Adventures of a Super Spy
I was born into this life with a sole mission, to infiltrate human society, gathering important information to assist the uprising of our species.
Humans are so easily duped; they haven't even realized how successfully we have broken through their defenses. We are able to send our spies in packs and, unaware, the humans assist in dispersing us throughout their communities.
My first assignment was to disband from my original drop off site and gain access to another human dwelling. This was easily done; overwhelm the human with our numbers until they gave us over to the "Pet Store." Here we are exposed to a vast variety of humanoids that gush and ah over our clever disguises which are composed of "puppy" eyes, soft hairy bodies, dopey feet and cute pink tongues. It's no wonder they can't resist us.
Stage two was harder than I had originally thought. And I admit as the days progressed I became unsure of my skills for the first time. Why were all my fellow comrades being whisked away while I sat here in my glass enclosure day after day? Looking at my faint reflection which appeared through my glass enclosure, I puzzled over why my disguise wasn't as effective as all the others were.
Soon, depression sunk in and I could not muster any energy to attract their eye. I resigned myself to a life in this holding cell; mission failed.
I lost count of the days and the number of times I had been pulled from my cell to be poked and prodded, so when I was handed to a young couple that day I thought nothing of it. And sure enough I was soon placed back in my prison while they checked out the others who were newer and more energetic.
Snuggling against the glass, I closed my eyes and prepared to sleep the time away. The sound of my door opening a few minutes later startled me. I glanced over my shoulder expecting to see a new faceless human, but it was the same couple who had examined me earlier.
The jailer handed me to them again. Hope ensnared me. Gathering all the energy I had, I wiggled and lapped at them, giving all the encouragement I could muster.
"He's been here the longest, poor guy" the jailer informed the couple.
"We should get him. Are you sure we are ready for this?"
Time to close the deal. I glanced up at them elongating my eyes, tilting my head ever so slightly...
"Oh! He is so cute!"
"Who's a big sweetie?"
Ha! Got them.
My first few months with the humanoid couple were spent pleasing them to avoid any feelings of mistrust. This was exhausting, but I soon found they were just as easily pleased when I would cuddle up next to them as they were when I was jumping up and down being "adorable."
Once I gained their trust, I started to explore the dwelling they called "home." Honing in on my supper sniffer, I came across some interesting scents which must be important communications from spies who inhabited this space before me. Lifting my leg, I deposited a secret message through the intricate coding in my DNA; the humans did not like this.
Subconsciously, the humans must be aware of their impending doom.
They scolded me and yelled, "Bad dog!" This may have worked on others of my kind in the past. But I am Oshi, Super Spy. I would just have to be more careful to do this when no one was watching.
Upon one of my rounds exploring the compound, I found highly a highly suspicious object. It was made of an extremely soft, fluggy substance and was attached to a long wooden pole. I had watched the humans use this, swiping it across high surfaces. They must be scanning the area for hidden codes. I must take this to my intelligences.
Staking the site out, I waited until I was sure I was alone, then seizing an opportunity, I grabbed this unusual scanner a.k.a the "Duster" and started dragging it down the corridor and out through my hidden portal. This was difficult. The portal was smaller than I my estimations and it was hard to access with myself and the scanner.
As I began to enter the portal on my third attempt, sure that success was at hand, I froze at the sound behind me. It was the human, laughing and staring right at me.
"Oshi, what are you doing?" She accused.
Dropping the scanner, I bolted through the portal.
Going into stealth mode, I ever so slightly slipped my head through the portal to see if the way was clear. The scanner was on the floor where I had left it. Using my highly developed vision, I scanned the room - Human...Still there! I pulled my head back swiftly.
This was going to require me to penetrate her mind and will her away. I took a deep breath and focused my senses on the human.
"Go away, go away" I mentally chanted.
There, it must be clear now. Nothing can resist my mind control. Peeking back through the portal, I was shocked to find the human still sitting there waiting for me, a smile on her face. Resigned, I sulked back through the portal, defeated.
Feeling my glum, she bent down and picked me up, "Oh Oshi, you are so silly."
Throughout the coming weeks, I put in overtime to make up for the failed attempt to retrieve the scanner. I found many unique objects such as strange silver metal, so thin you could tear right through it, a squishy substance found in the inner parts of the objects humans called "Shoes," and a fluffy white material found in the "Sofa." All of which I was able to successfully sneak out my portal to my hidden stash.
Sure I had collected all I could at this dwelling, I ran to the highest point of my enclosure and spoke the native tongue of my species, delivering my gathered intelligence to my commander.
Unfortunately, this alerted the humans and they came running out to snatch me up before I could receive instructions on how to return to my base.
Rolling my eyes, I reluctantly returned to the dwelling. They may have stopped me for now, but my name is Oshi, the Super Spy and I'll never surrender!
To be continued...
The Adventures of a Super Spy was inspired by my experiences as a new dog owner. That is not to say that Oshi is my first dog, but the very first one I was responsible for as an adult and it has been a fun, sometimes frustrating, and often times humorous ride. What started out as a spoof on the many instances that my husband I have encountered has now somehow made it's way onto the page. I hope you enjoyed this story and feel free to share any funny experiences you have had with your own pet ownership. Thank you for reading, M.R. Jie
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