Arkansaw Limericks No. 1

If they laugh at you, laugh with 'em. That'll hush 'em up!

Arkansas has been forgotten, ridiculed, forgotten and then ridiculed again. The ilk like Bob Burns and his Bazooka and Lum and Abner and their Jot ‘em Down Store played Arkansas as a backwards, barefoot, coon-chasin’ bunch of hillbillys. One president (I think it was Reagan) said that Arkansas was a state somewhere between the Texas and Oklahoma border. What a squeeze that would be! Our buddy Bill Clinton didn’t help matters much, either. So what the heck, I may as well join them. Here’s Arkansaw Limericks No. 1, a tribute to the good folks in our cities, towns and wide spots in the road.

Bluetick coonhound

A coon hunter's pride and joy.
A coon hunter's pride and joy. | Source

HERE'S TO THE COON HUNTERS

Hey Homer, don’t you see

Your coon dog’s up a tree

He may be a runt

But he sho can hunt

He took “tree dog” literally


Guion

A coon hunter from Guion

Had a big spotted canine

The dog was so big

He looked like a pig

But he hunted real fine

(Guion is pronounced Gine by the locals)



Jasper

A farmer from Jasper named Lou

Had a coon hound named Blue

The dog was so dumb

He caught a possum

And didn’t know what to do



JUST FOR FUN!

De Queen

A young mouse named Bean

Was driving a limousine

Drove so fast

He ran out of gas

On his way to see De Queen


NOW BACK TO THE FOLKS

Possum Grape

T’was a man from Possum Grape

Who lost his roll of duct tape

Couldn’t fix his canoe

Didn’t know what to do

Poor guy was in bad shape


Possom Grape was inspired by a true story from my son. He and a companion were preparing to fish in Greers Ferry Lake in the Ozarks. As he and his friend were off-loading their kayaks, he said a man in a pickup pulling a canoe was traveling across the bridge connecting the Narrows. The fiberglass canoe came lose and fell crashing to the rocks below. My son remarked "that canoe won't go fishing today." His fishing buddy replied, "That's what you think. Just you wait and see."

Late that afternoon as my son and his fishing buddy were hauling their kayaks out of the lake, here came the same man returning across the bridge. He was pulling the canoe, obviously wet, with duct tape everywhere. The fishing buddy gloated, "See, I told you so."


Fifty-Six

There's a town called Fifty-Six

Whut's plumb back in the sticks

The boys hunt squirrels

And chase the girls

That's how they get their kicks



Pore Chile was so ugly only her mama could love her.

Source



Big Rock

T’was an ugly girl from Big Rock

Whose face stopped an 8-day clock

She sang a little ditty

She sang it so pretty

Then the clock went tick tock





Ash Flat

An old woman from Ash Flat

Ate until she grew too fat

Had a bed with a keel

and chairs of steel

Upon which she sat



Mountain View

I can’t help but pick on Mountain View because my Mama’s family done been around there since before the New Madrid Earthquake. Proves we're movers and shakers, don't it!


An old man from Mountain View

Kept drinking that mountain dew

Put his money in a sock

And hid it under a rock

Where, he had nary a clue


A young gal from Mountain View

Got her bloomers in a stew

Put down her fiddle

So she could diddle

Can’t end, HP won’t publish if I do



If you enjoyed these, stay tuned, there’s more to come.

More by this Author


54 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

I was laughing at the title. I was howling reading the limericks. Great fun this morning, MizB. Thanks for a much-needed respite from editing.


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

MizB, this is so delightful ! I love your limericks and the refreshing break from very complex researching you just gave me. Thank you !

Voted up, funny, awesome and shard. :)


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Billybuc and Phyllis, thank you both my friends. Sometimes you just have to stop and get silly. Thanks for the votes and the share!


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 2 years ago from California

So funny! Enjoyed these!!


rebeccamealey profile image

rebeccamealey 2 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

Awesome, totally cute limericks!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

These were hilarious MizBejabbers, I love a good laugh and these limericks sure did the trick. Even made me want to go visit Arkansas/w.

The first and last I found particularly funny...great start and finish...haha. Hope you write more. P.s. I used to live in a place called Mountain View, so can relate. Are they all real place names eg. Possum Grape? Voted up.


travmaj profile image

travmaj 2 years ago from australia

MizBejabbers - I also had a good morning laugh at these antics (and I haven't been to Arkansas/w either. ) Nice to have something to enjoy - time away from the serious stuff of life. Look forward to more. Thanks.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Audrey, thank you!


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Rebecca, glad you liked them.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Jodah, yes, these are real place names. I will be using only real place names in my Arkansaw Limericks because I don't have to make them up. The anecdote and family fact are true because I don't have to make them up either, LOL. Thanks for your comment. I hope your Mountain View is as beautiful as ours.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

travmaj, thanks for the compliment. I already have the next one started, so there will be more.


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 2 years ago from California

Great laugh to start the morning. Thanks


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 2 years ago from Arkansas, USA

As a fellow Arkansan, I had to read this. So funny! We played Fifty-six in basketball when I was a kid. My mom and step-dad play music on the square in Mountain View. Arkansas is definitely an interesting state. Great limericks!


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Tireless, glad to give you a laugh!

Vickie, they still play on the square? I'll have to go listen sometime. My grandfather was an old-time Ozark musician from there. Thanks for reading and commenting.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 2 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Yes, MizB, they still play on the square there! Good ole folky music. :-)


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Oh, I didn't express that very clearly (poor use of pronouns). I meant do your folks still play there? Thanks for your answer.


moonlake profile image

moonlake 2 years ago from America

My family reunions were in Mountain View I still have family living there. My mom and sisters still live in Arkansas I still have people make fun of my accent. Enjoyed your hub, funny. Voted up.


Suzanne Day profile image

Suzanne Day 2 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

Funny little poems which I enjoyed reading very much! Thank you.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Really? Mountain View, Arkansas? Moonlake, we may be kinfolks. My family has been in the Ozarks since they were first settled, and I'm kin to about everybody up there -- except the newbies -- hillbilly wannabees, that is. We need to get together and compare notes. Thanks for reading and that inforration.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Suzanne, thank you. I love my Australian friends.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

I particularly like your canoe story! People are crazy- but resourceful when they want to be. I guess duct tape really does fix everything! The Mountain View limericks were quite amusing, too.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Thank you, Shanmarie. Most folks agree that Arkansans are funny people, too, except for a few old grouches, that is.

(Sidebar: my first father-in-law was the mayor or county judge, I forget which, in Stanton, TX, who first put up that sign which originally read "Stanton, the home of 2,500 friendly people and a few old grouches. He did it because he was PO'd at some city directors who wouldn't go along with something he wanted.)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

lol! I love these limericks! sounds a bit like where I live! thanks for the laugh, gave me a good chuckle this evening!


Mel Carriere profile image

Mel Carriere 2 years ago from San Diego California

Very amusing limericks. Being of cracker lineage, I'm not one of those who make the mistake of thinking Southernersare are all dumb hillbillies. We've certainly got our share of dumb hillbillies here too. Very entertaining hub.


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 2 years ago

That was humorous MsBejabbers. It was surprising too since I have never been there. I voted up.

Kevin


Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 2 years ago

I have a friend from Mountain View, I wonder if she is the same one that you knew.

I love Arkansaw!

Blessings to you.

P.S. I hit the H+ and it just sits there and stares, so I hope it was shared.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Nell, you have to remember that we hillbillies descended from good Scottish and English stock. That may explain the resemblance. Thank you for the comment, my friend.

Mel, remember that Arkies and Okies descended on California in droves during the Great Depression. A lot of them stayed, so that may explain your "hillbillies". Thanks, loved your comment.

Kevin, come visit us sometime. You will be surprised at the beauty of the Ozark Mountains. Thank you for the comment and for your vote.

Shyron, I don't know your friend's name, but if she is a native, she may be kinfolk of mine. I think I'm kin to 3/4 the population of Mountain View and Calico Rock and the surrounding area. There are some newbies, though, that I can't claim kin or know. It is getting to be a real popular area (and getting expensive to buy land there). Thank you for your comment.


ologsinquito profile image

ologsinquito 2 years ago from USA

These really are funny. I've always wanted to trek through Arkansas.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Thank you. As the Price is Right host would say "Come on down!" We love for people to trek through our beautiful state.


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

Your funny and humorous hub reminded me of my childhood when there was a sitcom titled: The Hillbillies. Is that still showing in the USA?


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Yes, it was the Beverly Hillbillys and it is still in reruns. The older actors have died off. I think my son said he's been watching it on the Encore channel or another repeat channel recently. BTW, my chiropractor is originally from South Africa. He and his daughter are in practice together and are very competent and nice. Thanks for reading and commenting.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 2 years ago from Texas

Hahaha! That's funny. Guess there are a few old grouches everywhere, especially in small towns. ;)


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Yes, I think so, Shanmarie. Especially those old men who sit on the benches outside the courthouse and spit tobacco juice on the sidewalk.


Suzanne Day profile image

Suzanne Day 2 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

Great poems - I especially liked the Possum Grape one as duct tape is used by all and sundry for quick fixes....but sometimes it just doesn't work! Voted awesome.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Thank you, Suzanne, for the comment and the vote. No it doesn't work if heat is involved, but apparently it let this man go fishing. (At least the story holds water. LOL)


Suzanne Day profile image

Suzanne Day 2 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

I think I've seen a fish tank fixed before with duct tape. I've also seen it used a lot in cars and unusual clothing. It is not very good at kids toys though (still not tough enough) and it wears off pretty quick when used on shoes.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Yeah, and I think the wallets are tacky. I bought some colored "duct" tape at the dollar store, and it is so thin that it is strictly for decorative use.


jhamann profile image

jhamann 2 years ago from Reno NV

Thank you for bringing a smile to my face this morning. Jamie


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Jamie, thank you. Glad I could do it!


Marie Flint profile image

Marie Flint 2 years ago from Jacksonville, FL

These are all cute limericks, MizB. I think I like the last one the best because you direct it to Hub Pages' censorship.

I thought I'd drop in and review something because you were so kind in commenting on my bolero vest hub, which in comparison to yours on limericks, more closely deserves the comment I once received on a paper in college, i.e. "Take it to weight watchers!" So, your pity limericks are a refreshing change.

I haven't written too many limericks in my lifetime--maybe one or two (that was so long ago, I can't even remember them). I do remember one that was printed on a napkin. I can still remember my elder sister reading it to me as we embarked on cleaning our bedroom. It went thusly:

There was an old woman from Kent

Whose nose was awfully bent.

She followed her nose

One day, I suppose,

And nobody knows where she went!

(The picture that accompanied the limerick was a caricature of a middle-aged lady with a hawk-like nose--it was definitely pointed DOWN.)

Since we were being raised Catholic, we automatically interpreted the "nobody knows where she went" as straight to Hell. At the time, my sister in particular thought it was very funny.

Thank you for the respite from serious research and blessings!


LadyFiddler profile image

LadyFiddler 2 years ago from Somewhere in the West

Nice Job Mizbejabbers :) thanks for sharing your limericks with us here at HP.

~~~Have an awesome weekend~~~


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Marie, thank you for your comment. Your limerick is hilarious. Not being Catholic, I would have interpreted it another way, that she just packed up and went, probably wandering. I am not talented in poetry, but limericks are something one can play with and not be too particular about. Limericks are tricky to write, but I love them and write them frequently for my office -- birthdays, Christmas, even one time I was asked to write a limerick critique for each of our temporary editors as they were leaving. They appreciated the gesture and thought it was hilarious. Watch for my answer to your email. Thanks.

LadyFiddler, thank you for reading and commenting. I have more in the works.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

Lol! loved it! great little limericks and so darn funny!


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Thanks, Nell, most of us are descended from y'all, you know. We love British TV because of your humor.


lrc7815 profile image

lrc7815 2 years ago from Central Virginia

Here I am, way down here on the list of your limerick fans but at last, I am here. You had me from the beginning. There's just something endearing about a bluetick hound. Remind me some time and I'll tell you the story of my bluetick that almost took me to the poorhouse breaking things. Miz B, I love your limericks with an Arkansas twist. I'm sorry I missed these but am whistlin' a happy tune now that I've found them. Hugs to you my friend.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

What a great way to kick start the endorphins! I have a former brother-in-law, Arkansas born & raised.....I could hear his unique TWANG repeating these limericks......he had some hilarious phrases that would crack everyone up. Here's to Arkansas humor! Love it...Up+++


PurvisBobbi44 profile image

PurvisBobbi44 2 years ago from Florida

Hi Miz B,

Number 1 is funny also, and now I will wait for #3. Have a good night and a great weekend.

Bobbi Purvis


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

OH my gosh, I missed your comment again. I should have checked after you commented on my No. 2. I'm not all myself nowadays, what with trying to keep up with a wayward son and a husband that I want to hit with a ball bat, just joking. It sure is nice to see you back in action again, girlfriend. As soon as I get through here, I'll go read your latest creation. Love and light to a wonderful friend.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Paula, I'm so sorry I missed this comment, too. I missed yours and Linda's both at the same time. I don't know if it was derelict of duty or just sometimes I don't get alerts. Anyway, you say your former brother-in-law was born and raised in Arkansas. I'm sure he does have some interesting sayings. How interesting. Why did he desert us for the great frozen north? May he keep that twang so he wont forget his roots! I love your comment. Thanks for the votes.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago Author

Bobbi, thanks, I have No. 3 written. I just need to put it together. Thanks for the comment. Glad I could give you a laugh.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida

Possum Grape is my favorite....loved these.

My Daddy was forever making up limericks and chuckling as he shared them. Angels are on the way to you this morning ps


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 22 months ago Author

Good for your dad. I've always thought limericks to be fun, and Possum Grape isn't too far from where I grew up. Thanks for the angels.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 14 months ago from sunny Florida

The duct tape story is priceless!! What would we do with out it???

Clever clever limericks...

Angels are on the way to you this evening ps


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 14 months ago Author

Yes, I love duct tape. Thank you Patricia, for the wonderful comment and the angels.

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