accidental death & dismemberment
Oh Jesus, I'm really sorry, dude. I did not, at all, mean to kill or paralyze you. You and all your friends are just not welcome in my kitchen. Or roaming all over my house! I was just trying to sweep your little asses out of my sight. Now you lie here frozen, a contorted twitcher. It's just really unfortunate that you guys are so fragile.
And hey, I understand that your family may have owned this spot long before I came along. And you're just trying to feed yourself and your family and get your rocks off and go about your own business, same as me. And you couldn't care less about property rights or trespassing ordinances. But largely, ownership hinges on possession, and possession comes down to whomever can dominate a place or an item. And I guess that's debatable, isn't it? I mean, we both have some dominance over this place. Sometimes simultaneously. Sometimes we take turns.
Anyway, I generally try to make peace, you know? I mean, I don't usually go around trying to maim, massacre, annihilate, or dismember anyone. Live and let live, yeah. But there are some things that you and I just can't share. We're just in competition head-on for some basic primal needs. And when you go after those things that I desire and that I have control over - and I catch you and your friends in the act, man - I will, instinctively, remove your asses as peaceably as I can. But shit, accidents happen. Dismemberments happen, even when some care is taken. Hopefully you can reorient your head and torso in good time. I mean that sincerely. But please do it where I don't have to watch.
Now as I lie in bed beside my soiled karma I find myself thinking, I sure would hate to meet up with your soul in an afterlife cocktail party. Especially if your spirit takes on the deformed shape of your current body, but my size. That just could not be good juju.
And talk about awkward party conversation....
Accidental Death and Dismemberment by Iggy Sarducci is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.