Advice on writing hubpages for only 14 chickens!

We Australians are different, and usually we don't talk about the effect that hanging upside down has on us that has made us downunderers unique.

The happy truth is that all that blood running to our heads makes us smarter than the rest of you, and although you have my sympathy for not having the advantage of living your life upside down, I am still going to help you, if you have fourteen chickens to spare that is.

I got the idea of charging fourteen chickens to make you fabulously rich overnight here on Hubpages from an old song of Charlie Drake's where he charged a bloke 14 chickens to teach him how to throw a boomerang, and as I am short of chickens right now, it was a no-brainer.

Now you may not have made the connection between hanging upside down on the planet, and me charging 14 chickens for the inside running on making millions here on hubpages within the next few days, so I'll spell it out for you.

1.  I need chickens.
2. You need Millions of dollars.

See how simple it is?

Now that I have explained the technical stuff, l will get down to what you'll get for your 14 chickens.

• A link that takes you away from hubpages so you don't get Google slapped for being here in the first place.
• A large photo of Misha crying when he sees he can't touch this with all his SEO stuff.
• A fool proof way to avoid bad content. (This method requires you to do nothing at all)
• A special SEO technique that involves some Australian voodoo and witchcraft.
  
• A tin foil hat to keep out the Googlie gnomes that invade your mind and cause you to look for higher paying keywords. More on this in my new Ebook. "Googly googled gooming gnomes I have know and loved"
• Other places to write such as Word, Notepad and Open office.
• More awesome stuff too awesome to write down, full of awesomeness.
  

And here is the bonus. I will show you how to write hubs that are so darn awful Google will pay you handsomely for not writing them!

I know others here have tried this method, but the awefulness was not really well anti-keyworded and they still got published. The skill levels are quite high, but not enough spelling mistakes lets a lot of them down.

I am currently working on a Google slap slap that will pull the big G into line with my thinking pretty quick smart. When it is finished I will probably charge about 14 chickens for it, so be the first to get in before I have all the chickens I want and withdraw this amazing offer.