Aggressive Personality Linked To Testicle Size

Physcian

Testicular Research
Testicular Research | Source

Could aggression be due to large testicles?


New research coming out of China has discovered a connection between the size of a man's testicles to the level of aggression they exhibit in stressful situations.

Dr. Xing Wang made the connection after studying inmates in a maximum security prison in the Hang Dong province of China. He noticed that men who were being held for violent crimes, were 69% more likely to have enlarged testicles. Dr. Wang was determined to discover the truth and went to work to determine if this was an anomaly specific to China or if this was a global issue?

Aggressive men

Aggressive men linked to large testicles
Aggressive men linked to large testicles | Source

Measuring Testicles Size


Dr. Wang contacted colleagues in other parts of China and explained his findings. He asked other doctors to begin a program measuring the testicle size of their patients to determine if there was indeed a correlation. Such factors which were taken into account were the criminal records, if any, ambient room temperature, and choice of underwear. Dr. Wang's colleagues were astounded at their findings and discovered that they too recorded similar results.

When asked why the choice of underwear was requested, Dr. Wang believe there could be a link between the dyes and or chemicals used in the manufacturing of different types of undergarments. To determine whether this was a factor, all the data was sent to the local medical university where 1st year medical students were asked to wear either plain cotton or patterned synthetic underwear and to keep a journal of their behavior for a month. This data was analyzed and assimilate by Dr. Wang who worked at a feverish pace only leaving the data center when his services were needed back at the prison.

At least this big

Measuring testicles
Measuring testicles | Source

Determining A Control Group

To determine if this was specific to the Chinese population, he contacted friends within the medical profession in England. They were asked to check the testicles of clergymen to determine a control group. The medical professionals were ask to conduct their tests without alerting the patients to the possibility of a link to their aggression levels. The increased blood pressure could have resulted in a misrepresentation of figures.

The average testicle size after puberty measures around 2 inches long, 0.8 inches in breadth, and 1.2 inches in height (5 x 2 x 3 cm).

Icelandic Monks

The next group to be checked were monks living in Iceland. They were recorded as wearing only loose woolen undergarments which had been stitched by the nuns at the local convent. The wool was from sheep which were raised locally and were not suspected of carrying or eating anything untoward. The diet consisted only of lichen and pure grasslands fed with glacial waters.

Armed soldiers

Armed soldiers
Armed soldiers | Source

Testicles of Soldiers

Because it is often thought that being brave is linked to levels of testosterone, retired and currently enlisted soldiers were asked to participate in this experiment. They were found to have larger testicles than all the groups, even the inmates whose crimes were linked to aggression.

Selection of results

Name
Occupation
Crime if any
Room Temperature
Underwear
Prisoner 39394
Inmate in maximum security prison
Assault
15 °C (59°F)
Prison supplied Boxers 50/50 Orange
Rev J
Clergyman
None
7°C (44°F)
Y fronts Cotton (Red)
Dr. W
Physcian
None
23° C (73°F)
Boxers Cotton (White with cowboy print)
Prisoner 8897987
Inmate local jail
Grievous Bodily Harm
15°C (59°F)
Prison supplied polyester Pink
Brother Bill Icelandic Parish
Monk
None
25°C (75°F)
Organic Icelandic Wool Boxers
Bubba J
Soldier
Always thrown out on technicalities
32°C (89°F)
Posing pouch red satin
 
 
 
 
 
This is just a cross section of all the results that were correlated.

Summary

Unfortunately, Dr. Wang was dismissed from his post at the prison in the Hang Dong province of China due to allegations that he mishandled his patients. He is currently being investigated for lewd conduct unbecoming a prison doctor. Authorities have said that it is unlikely that charges will be brought against him and he is living in exile in San Francisco, California. There he plans to open a rescue center for abandoned goats and has declined to comment.

The Chinese government have decided the research will not be continued and the documentation will be classified and stored for the foreseeable future.

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Comments 18 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

This was perfectly written my friend. I was intrigued and then found myself laughing out loud at your beautiful wit. That table is a classic; you should be writing for Saturday Night Live! Great fun!


Blond Logic profile image

Blond Logic 4 years ago from Brazil Author

Hello,

Wow, thank you. I don't tend to write humor but I thought I would give it a go. Actually, to tell the truth, you are partly responsible. I remember reading your hub about yoga positions and had a chuckle. That started me thinking I should expand my writing a bit.

Thanks for the inspiration.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

I just shared this on Facebook and people are laughing out loud!


UnnamedHarald profile image

UnnamedHarald 4 years ago from Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Okay... I thought I was being a little racist when I smirked that the doctor's name was Wang. I was "drawn in" till the very end. Well done. Voted up and funny.


Blond Logic profile image

Blond Logic 4 years ago from Brazil Author

Hello UnnamedHarald,

Thank you for your vote, I am glad you enjoyed it.

Have a great evening.


flashmakeit profile image

flashmakeit 4 years ago from usa

Really, and now the doctor is rescuing goats. I enjoyed reading this interesting subject!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

I knew something was UP (sorry) when I read Dr. WANG was the physician. Interesting that the rescue center will be handling goats. Do hope no KIDS will be involved. That could be BIG trouble for WANG!

This was funny stuff, Blond Logic.


Blond Logic profile image

Blond Logic 4 years ago from Brazil Author

Hello Drbj,

Thank you. I am glad it tickled your funny bone.

Great to hear from you.


Blond Logic profile image

Blond Logic 4 years ago from Brazil Author

Hello Diyomarpandan,

Alas Dr. Wang is content handling his goats in SF. The world will never know if it is true or not.

Hope it gave you a chuckle.

Thanks for visiting.


Blond Logic profile image

Blond Logic 4 years ago from Brazil Author

Hello Flashmakeit,

I hope you found it funny and that it gave you a giggle.

Always a pleasure to hear from you.


btrbell profile image

btrbell 4 years ago from Mesa, AZ

Funny and clever! Very enjoyable read!


Blond Logic profile image

Blond Logic 4 years ago from Brazil Author

Hello Btrbell,

I am pleased you enjoyed it.

Thanks for commenting.


Lipnancy profile image

Lipnancy 4 years ago from Hamburg, New York

I fell for it right up until the end. And the call you Blond. You did make me laugh.


Blond Logic profile image

Blond Logic 4 years ago from Brazil Author

Hello Lipnancy,

I had to make Dr. Wang go to San Francisco, Hubpages HQ.

Glad you enjoyed it.


Bedbugabscond profile image

Bedbugabscond 3 years ago from United States

Yikes! This is pretty funny, but also through provoking!


Blond Logic profile image

Blond Logic 3 years ago from Brazil Author

I'm glad you found it funny. I got the idea whilst raking! I think I had spent too much time in the sun and needed a break.

It was my first attempt at writing humor, and the response has been positive. Thank you for taking the time to comment on it.


rebeccamealey profile image

rebeccamealey 2 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

I agree with your first comm-enter...SNL material!


Blond Logic profile image

Blond Logic 2 years ago from Brazil Author

Hi Rebecca,

Oh thanks for that. The funny thing is, since I wrote this, a 'real study' has been done suggesting men with small testicles are better fathers. I had to laugh when I read that.

Glad you enjoyed it.

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