Alone again...Naturally

Lonely, have you really felt this totally alone feeling. Trying to be brave and carry on, acting as

if it is all okay , you are fine, but deep inside feeling the desire to Love someone again, yes a

personal physical,caring someone. Being alone is difficult.

Though there are many women as well as men, who are in their senior years living alone, it is

not easy. While "growing up" always believing your senior years were for retirement and a

companion by your side to live out the remainder of your life. To just spend your time the way

you want, sleep in, stay up late,take a nap,enjoy your grandchildren and not want for money.

After all you have saved your money, retirement plans and insurances to cover whatever

might come about.

None of that matters though when you have no one to share with. Eating, preparing meals

alone is really boring,even cleaning the house , though it gives you something to do, isn't

enough. Socializing becomes a real challenge, bars are not where a senior wants to go to

meet someone, dating sites are just plain out of the question, (though there are some that find

each other this way,) senior centers are so planned and admit it, we slow down, each has their

own medical troubles, gain weight, get flabby, and yes feel sorry for ourselves. Until you reach

this point in your life you cannot, will not understand.

When it all started, feeling lonely was the last thing thought about. Just released from a

situation that was no longer true, special, or the way it used to be . Happiness in between the

sadness was still fun, and dreams still played a big part in everyday joys. Actually feeling

somewhat comfortable being alone and still able to perform most tasks with jest and eager to

make it work, after all still feeling young must count.

Changes can bring around so many thoughts, thoughts about who you really are, and what

you never had the chance to become, because of the pressures placed upon what society

said was Okay. Religious beliefs that held you back and the thought that you weren't worthy of

anything better then what you had. Be glad you had a place to live,food on the table, a

husband, and children. The job you were suppose to take on full time was taking care of

everyone else and if there was any time left, you were allowed to spend it on yourself. Maybe?

Being young was a real super challenge,back in the days of our youth.Those days didn't seem

fast at the time, it was very un-nerving to even think about old age, was always something that

grandparents and great aunts and uncles were into. Some youngsters had the fortune of

growing up knowing their grandparents, aunts,uncles and were close to them. Then there

were some which never experienced that joy. So "old" was a distant worry not to worry about,

after all it was years and years away.

Somehow those years fly by and you aren't even aware of it, at first anyways. Then one day

you turn 60 or 70 and you wonder what the heck happened? You haven't really changed that

much,your mind and heart are full of things you still want to accomplish,but time waits for no-

one. Evidentially you come to the realization you are now the "old" one. The one the family

looks at and says,"poor Grandma" she is having a hard time these days. "How old is she

now"?.

Lonely, yes she is lonely as hell, but doesn't want to speak about it,doesn't want anyone to

feel sorry for her, she knows she has had a great life,maybe not able to do all the things one

thinks they can do, or wants to do,but she has been around, experienced wonderful moments

and love, aww... love that is where we began. Love is what she wants to "FEEL" again, and not

just within her thoughts and prayers. The warmth that another brings, the thrill of just sitting

together, discussing the everyday little things that now seem so important. To be able to

cuddle and tell your most special secrets to,understanding the touch of a hand, laughter from

within, even worry is a feeling to share.

Talking a loud to oneself , the cat or dog,is just not quite the same as hearing another voice

answer you, whisper in your ear,singing a song,humming,even cough. Sounds silly? Well it

isn't silly, it is being alone, feeling alone, and wanting company.

Maybe it is all the final test we must go through, living with ourselves to see just what we really

are like. How we handle things on our own. If we care about other's, if our faith is still there and

if we can endure what is put before us. Do we have a choice? Perhaps to some point we do,

but basically old is old and old is Lonely in every way. You are alone with all your thoughts,

with all your guilt, with everything you do on a daily basis.

I am just writing this down because there is no one to actually say it to. I know there are many

lonely older folks out there and maybe this will help in some way, we are not alone...so smile,

cry, shout, but be happy, time is short enough...go sliding in saying "What a hell of a

ride"..Thank You Lord !!!

:O) Hugs, as always, G-Ma

Comments 33 comments

bluebird profile image

bluebird 5 years ago

I am with you all the way! Make the most of it while we're still alive and kicking! I'm sending warm fuzzies your way sweetie! Hang in there, things change, it's a good thing, isn't it?!


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

bluebird...yes dear it is as good as it will get I reckon...and big WARM Fuzzies right back to you...Have a great day...:O) Hugs G-Ma


justom profile image

justom 5 years ago from 41042

G-ma, today you struck a chord. Tomorrow is my birthday (61)and after reading this I see that I couldn't have said it better and you're RIGHT on the money. I screwed up a couple of great relationships and now I'm old and alone too. Wonderful hub!! Peace!! Tom


tnderhrt23 profile image

tnderhrt23 5 years ago

Well, you've been reading MY mail...Thanks for having the courage to put it down on paper and share it...I've been told that "Feelings aren't facts" but its sure a fact I am feeling alone and ...old! God bless you, G-ma!


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 5 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

G-Ma, You expressed what many are experiencing and feeling, its touching. As Bluebird says, hang in there, when you least expect it, things will change. I hope to read a hub from you one of these days, that you met a kindred spirit and are getting ready to spend time with him! Email me, if I for one reason or another miss the hub. :)

Hugs,

Marie


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

justom...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR TOM...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...and many more...Aww just a youngster and 10 years younger then me...sssshhhhh...always have had an eye for younger men...too bad we live so far apart...:O) Hugs G-Ma oh and thanks for commenting, as you always do :O)


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

tnderhrt23...Nice to meet you my dear and Thank you for replying, and feelings are everything...and I was a bit un-sure if I should reveal these "feelings" of mine, but it felt good...God be with you too...:O) Hugs G-Ma


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

VioletSun...You will know if it happens, or should I say When it happens ? Yes I realize many are lonely and that is why I had to write it down...you are all so kind here... always have been in the 3 years I have written on the Hubs...seems like home to me THANKS SO MUCH...:O) hugs G-Ma


FloBe profile image

FloBe 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

In many people's eyes I am still young but I faced something yesterday that made me feel old and I had to let go of a thing I enjoy because I can't do it anymore. There is a sense of loss with getting older, that's for sure. Thanks for sharing your heart with us!


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 5 years ago from US

All I can say is those of us with a man don't have all them things, you find one you better not tell none of us. Just kidding you. I am going to send you a poem I had here awhile before I knew you I think and took em all off getting my new site set up and it just said let you read it, maybe the only one that can understand it and pretty much says what you just did, I will just put it in an email, no link or download. You don't have to answer it. Just brought everything back. I will link a song to youtube I had with it you can go listen to or not. Maybe give you something to bore you to sleep anyway. Polly


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 5 years ago from US

Oh and I understand that having to talk to yourself or an animal or a wall or go mad with no sound. Sometimes you wish you were the kind of person to scream but you know you can't...I SENT IT, hope you got it, I forgot emailing is different here but it looked to go through. God bless you,(and Mommy) you know you look like my sister did before she had her stomach stapled and she disappeared. lol


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

FloBe...I understand that so much...after some 35 years of doing childcare I had to give it up, and was so lost...but time heals in time...Thanks for stopping in my dear...:O) Hugs G-Ma


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Polly...Yes I think I remember reading that long ago...very sad and a trying time for you...Thank You for sharing it again...I liked it a lot. Not sure I received the u-tube thing tho....God Bless You My dear Lady...:O) Hugs G-Ma


justom profile image

justom 5 years ago from 41042

G-ma, I'm shocked, I never thought you would tell me a fib. No way you're 71! I like older women so maybe I'll just relocate :-) Peace and Love, Tom


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 5 years ago from West Coast

G-Ma - Wonderful as always. Thanks for sharing.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

justom...hummmm? I know I don't look, or act my age, but I don't fib either...You Made me snicker for sure...:O) Hugs G-Ma/ Merle Ann


vietnamvet68 profile image

vietnamvet68 5 years ago from New York State

Such a lovely write, sometimes we all just take things for granted and then one day we are all alone in this big world. Our Golden years are sometimes not as Golden as we would like them to be. So we enjoy them while we are able to. God Bless you my dear lady.


BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 5 years ago from New York

It is odd how younger people think when we reach a certain age we are dead, especially from the waist down, not so. Love is not reserved for the very young, yet they continue to think so, they are so wrong. I suppose I might have thought that too at one time, but funny, like you say, we don't stay 25 forever, maybe that is a good thing, or at least, in my book, it Should be a good thing. Wonderful hub.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

vietnamvet68...well nice to meet you :O)... and thank you for coming to comment...you are so right and I admire you for all you have done, where as for me, seems I surely could have or should be doing more... God Bless and Keep you safe...:O) Hugs G-Ma


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

bobbiRant...thought I had answered you here but I guess not. Yes but I remember when I was young I never really understood what it was honestly like to be considered "the elderly" "Over the Hill" "Senior Citizen"

Then one day when I was abt 52 I was offered a senior citizen discount card...and was I insulted....Ha ha ha truly the laugh was on me...I took it for the discounts though, no other reason...HUH?

And I agree waist down is still alive..ha ha sssshhh...

Thanks for responding to my hub...and nice to see who you are married to..MyBlessings...:O) Hugs G-Ma


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 5 years ago from India

Cheer up G-Ma, you will never be alone as long as you have your friends here! Hugs!! :)


Candie V profile image

Candie V 5 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

"..go sliding in saying "What a hell of a ride"..Thank You Lord !!!"

I completely get this! And I'm adding.. a giant 'AMEN' to that! Hugs beautiful lady!


justmakingmoney profile image

justmakingmoney 5 years ago from The Pearl of the Orient

Hi Grandma Johnson, things would have been positively different when you decide to spend your retirement here in the Philippines.

I know of a lady folk who retired here, she got no relative to care for her, she just took a hired house help to accompany her. She enjoys weekend tours at scenic destinations, cultural shows and concerts. She frequents the movies and live theater shows. She lives like a queen here - all for barely US$1,000. And that tag price already comes with the benefit of a weekday massage spa experience. Most medical bills are also already covered.

But that is not what makes her happy these days. What she enjoyed much here is the warmth of relationships that she has with the young Filipinos up here. She opened her house on Saturdays for the kids in the neighborhood and she would bake cookies and make candies with them, and sandwiches too, and tell stories and give grandmotherly advice to kids about why they should obey their parents, how to save money while they are young, how to become a young businessman, or how to become a nice person, teach about basic courtesy, and so many more.

Kids just love her and they get attached to her. In return, the kids clean her house and her yard and cut the grass whenever needed. This Grandma took advantage of her closeness to these kids by telling them about the great men of God in the Bible which always make the kids so fascinated. And they always end their time praying together.

What a positive change she is doing to our young people up here. And she is enjoying her stay here, in fact she looks younger than when she came to the Philippines.

There are a lot of good experiences of foreigners who are here for their retirement. If in case you seriously consider retiring here in the Philippines, check out with the internet for more information. You may also check the Government website in charge of Philippine retirement system for foreigners. By the way, they offer lifetime, multiple entry visa and many other benefits, just check at www.pra.gov.ph for more info.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

Well Thank You dear JUSTMAKINGMONEY for all this information, wonderful she is in such a great place and can help out the younger generation in such a positive way...

I just have no way of leaving whilst I have my Mother to care for and who knows she may out live me....

If , when the day comes and she is gone I will try to remember this hub comment and check it out...:O) Hugs G-Ma


justmakingmoney profile image

justmakingmoney 5 years ago from The Pearl of the Orient

Hi dear Grandma, thanks for your quick reply. I understand the challenging situation you are in right now. But did you realize that God loves you? He does! And He is fond of using people who are in almost hopeless situations and bring them to their point of greatness when they decide to put their faith and fate in Him!

I mean, remember the old, old guy Abraham and his equally old and barren wife Sarrah? They were too old and got no child, but God told Abraham that he will be the father of all. And history tells us it's so.

Remember that young guy who was long forgotten in the dungeons of Egypt because he was wrongfully accused of attempted rape? God made him the number 2 ruler of Egypt. Egyptian history testifies to this fact. That guy's name is Joseph.

I know God has so much wonderful things in store for you, just continue to put your trust in Him and open your heart to Him.

Let me share this video to you, I got it from Youtube - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4&feature...

Don't miss watching it.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

justmakingmoney...????

Laminin.."In Jesus all things Hold together"...thank you that was wonderful and I am going to forward that to some of my friends...God Bless and Keep you...:O) Hugs G-Ma


tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA

When I read your hub, I thought of my grandmother and the things she shared with me about getting "older". One of the things she mentioned was the feeling of loneliness when everyone went home after the holiday shuffle. I use to try to make it a habit to call her every couple of days, or send her some snail mail. She loved it.

She also told me that one of the downfalls of being older is that no one seems to need you anymore. It was the feeling of being needed that made her complete.

It was because of her that I started to do in-home care for the elderly.

Thanks for sharing such a touching hub. Even though you don't get to hear a voice, you will find a wonderful family here on hubpages. Thanks again!


neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 5 years ago from new delhi

mmmmm from the looks of you Gma you seem more alive than many younger woman. wish i was not in India would have loved to cuddle- lol

yes loneliness is big time Gma everywhere in the world and even those with spouses face it equally badly most times which is worse than being alone because you have the problem without the independence and flexibility to try to solve it.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

neeleshkulkarni...well thank you for the cuddle...and sorry if there is any loneliness for you...I read your poem about the runners and loved it, very well spoken with much meaning...can be thought of in many ways.

Nice to meet you...:O) Hugs G-ma


no body profile image

no body 5 years ago from Rochester, New York

Time marches on, huh Ma? Our life is but a vapour that appears for a little time and vanishes away. We live and touch so many lives for such a small moment. Like you've touched my heart. love you ma. hugs.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

no body...well Thank you my dear and yes time waits for no one...it is tough when you find your friends all around you , one by one passing on... actually becoming numb to the events...Prayers all around...but numb just the same...:O) Hugs G-Ma


lex123 profile image

lex123 5 years ago

I know a lady in my neighborhood, who is 82 years, and became lonely 6 years ago, after a hectic life. She doesn't allow her age or loneliness engulf her, instead she is most respected and wanted by many. She runs an orphanage started 6 years back, with her son's in-laws help (but it was her desire to start one and all initiative done by her) and her whole world is around them now. She now also wants to help the destitute ladies and old people along with this. Her only regret is she has no much time left to see these kids growing up and becoming what they are hoping to be. Even in the midst of family circle this is the only topic (running her orphanage) she has to talk about, and still it is such a pleasure to spend time with her.

I know everyone can't be like her. But those who have access to the internet world, like hub pages, they are not alone. I send you a big hug.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 5 years ago from NW in the land of the Free Author

lex 123...That is just wonderful...I am happy for her. I took care of children for over 35 years and have been very busy till 5 years ago...but then God sent me my dementing Mother to care for...so I have a purpose just get lonely anyways...Thanks for commenting and HUGS :O) G-Ma

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