Arkansaw Limericks No. 3

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He who laughs at hisself has the last laugh!

Everybody and his dawg thinks Arkansas is funny. Well guess what, we do wear shoes and babies don't run around nekkid. T'ain't our fault that our "Great Communicator" President Reagan didn't know nuthin' about geography. The very idea sayin' that Arkansas was a state somewhere between the Texas and Oklahoma border. No need to laugh at at us hillbillys. We can do the job just fine all by ourselves, thank you. If you don’t believe it, just read on. Today I’m featurin’ Toad Suck, Arkansas. Anyway, join me again as I laugh at, and with, my native state in my third installment of Arkansaw Limericks.

What's the difference between a toad and a frog?

The term "toads" and "frogs" are interchangeable among Hillbillys. Why heck, everybody knows they're the same. I've even seen them sitting side-by-side on a floating leaf in my frog pond. Too bad people don't get along that good.

But first, a little history lesson before the laughin'

Yes, Virginia, there really is a Toad Suck. The original Toad Suck was the site of a ferry that crossed the Arkansas River in the early days, going ‘way back before the War of Northern Aggression. There are too many tales about the origin of the name to elucidate them here, but they all had to do with a man who looked like a toad that sucked. Some say it was booze, some say it was a pipe, but how does anybody know that toads suck?

http://thecabin.net/news/2012-04-20/history-toad-suck-revisited

Today Toad Suck is a little unincorporated community just a mite out from the rising star town of Conway where a festival called Toad Suck Daze is held each year. Now here in Arkansas we celebrate anything that gives us an excuse to celebrate, including, but not limited to, pretty girls, pink tomatoes, watermelons, cornbread, toads, Johnny Cash, and Kris Allen.

Toad races are the highlight of Toad Suck Daze. Everyone, even the little bittiest young’un, jumps right on in and has fun. Believe it or not, toad jockeys come all the way across the big pond to race a frog! The entrants must find and train a toad, which little kids call "toadie frogs". The racetrack is very short, no more than 5 or 6 feet. The toads are all lined up by their owners and the signal is given to be off in a free for all. Stubborn toads are urged with a tap on the popo and usually go anywhere but straight ahead. The winner is the toad belonging to lucky owner who manages to urge the toad to the finish line.

Sometimes a toad will make like a ping pong ball and bounce a couple ‘a times over the finish line just to get the hell out of there, but he’s usually caught and crowned anyway.

The race isn’t for the squeamish. Many a girl is seen holding up a dripping hand and going “ewwww!”

She came to race toads and see Kris Allen

Source

Not the same as "toad" jam

OH, NO! Is this where the racers go when they are put out to pasture?
OH, NO! Is this where the racers go when they are put out to pasture? | Source

Question: What's the difference between a frog and a toad?

Answer: None exceptin' hillbillys don't eat toad legs.

Toad Suck

Twas a young man from Toad Suck

who lost his frog in the muck.

When he couldn’t race,

so as to save face,

he entered the race with a duck.


“You can’t race a dang duck,”

Quoth the master of Toad Suck.

“I won’t take a licken’.

This here’s a chicken,”

And the dang duck did cluck.


The master said, “No matter.”

The boy was mad as a hatter.

“That’s no toad,

so hit the road.”

The boy and the duck did scatter.


The boy sat with the duck

on the seat of his truck.

He was mighty sad,

an’ it was too bad,

‘cause he was s***t out of luck!


We just love Kris Allen

Confusion reigns during a toad race

Do you think ducks should be allowed to enter the races at Toad Suck?

  • Absolutely not, they are fowl creatures!
  • By all means, yes!
  • Not sure, ducks might eat the littlest toads.
See results without voting

Now for some more funnin'

Oil Trough

A young man from Oil Trough

Took his blue jeans off

Waded in the creek

Frogs he did seek

All he caught was a cough


Beebe

Twas a young girl from Beebe

Had a cousin from Menifee

Went on a double date

Stayed out too late

They got in trouble, you see


Let's hear from our Ouachita Mountain friends


Jones Mill

A man from Jones Mill

Lived on the side of a hill

Rolled down the side

Clutching his bride

They got quite a thrill


Hot Springs

A young wife from Hot Springs

Who wore too many rings

On horses she bet

Lost her wedding set

Hubby’s wrath she did bring.


Caddo Gap

A reverend from Caddo Gap

Liked a little night cap

A man bootlegged

And sold him a keg

He drank it down in a snap.

One last 'un just 'cause we like it

Canoeing on the Buffalo River

Or eating fried chicken liver

We provide fun

And invite everyone

Our state is a real giver.

Update January 1, 2016

Arkansas was hit hard by the December super floods along the Arkansas River. Of course it was not as bad here as in the states along the Mississippi River, but it was bad in some places. I'm very sorry to say that Toad Suck was one of the hardest-hit areas, and at this writing the little berg is completely under water. But don't worry, Toad Suck will survive as it has survived many floods in the past. Thank you for reading my article.

Yes, Virginia, there really is a Toad Suck.

 Toad Suck Ferry before the bridge was built c. 1969.
Toad Suck Ferry before the bridge was built c. 1969.

More by this Author


43 comments

Jodah profile image

Jodah 18 months ago from Queensland Australia

Love this long awaited part three of "Arkansaw Limericks", MizB. Very, very funny. What terrific place names...a few places around here hold annual toad races too so I can relate. I think I'd be right at home in Arkansas.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 18 months ago from Central Florida

What a hoot! Your limericks are a riot, Miz B. Have you ever entered a toad race? And what is frog jam? Sounds pretty gross to me...


billybuc profile image

billybuc 18 months ago from Olympia, WA

MizB, this was the perfect way to begin my day. Too funny! I love limericks like these.....I actually laughed out loud while sitting in my writing room. I think the chickens are wondering if I've lost my mind. :)

bill


Larry Rankin profile image

Larry Rankin 18 months ago from Oklahoma

A lot of fun. Loved it!


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 18 months ago Author

John, You have toads in Australia? I don't know why I didn't realize that. Well, if you race them, too, I guess you think we aren't too crazy. After all, our ancestors came mostly from the "mother country". I think you would fit well in Arkansas. Good to hear from you.


DJ Anderson 18 months ago

My cousin moved a few states over to Arkansaw after becoming an adult.

He has been there about 30 years and says he cannot imagine living elsewhere.

You have brought out the funny and fun part of living in a state that claims RazorBack Hogs as their football mascot, and a tiny town being

one of the first places for legalized cannabis smokers. Fiddles are played in place of violins and banjos in place of guitars. If you cannot play a harmonica, well you are considered a total disgrace to the state. If you can play the jugs, you are a rock star!!

Great limericks and funny write, Miz B.

DJ.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 18 months ago Author

Bravewarrior, I seriously have no idea what Frog Jam is. I just happened to see the photo and thought it would be fun to use it. I've never entered a toad race, but we kids used to catch toads and play with them. The toads probably didn't enjoy it, but we always let them go when we tired of playing with them. Thanks for reading and your great comment.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 18 months ago Author

Bill, I'm so glad I could make you laugh out loud. In this day and time any laugh we can get is worth it. Say hello to the chickens and don't let them fool you. One may be a duck. Thanks for reading and commenting.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 18 months ago Author

Thanks Larry. I appreciate the read and the comment.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 18 months ago Author

Hi, DJ. Well, my husband plays all that, and I just play the radio despite being from an old-time Ozark musical family. My dad was too stodgy to let me pursue it. What town are you speaking of legalizing cannabis? Is it Eureka Springs? I know we've been trying to get at least medical cannabis legalized in the state, but the local fogeys and the liquor coalition voted it down the last election. I hear that the seeds soaked in glycerin are miraculous pain killers that don't have to be ingested. Why is that so wrong when drunks are on the streets killing people, and folks like me are taking addictive scheduled drugs for pain. I have a very painful fibromyalgia-like condition called complex reflex sympathetic dystrophy (CRSD).

Anyway, I can't think of living anywhere else either. I'm glad your cousin has become one of us. Thanks for your wonderful comment.


drbj profile image

drbj 18 months ago from south Florida

You have a natural knack for writing limericks, m'dear. Enjoyed these immensely.

I may visit Toad Suck one fine day,

It seems like a quaint town to stay.

But I can't enter that race

That they hold in that place,

'Cause my toad just done run away!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 18 months ago from Queensland Australia

Oh MizB, do we have toads? They are one of our worst pests. See my hub "Cane Toads (Australia's Greatest Pest)" to find out all about them.


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 18 months ago from london

Interesting State. Thanks for sharing with us a sometimes very funny piece, Miz. Much love.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 18 months ago Author

Paula, it wasn't the first toad to run away. Maybe you could enter with a chicken -- but not a duck. Thanks for the read and the cute limerick. Limericks are always appreciated.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 18 months ago Author

John, I will read about your cane toads. I guess I thought that your little amphibians would be more like Texas horned toads. (Horney toads my kids used to call them.)


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 18 months ago Author

Manatita, I love beauty and I love funny. This is a beautiful state and yes, it is very interesting. Thanks for reading.


DJ Anderson 18 months ago

Yes, Miz B. it is Eureka Springs. He no longer partakes in the weed

as he is a drug and alcohol counselor. But, he loves the lazy laid back people and thinks the mountains are the most beautiful sight to behold.

Miz B., I have had fibromyalgia for 15 years. Lyrica and Cymbalta have been a great help. But, the Lyrica is not generic, yet, and furthermore

it has a side effect of weight gain. I have good days and bad days. No,

they will not give me a prescription pain medication.

I was talking with a friend in New Mexico and she said she knew of someone who used cannabis oil. I did not pursue how one acquires

the oil. Since, I have found it on my search engine ranging from 16.00

to 316.00. I do not know if it is rubbed on the skin and absorbed or

put in food.

Constance Pure Botanical Extracts can be contacted for additional information. They are in California.

But, you can bet your sweet bippy that the pharmaceutical companies are never going to acknowledge the medical benefits of any extract.

You may have to do some private snooping to get more information.

Yes, it is a shame that the health care professionals will not take a positive stand for people searching for relief from pain.

My best to you, Miz B.

DJ.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 18 months ago Author

Thanks, DJ. You rub the oil into the skin. Don't ask me how I know.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 18 months ago from sunny Florida

You summed up your little state so cleverly. I have traveled through but not been to Toad Suck. It sounds like I need to get out my map and head over there again.

Loved this.

Angels are on the way to you this afternoon ps


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 18 months ago Author

Thank you for the angels. Don't come to Toad Suck today because it flooded so bad in the last couple of days that the few residents had to be evacuated. They're in bad shape right now. We will welcome you the next dry spell. Thanks for reading and commenting.


annart profile image

annart 18 months ago from SW England

I almost cheered out loud when I'd finished reading this! It was great fun.

Great limericks, interesting information and a great read on a Thursday evening. Thank you!

Ann


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 18 months ago Author

Hi, Ann. Hey, glad you enjoyed them. BTW, Toad Suck is still under water because of the flooding we are having right now, so it's good they had their toad races a month ago. Thanks for reading and commenting.


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 18 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

Ha Ha you have certainly established a writing signature here on hub pages.Well done and thank you!


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 18 months ago Author

Nadine, do you mean I'm becoming known for my Ozark writing? If so, perhaps I need to stick with that rather than branching out. I seem to have a better audience for my folklore than for serious writing. Thanks you for the comment and your viewpoint.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 17 months ago from England

LOL! what a great name Toad Suck day! and your limericks made me laugh so hard! I loved the videos too, made my day! thanks for that! LOL!


bluebird profile image

bluebird 17 months ago

This was fun, liked all the silly poetry, esp. the one about the duck in Toad Suck. Thanks for sharing a laugh or three!


bluebird profile image

bluebird 17 months ago

Oh, check out my Arkinsaw story called, "Nature's Ricochet". I live in the northwest parts!


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 17 months ago Author

Hi, Nell, somehow your comment got caught in the spam and I just now saw it. Sorry. I'm glad I could make you laugh. Just wait until I do something on the Big Dam Bridge (really!). We do have a sense of humor here in Arkansas. Thanks for your comment.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 17 months ago Author

Bluebird, I will check out your hubs. I looked at your profile page, and they looked interesting. We have several good writers from NW Arkansas. Do you mean you live there? Thanks so much for your comment.


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 16 months ago from San Francisco

you're good! thank you. you even did 1 - 6/5 limerick


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 16 months ago Author

I did? I can't find it, which one is it? Thanks for reading and the compliment.


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 16 months ago from California

Loved, loved loved this!


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 16 months ago from San Francisco

Toad Suck - race, face, race. All my limerick are 6/5


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 16 months ago Author

Audrey, thanks, coming from you that is a real compliment.

Mhatter99, I really hate to be so obtuse, but I guess I don't understand. I researched and don't find anything on 6/5. My first stanza was suck, muck, race, face, duck. I'm sure I can learn something here. Please explain further.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 16 months ago Author

Mhatter, I went back and read some of your limericks. I think I gotcha now.


Mel Carriere profile image

Mel Carriere 13 months ago from San Diego California

I loved this. I would like to grab a mason jar of moonshine and sit down and watch the toad races live in a town that knows how not only to take a joke, but to embrace it. Great hub!


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 13 months ago Author

Ah ha, thank you Mel. If you ever make it to Arkansaw, come on by and you can. Mr. B has been known to make a little of the stuff from time to time, for cleaning his guns, of course! Thanks for the funny comment.


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 10 months ago from USA

You nailed backwoods Southern vernacular. Loved it! My grandfather was from Arkansas (although I usually don't go around telling it), and I grew up in South Carolina. Lived near (but not in) a place called Cowpens then in later in a small community called Horsepasture, VA. It's what has sparked my interest in strange names of geographical places.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 10 months ago Author

Flourish, I am very proud of being from Arkansas. We are one of the most underrated states in the nation. I had two more of these, and the favorite seemed to be No. 2 because it had some Clinton stuff in it, but the first two got shelved by HP. I'm trying to decide whether it would be to my advantage to resurrect them. I appreciate your reading and your comment.


vespawoolf profile image

vespawoolf 10 months ago from Peru, South America

I love the Southern vernacular! This is well-written and hilarious. You have such a good sense of humor and aren't afraid to poke a little fun.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 10 months ago Author

Thanks for reading and commenting, Vespa. We Southerners (U.S.A.) have been made fun of since before the American Civil War, so we've had to learn to live with it.


moonlake profile image

moonlake 2 months ago from America

I'm from Arkansas. I now live up north. I get so sick of people making fun of me for the way I say water. I've had to put up with this for 50 years you'ld think I would get use to it. I did enjoy your hub and the humor in it.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 months ago Author

Thanks, Moonlake. I was born and bred here, as they say. I wrote two more of these limerick hubs, but HP has shelved them. Anyway, I know what you mean. A couple of years ago a coworker and I were attending a conference in Seattle. This woman is a retired English teacher who works part-time for us as an editor, too. We were shopping in a shoe store, and one young clerk said to another that she just loved to hear Southerners talk. "It's so country." Northerners don't even know what country is because all states have country people, and their country people don't sound like ours. Anyway Di was just fuming when we left the store. See you pushed my button! Thank you so much for your comment. I'm glad to know that you are from this great state.

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