The dog who froze his tail off

How dogs fish
How dogs fish
"They's fish in them there waters - it's time to do some serious fishing"
"They's fish in them there waters - it's time to do some serious fishing"
Stnky piles of fishies mess up the whole neighborhood
Stnky piles of fishies mess up the whole neighborhood

The dog who froze his tail off


Once on a time, 'midst sand and sun,
there lived dog, Rover, full of fun.
While yet a pup he'd learned to fish
with tail in water – caught all he'd wish.

He caught the big ones and the small.
Caught the fat ones. Caught 'em all.
Into water'd go his tail.
Fish would bite. ("From tail to pail.")

Once that tail went underwater
fishies bit. (They hadn't oughter.)
Rover's tail wagged side to side
and, that, no fishie could abide.

Too many fishies for his food -
they piled up in the neighborhood,
and stink they did, so hot it was.
In red hot heat that's what fish does.

So Rover, smart and up-to-date,
Had a fix-it-contemplate.
“What I need,” he thought at last,
“a great big freezer – arctic blast.”

Delivery day. His freezer came.
Changed complexion of the game.
Now, when fishies were left over,
“Into freezer,” hollered Rover.

No-stink days were here to stay,
and Rover's tail would wag and sway.
All those fishies he could store.
Oops - his tail caught in the door.

Rover cussed and swore a lot.
That didn't get his cold tail hot.
There it was, stuck in the freezer.
That door was a real tail-squeezer.

Rover thought and thought at length.
At last he tugged with all his strength.
The freezer held onto his tail,
but Rover won – no way he'd fail.

Rover now had shorter rump.
Before, a tail, but now a stump.
The frozen fishies took one look -
“It's Rover's tail – his fishing hook.”

And so it went, as life moved on
Rover's tail was not quite gone.
His stump would wiggle. Fish would bite.
His freezer-tail fished day and night.

If you're at Rover's house to feast
watch out for long, thin fish at least.
Rover's old and careless now.
Your fish might be that tail somehow.


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Comments 32 comments

PADDYBOY60 profile image

PADDYBOY60 3 years ago from Centreville Michigan

Where can I get one of them fishing dogs. I love to eat fish.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Patrick (PADDYBOY60) - I heard that there was only one of those hounds left but he had not passed the breeder's fishing training program because he was afflicted with hydrophobia. So, you are stuck with the Gorton's stuff that you will find in the grocery store's frozen food aisle.

Gus :-)))


FitnezzJim profile image

FitnezzJim 3 years ago from Fredericksburg, Virginia

Too funny.

Rover red rover, let fishy come over.

-OR-

Over hill, without fail, they will catch the doggie tail, when the fishies come swimming along.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

All's well in Fredericksburg, FitnezzJim - those caissons came rolling on in ! :-)

I'm smiling, too.

Have a fishy day,

Gus :-)))


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida

Pore ole Rover! But very clever Gus!

Thanks for writing this funny 'tale' for us.

Rover made the ultimate sacrifice,

Now his tail is forever enshrined in ice.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Good Doctor bj - This may explain why so many people go for cats.

Gus :-)))


epigramman profile image

epigramman 3 years ago

...well Sir Gus - you are in luck my friend - I will send this beauty of your imaginative fertile young mind to the prettiest girl in all of Hubpages and if she doesen't arrive on your scene - then I will personally give her a spanking ...... lol - and Gus of Sirdom there is only one of you - you know that don't you - you are a hub treasure to be sure - sending you warm wishes from cold lake erie time 10:55pm Canada


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

"epi" - I have translated your words into Redneck and find them worthy of rejoinder. Most likely, when the prettiest girl in all of HubPages arrives, sans the alternative suggested flagellation, I will allow her to read this poem and, after that, I will dry her tears from the unbridled joy of such an experience using the basketful of crumpled papers on which the poem originally struggled into its unjustified existence. How's that grab you?

One is never sure what it was that "epi" really said. No matter. We starving writers will accept whatever we can get.

Stay warm...

Gus :-)))

p.s.: How'd you like the oil painting I made of the doggie from a photo?


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Oh, Gus, I adore this splendid tail...yes, I purposely spelled it as in doggie tail. I have a special affinity for all things canine, well, especially my beloved Scottish Terrier, MacGregor, who passed away this past July. I miss him more than I can say. I especially love your oil painting, Gus, which is another hobby I adore. Your painting and your writing capture all the charm of man's best friend. Love this work of art.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Amy (Amy Becherer) - Whatever might it be that makes dogs so special for folks like you and me? I suspect that it is their ability to say the stuff we appreciate without having more than a bark and a growl to say it with - oh yes, and it is the wagging tail and all the rest of them, too. Here we have our little rat terrier, roughest-toughest hound in the area. He is "War Dog," but not because he is mean and fights all the time, but because he brooks no nonsense from any man or beast within his purview. If he actually had a tail, he'd wear it out from happiness.

As to the oil painting, I'd like to claim the art of it, but it is made from a photo made by another and then run through the program "FotoSketcher" which made it appear to be an oil painting sort of thing. I commend that program to you, Ms Amy. It's a freebie available through www.SourceForge.net. Happy I will remain, however, because you enjoyed Rover, the canine-persuasion master of the fishing and seafood cuisine professions. It was fun putting the thing together.

Gus :-)))


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Though your question is rhetorical, I had to return to give you my take on the special love I have for dogs, in particular for me, my Mac. Mac taught me how to be real...I call it the poop factor. No matter how groomed, how dignified Mac appeared, he pooped out in the yard and I cleaned it up. He had no pretense, but he did have dignity. He was my handsome, swaggering, stubborn, loyal, one man dog and I'll never know another like him. No one will ever greet me like he did when I came home. He adapted to living in an apartment, though I doubted he would. He was confident, but slightly, charmingly shy. He was expressive from his ears all the way down to his tail. We read each other like a book. He was a quiet, constant presence that I never tired of. I loved him more than I'll probably ever love another human. He had no preconceived notions or malice. He accepted what was and was stoic until the end. He loved me unconditionally, and I, him. I will miss him forever. Thanks for listening, Gus.


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 3 years ago from San Francisco

Call it what you like, I liked it. Thank you for this enjoyable read.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Hi Amy (Amy Becherer) - Reminds me of the old fellow and his dog in the story, "Call of the Wild." Good dogs and good people get along.

Gus :-)))


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Hello Martin (Mhatter99) -

The "Dumb Poem" classification is something I apply to any bunch of words that convene silently because they don't have a lot to say - but they may elicit a smile or two when they work. Thank you for letting me believe this bunch probably worked OK.

Have fun today...

Gus :-)))


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 3 years ago

Your poem is just what the doctor ordered. There is nothing better than laughter and a great tale (no pun intended).


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Hi "BP" (breakfastpop) - Doctor Falschprop ordered that poem just yesterday. It was directly following his morning rounds when he did so - right before he went for three squares over at Breakfast Pop's bean wagon. Man alive. How the news spreads quickly these days. Must have a lot to do with that pesky Internet thing.

Happy to learn that this fishy story got you to laughing some. One of these days I intend to learn how to put a real ripper together for laugh-hungry folks like you, but you'll have to be patient. I'm up to 20 or 30 Watts now, but it requires a brighter bulb in the socket - like maybe a couple of hundred Watts or thereabouts. :-)

Gus :-)))

p.s.: My kid just now asked me "Whats a Watt?" I told her, "James Watt. He watched his Mama's tea kettle at boil and invented the steam engine."

(Is that a good start to writing funny ones?)


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 3 years ago

Dear Gus,

I'm patient....


moonfairy profile image

moonfairy 3 years ago

very cute.....and entertaining! Thanks for sharing =)


Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 3 years ago from Central Texas

Delightful poem -- I've got a "sorta" Lab that could fit right in as the fishin' dog -- he's a real clown! Thanks for my hoot of the day -- enjoyed your clever words -- and the painting! Best/Sis


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Hi moonfairy - Even that old stumpy-tailed fisherdog, Rover, is happy that you were entertained by his strange profile. :-)

Gus :-)))


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Angela (Angela Blair) -

Whenever an energetic, senior citizen, Texas lady says she enjoys something, we old Rednecks know enough to shut up and enjoy right back. Two things on my mind about you right this moment:

1. If you would like to make a nice "oil painting" of your sorta-Lab, you can do it like I did with the photo atop this hub using a nifty FREE program like the one I downloaded from sourceforge.net named "FotoSketcher." That is how that "oil painting" was generated. AND...

2. My buddy and I were talking about those "title loan" and "payday loan" places today - the ones that hit their borrowers for 25% interest per week on small loans. My buddy is bigtime into politics stuff, and he told me that the chairman of the legislative committee that oversees loan companies like those "killed" a more reasonable bill designed to better control those loan sharks. My friend claimed the bill-killer was an owner of a string of such places. I thought it might be interesting to work together with as many Texas writers as possible to publicize the need for reform here and the reason that there has not been any. Let me know via the HubPages email deal (profile "fan mail") what you might think of such a campaign.

Some stuff to do, right?

Gus :-)))


kj force profile image

kj force 3 years ago from Florida

GusTheRedneck...Ahh yes another " fish tail " as told as only you could..my friend..


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Hi kj (kj force) - I guess that you can catch more fish with happiness than you can with a frown. Maybe that's why Rover's frozen tail is still wagging and still bringing them in, even bringing in the ones frozen solid inside that big freezer of his. :-)

Gus :-)))


Fossillady profile image

Fossillady 3 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

Thumbs up, funny, awesome, and I even hit useful as there is always a message, especially in the "dumb poem category" lol! Good to see you Gus. It's been awhile, but I'm baaaack! Unemployed and have time again! Oh well! I missed you and all my hub friends, that's the best part of this writer's community! God bless, Kathi


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Hello Ms Kathi (Fossillady) - Oh my gracious - I just now almost made a little gentleman of you. (Stuck an extra "D" into the fossillady deal) No matter that - I am pleased that you are baaaack. So is everyone else around these parts I suspect.

Your comment here brings a problem to me. You allude to there being a message in this fishy dog of a tale. Now I am stuck with trying to figure out what that message might be. Let me put forth several guesses -

Maybe it was to never name your hound dog, Rover.

Maybe it was to not store fish in the freezer until after you adequately bring their metabolism down to zero.

Maybe it was to not purchase big freezers at Sears.

I'll keep on working to find the answer. Wish me success.

Gus :-)))


Fossillady profile image

Fossillady 3 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

You're too funny! I would say that all the above applies! I have to go back and figure out what the heck I was thinking, cause suddenly, I don't even know myself! Lol


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 3 years ago from Sunny Florida

Loved your fishing tail. Poor Rover - but just like his creator he doesn't give up. Great hub, I'm still laughing.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Everyone should have a fishing tail. If I really had one, I could be busy fishing in the bay and be eyeballing all of the pretty gals on the beach at the same time. Doggone efficient - hear what I'm sayin'?

Maybe that thought will keep you laughing some more... :-)

Gus :-)))


damian0000 profile image

damian0000 3 years ago from Belfast

Where does all this stuff come from Gus???

I love your dumb poems :-)))


tngolfplayer profile image

tngolfplayer 3 years ago from Knoxville

Haha, awesome and funny. Read it twice, loved it.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Hi Damian - You ask where this stuff comes from. Actually, it is from Belfast, a quaint little village, rather off the path, on the Irish isle. It is a place famed for my earlier visit, but don't tell the gendarmes. They don't know me by my real name here on HubPages, but they are still looking for me. My crime was to drink an ice-cold Budweiser instead of the local brew. :-)

Lest I forget to tell you, Damian, I love your love of my dumb poems. I will undertake to consider making some more of them ere I pass.

Gus :-)))


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 3 years ago from USA Author

Howdy tngolfplayer - When you are not running away from bears, panthers, and big foot, or cloning extincts, you are busy chasing that little white pill around the green. What a life you lead...

Glad I am that you enjoyed Rover's frozen fishing tail deal. I had some fun thinking about him. Almost named him "Bowser." but couldn't think of anything useful to rhyme with that name. What made me think of "Bowser" was my Dad. He used to attend us kids at bedtime with his own made-up stories. Whenever those stories contained a hound of some sort, the name was always "Bowser." Can't recall any of his stories, but the name never went away. :-)

AND - I hope that Rover's deal read better the first time around...

Gus :-)))

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