Animal Jokes for Grownups
Animal jokes are probably popular because we can all relate to them. We've all heard about people who look or act like their animals (those jokes tend to write themselves!), so it's not a stretch to say that most people identify with animals. You can also do plays on words with animal jokes, such as "What do you get if you run over a monkey? Rhesus pieces!"
Animal jokes tend by their nature to be silly and therefore appreciated by kids, but they can also sometimes incorporate funny adult humor. This page gives some examples of both kinds, as well as picture jokes, which are illustrated with some cute black and white cartoons. Also included on this page is a book review of The Giant Book of Animal Jokes: Beastly Humor for Grownups (and a link to buy it for those who can never get enough animal jokes!), plus some samples of jokes from the book.
See Animal Picture Jokes Below:
Choose a small version of any of the animal jokes underneath the large image below. When you click on one of the images, it will appear larger.
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The images above are a sampling of James McLean's illustrations for The Giant Book of Animal Jokes: Beastly Humor for Grownups.
Sample Animal Jokes
Here are some of my favorite jokes from The Giant Book of Animal Jokes: Beastly Humor for Grownups:
- That reminds us of the guy who bragged to his friends that he ruled the roost. Unfortunately, his wife rules the rooster.
- What happened when a frustrated homeowner stuck his garden hose into one of the numerous mounds in his backyard? He made a fountain out of a molehill.
- A young woman was traveling with her infant son on a train when a man walking down the aisle abruptly halted in front of her, did a double take, and exclaimed, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." The woman burst into tears, and the conductor who heard her crying tried to console her. "Don't worry about what inconsiderate people have to say; they're just being uncouth. Here, here's a banana for your monkey."
- What is a mosquito's favorite hobby? Skin diving.
- Why did Walt Disney's famous rodent have only one girlfriend? Because Mickey was monogamouse.
- A man didn't have any cheese to put in his mousetrap, so he cleverly cut out a picture of cheese and used that as bait instead. The next day, the man saw with satisfaction that the trap had been triggered. In the trap was a picture of a mouse.
- A farmer who was bothered by marauding snakes wrote a note to the city zoo: "Please tell me how I could acquire a pair of mongeese." The word didn't seem right, so he wrote another note: "Please tell me how I could acquire a pair of mongooses." By then, neither word seemed right, so he wrote: "Please tell me how I could acquire a mongoose and a second one to keep the first one company."
Book Review: "The Giant Book of Animal Jokes: Beastly Humor for Grownups"
Weighing in at two pounds and containing 4,509 numbered jokes (and scores of unnumbered twists and puns), The Giant Book of Animal Jokes: Beastly Humor for Grownups poses a question: Which will tire first, the reader's arms or the reader's mechanism for responding (laughing, chuckling, smiling, giggling, and groaning as the publisher puts it) to the jokes?
The animal jokes include old favorites, revisions, and new ones, collected, edited, and/or written by Richard Lederer, an author (30 books such as Anguished English, Crazy English), a columnist, a speaker, a radio show host and by James Ertner, a cataloger of jokes, a writer of joke books, a roaster. According to the back cover, both have won awards as punsters. There are also well-done illustrations by James McLean, samples of which can be seen above.
The animal jokes are arranged in two major sections. The first and larger is alphabetical coverage by animals from Aardvark to Zyzzyva. The second is by joke categories including animal jokes in the form of
Daffynitions "Information: the way geese fly"
Mixes, crosses "What's the difference between a counterfeit coin and a crazy rabbit? One is bad money, and the others a mad bunny."
Knock-knocks "Knock, knock. Who's there? Owl. Owl who? Owl you know if you don't open the door"
Q&A "What made Noah the world's first financial investor? He floated his stock while everyone else was being liquidated."
Tom Swifties "That's the last time I stick my arm into a lion's mouth," Tom said offhandedly.
Classroom Teacher: "What is the cranium?" Student: "The part of the zoo where cranes are kept."
Throughout, there are riddles and puns and ones that begin "Did-you-hear-the one about_______?" or "Why-did-the___ ____?"
The subtitle, Beastly Humor for Grownups, is there because a fraction of the jokes are in bars or turn on the battle of the sexes [Two librarians were talking, and one asked, "Is your husband a bookworm?" "No," replied the other, "just an ordinary one."], married life, raising children, politics [Why do we call it politics? Because poly means many and ticks means blood-sucking parasites.]
There is nothing X-rated, but there are jokes that could cause younger children to ask questions that parents may not want to answer. [As one mole asked another, "Did the earth move for you, too?"] Most children over 16 would probably be all right with the book, but some parents would not want the book for children of any age.
I took the book with me to a dental appointment. My dentist is one who reads classical literature but who does have a lively sense of humor. He read one joke aloud and said, "That's awful." He flipped pages, read another, and said, "That's terrible." He continued that pattern and shifted from smiling to laughing as he read. I had to remind him that I was in his chair for treatment of a tooth. He wanted the book left there. When I returned two weeks later for him to check his dental artistry, he was still having fun with the jokes.
For the speaker or writer who needs a bit of humor for a particular occasion, there is an index. At 7x10, two pounds, and 458 pages, this collection is, indeed, a giant book of animal jokes.
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