An Itch To Drive Me Insane

I was minding my own business

When the unforgivable happened

I got bit

By what I don't know

Where

Wouldn't you like to know

Where I can't see

No matter how far I turn

It barely gets any sunlight

You get the picture

This bite was small in size

You would of never guessed it by the persistent itch

Ahhh as I scratched it thirty three times in the past five minutes

The area is getting red

Trying not to scratch it any more

Waiting at proper intervals

Ten to two twelve seconds apart

Hoping it would magically go away

The more I scratched

The more it itched

This isn't the first time

I have been bitten in the cheek just the other day

Right below the eye

Were you thinking a different cheek ?

Well it wasn't long before the culprit decided to strike again

This time you hit it dead on

I have been bit on the nuckle ,knee and middle of my back

On top of my head and even on the bottom of my foot

Behind the ear

How unlucky can I be ?

Maybe I should be honored they find me such a worthy target

On the elbow

Really

I couldn't think straight

I tried alcohol

We have no anti itch cream

I couldn't wait any longer

I begged my wife to drive to Walmart

To get me something for the itch

So I can get some relief

She said I will go in a little bit

I am in the middle of cooking

Your a big boy

You will just have to wait a half hour

I became impatient

As I drove I will be extra careful not to put anyone on the road at risk

It wasn't long

Before I got pulled over by the first police cruiser

That seen me coming

A mile away

I know I tried not to swerve

But it was almost impossible not to do

The big blue lighas went on

As I looked in my rear view mirror

Oh shi* !

I know I shouldn't of

To late now

I came to an abrupt stop

Waiting for the officer to approach the car

I'm sorry

I could not scratch

I have to scratch

I see the police officer standing next to me

Waiting for those magic words

Liscence and registration

He must of seen me fidgeting in my seat

Please step out of the car

Officer I can explain

There is a perfectly logical explanation

Have you been drinking ?

No sir

With the blinding lights in my eyes

My pants unbuckled just enough

Before the officer came

I attempted to reach

The hardest of all spots

Such a private spot

With a firm and authorative voice

Can you explain to me why your pants are unzipped ?

It all started about fifteen minutes ago at home

At this time the officer asked me to step out of the car

Put my hands on the car

Without hesistation I reached up and now there was nothing holding them up

So my trusty dungaries dropped

I never was so imbarrassed

The police officer seemed less and less amused

At this time who could blame him

I am going to put handcuffs on you for your on safety

Your not under arrest

Until we figure this whole thing out

Calling for back up

Another police car pulled up

This is getting rediculous

As I told my story

Both police officers felt bad for me

To make matters worse

The second officer was a woman

They let me go with a warning

Even then they followed me all the way

To see if I was telling the truth

I offered to show the bite mark

They said we will take your word on it

It just won't be necessary

I seen the female officer trying to hide a smile

I am happy to say

I couldn't get in line fast enough

Running into the men's bathroom

Hydrocortisone cream saved the day

Within minutes that nasty bite

Had now almost instantly gone away