An Honest Moment


You’re ashes in the crosswinds,
at the mercy of the storm
that has finally become me,
and today, a bond is formed

Portals within dying stars,
imploding upon themselves
Super novas know nothing
of the power I sought and found

Your universe, discovered,
my sea to sail,
with galaxies my vessels
Your eyes,
my gateway
to paradise,
your body
softly trembles

Didn’t I know you
in some nearby distance
or some future long ago?

Your face appears to me
In places I’ve never seen,
on people I’ve never met,
In dreams I never had,
In mirrors that don’t reflect
In lives I never lived,
In cold night air breaths

I know there is more happening
here, than could ever meet the eye

I see the clouds coalescing

I feel reality disfiguring

I hear her muddled cries, and

I watch the shapeless figure
overtaking the horizon

A gold-trimmed shadow walks,
forming craters at its feet



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I decided to remove something, for the first time in my life. I hate to do that, but I think perhaps it was just too dark to expose to the world. I'll leave the socially acceptable parts in, and if anyone wishes to see the entire stream, let me know.



Here I am, once again in this place I can’t define, I can’t even begin to describe. The waiting place would be such a perfect name, if only Dr. Seuss hadn't already invented the term. I wait here, in this moment, this wretched, beautiful present. The past is a nightmare, and always will be. The future terrifies me, for I know what awaits me…but the present is the worst of them all. I sit here, and I wait, and I hope, and I know better than to hope, but I remind myself that crazier things have happened. I sit here, and I wait, for the coming of an age, or the passing of an era, or the arrival of a change, or the leaving of a phase.


I cannot sit here anymore, in this sickening moment in time, watching my life pass me by, watching beautiful moments come and go, and fade into nothing. I cannot stand another day in this repetitive torment. There is simply no scenario in my vision of the future that doesn't involve despair. I am greater than I ever knew, but even less than I ever could have imagined. I am more and less, more or less, praying for a painless death, but one without a sweet thereafter.


I know that something is at hand. Something vast and horrible, and enlightening, and absolutely beyond any fear we could conjure. I know that everything we know and think we are will come to an end, and existence will embark on a new tangent…something never spoken of in history.



© copyright Ben D.A 2011

Comments 10 comments

BeyondMax profile image

BeyondMax 4 years ago from Sydney, Australia

I think that it's kinda unfair to suppress the dark thoughts of ours but I understand your concerns. I once posted some of my darker side poem here and I got a stream of emails asking me if I'm out of my mind for a stroll LOL I stopped posting dark in hubville and just stuck to the light side. I believe there is nothing wrong with having both sides of the coin, they are still the parts of the whole picture, that what makes us who we really are. Though, I think we are sensitive much, alright =) I appreciate your poetry, it is really deep and interesting, exploring the unknown, places, feelings and thoughts in the most beautiful and creative way possible. It's a gift.


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

You’re ashes in the crosswinds,

at the mercy of the storm

that has finally become me,

and today, a bond is formed.

Awesome!!!!


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Thank you all so very much for the comments and the reads. They always mean a lot. Nikki/Randy I think you'd both like to see the rest of the stream. I removed it as to not offend or scare anyone


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

Your mind is a wondrous place. and you're hand can hardly keep up with every word pouring out. sometimes our thoughts get tangled up with the every day. sometimes our imaginations take us to a better (sometimes worse/darker) place. Sometimes things just make no sense what so ever, and sometimes they may never have been more clear in a time of clear confusion and chaos. There may be bad things to come...and I fear what the future holds for me too (cuz i fear the unknown) I also hate living this mundane, routine life, but in the end the only one who can do anything about it is yourself. and though bad things may await us, and the only guarantee in life is death...i believe good things are waiting to happen as well. and will happen. if we let them. No one knows what is coming. no one knows what the future holds (unless you are psychic and can read a crystal ball or something you know nothing but death will come one day, and even that we dont know when or how...) I wouldnt mind reading the whole of this but that is up to you to share it with me. You understand your mind better than the rest of us.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

Ben there is some really good stuff in here. I especially like the juxtapositions found in this section:

Your face appears to me

In places I’ve never seen,

on people I’ve never met,

In dreams I never had,

In mirrors that don’t reflect


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge

"Because in the end, everything we do, is just everything we've done." Corey Taylor - Omega

This reminds me of Corey's spoken,lyrical, bleeding ... pleading.

Great stuff Ben!


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Hi Ben, your poem is incredibly powerful and moving. We are all there from time to time, ebbing and flowing and taking the good with the bad. I loved your prose too, it was dark and light and incredible from someone so young. I read in the newspaper this morning that some boffins have worked out that we do not reach out intellectual peak until we are in our late fifties. I'm 59 and the peak still looks unclimbable. I wonder what you will be creating when you reach your peak? Great stuff young man. Bravo!


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

I suppose I could have expected responses like that, debby.

Yes, it helped to get the "evil" out.

Thank you for the comment

cardisa - I wasn't even sure if I should post that one...maybe people can't handle it? I don't know. Thank you for reading :]


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

I like the prose, the first couple of paragraphs reminded me of me a couple of years ago as I waited for me fate yet could not stand to be here.


Debby Bruck profile image

Debby Bruck 5 years ago

Ben ~ I thought it was "Heaven on Earth." Is this all fantasy? Maybe getting it out on paper helps to remove the evil, whatever that might be? Thoroughly enjoyed the music and poem. Blessings for a better day, Debby

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