Special Places in Hell
Maybe there really is a hell, and maybe God is too busy worrying about murderers, rapists, child molesters, and financial fraud perpetrators to worry about less grievous miscreants. So maybe he needs an assistant to help assign these people to their terms in hell.
I’d be happy to volunteer. I’ve given lots of thought to who should go:
First, is the person who drives on the shoulder of the road to pass a mile or more of grid locked motorists in order to squeeze in at the front of the line. Since his - or her - time is more important than the rest of us, they’ll have to spend the longest time in Dante’s Inferno.
Next would be the graffiti spreaders who mar our beautiful neighborhoods, followed by those who blast their “rap music” - an oxymoron if ever there was one - at deafening decibels. Probably the same people, come to think of it.
Right up near the top of the list would be those folks who authorize putting telephoners on hold for interminable lengths of time, reminding us between incessant messages, that “Your call is important to us”.
And speaking of telephone sinners, I’d add those who make us press one for English. After all, isn’t that the language in this country anymore?
And how about those that are too lazy to flush after using public restrooms?
They’ll have to burn for a long time. Even worse are the guys who don’t raise the toilet seat and spray all over it.
Then there are litterers who throw trash on our paseos, in our parks, on our roads, even in yards. And people who talk in theaters while the show is on. And line jumpers. And those who leave their dogs to howl all day while they are away.
Or don’t clean up after them. And friends, relatives, guests who put empty ice trays in the freezer instead of first refilling them with water. And the inconsiderate jerks who steal shopping carts and leave them anywhere and everywhere.
And, of course, there is a long list of drivers who are lesser offenders: Those who go slow in the fast lane – and those who follow too close. The ones who cut you off. Those who won’t give you a break to get into traffic. Left turners that go long after the signal has turned red. The ones behind you that blow their horns the instant the light changes. People who take up two parking spaces. Drivers who don’t turn on their lights when it is nearly dark.
The only problem with applying for this position – I’ll have to die to get it.
If you enjoy nostalgia, and if you like motorcycles, you might enjoy my book, OVER THE HANDLEBARS, a collection of 24 short stories or articles about many aspects of motorcycling. Most of these stories were first published in motorcycle magazines in the 1960s, but, I feel they are timeless. The book was updated in 2006 with several new additions. The book is available from Amazon.com. I also have written two other books about motorcycling availalbe from Amazon.com. You can read all 3 of them on your computer for just $2.99 each. Go to motorcyclenostalgia.com.
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