ABS - If I never told you

Tears

 

If I Never Told You……………………………

 

I smile every time I hear you compliment how strong I am

 

But

 

Truth Is

 

I’m not as strong as you think

 

I am………………..

Tired

Burdened

Disappointed

Overwhelmed

 

I never wanted to be the bread winner. 

My body is tired from being mother, maid, provider, cook, and protector of your ego.

I don’t mind sitting in the passenger side seat instead of driving all the time.

I wish I could count on you to handle business and speak on behalf of our family.

I want you to be my strength, love, protector, and provider.

 

I can’t replace your absence in our home

 

Who will keep me safe at night?

Who will I give the big piece of chicken to?

Who will keep me warm in bed?

Who will teach my son to be a man?

Who will teach my daughter how a man loves a woman?

Who will intimidate her dates and see through the games men play to protect her from harm?

Who will I lean on when the world is too cold and tough for me to handle?

Whose arms can I run to and feel safe and secure?

 

I don’t want to fight with you.

 

I want us to get along.

I want you to love, honor, and respect me.

I want you to be faithful and committed to your family and our journey.

I want you to be my friend who I can laugh and share with.

I want you to help because you know I’m not made of super human strength.

 

I want us to stay together.

 

How about if we both put work into this relationship?

How about if we take time to see the other person’s point of view?

How about understanding it’s not about fault or who’s right and who’s wrong?

How about wanting to be happy with me?

How about doing the little extra things for each other because we both benefit?

How about communicating with me your needs and desires?

 

So if I never told you:

 

I’m dying from the inside out. The frown, anger, and attitude you see is simply me crying for help in a twisted way.  I’ve been hurt, disappointed, neglected, abandoned, and overworked.  I now understand that I can not blame anyone else for my situation as I took part in the creation and demise of my existence. I don’t have to remain this way but the burdens placed on me are truly greater than I can bear. 

 

I want to support you, but the same man I want to stand behind and cheer is killing me.

I can’t be a man and a woman and be pleasant to deal with at the same time.

I can’t do it all and I don’t want to.

I’d much rather work as a team being your love and supportive foundation.

I was created to be your co-pilot NOT the captain, co-pilot, gourmet cook, stewardess, navigation expert, f.a.a. guideline regulator and administrative assistant.

 

I’m writing this because angry black woman syndrome does not allow you to see my hurt, fear, disappointment, and sadness hidden behind a mask of “I’m superwoman.”  I just thought you should know that I’m hurting more than you know.

I was never created to be the head of the household, yet it is a role so often given to me due to circumstances. 

 

If I never told you…………………..I cry

If I never told you…………………...I’m sad

If I never told you…………………..I’m not superwoman

If I never told you……………………I serve as no replacement for you

If I never told you………………….I don’t want to be alone

If I never told you……………………I want to live happily ever after like Cinderella

If I never told you…………………..I love you and want you around for a lifetime

If I never told you……………………..I always wanted to a wife not a baby momma

If I never told you……………………I miss you every day since you’ve been gone

If I never told you………………………I want you. Who cares about right and wrong

If I never told you……………………..I still want to believe in you and us

If I never told you……………………….I’m still waiting for prince charming

If I never told you……………………..I have a heart the size of the world for you

If I never told you………………………..I need your help

If I never told you………………………I’m not Super Woman or Wonder Woman

If I never told you……………………..I am your rib sent by God to build with you

 

If I never told you…………………………..

Sad, disappointed, abandoned little girls turn into mean bitter women over the years.

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