)


nighthag profile image

nighthag 2 years ago from Australia Author

Anne

Paranormal fiction is a deep passion of mine as well and I simply love writing in it

I am so thrilled that you liked this :)

I have been away from writing fora while but I'm changing that now and your wonderfully generous comment has only added to my dreams again.

So I do thank you so very much for stopping by and letting me know what you thought it means a lot :)


joedolphin88 profile image

joedolphin88 2 years ago from north miami FL

very deep and enjoyable read.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 2 years ago from Australia Author

joedolphin88

I am so very glad you enjoyed my short story of a vampire's love, its always a pleasure to share it with others :)


Ally Lewis profile image

Ally Lewis 2 years ago from Pittsburgh, PA

Your use of imagery is unmatched. Loved the boldness and descriptiveness of the scenes!


nighthag profile image

nighthag 22 months ago from Australia Author

Thank you so much!

I have been away from hubpages for a while as I work on my first novel so it was just lovely to return to such a lovely comment

Thank you so much i am thrilled you enjoyed my short story


Robert Sacchi profile image

Robert Sacchi 14 months ago

Thank you. I see why this one is rated the best short story. I really like how the situation changed hands more than once.

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