Barren Soul

At least smile at me

or lie

As you lead me in the spiral down

And down

Down unto my demise

If not a smile for me, then you

Your triumph

Curl up your lips in a snarl

if that is your will

Even razors cut

Bullets tear flesh

Drowning steals air

Why do I shed tears of blood without a serpent’s sting


Look! I have surrendered

There is no battle to be won or lost

The victory is yours

Call for a celebration

You’ve stolen all that I was

Or would ever be

I do not try to run

Everything has been relinquished


Is there nothing you give in return

No

Not even now

You knew how this would end all along

Not a mystery No surprise

Just another one, nothing personal

They named you well, Indifference,

They named you well


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Comments 28 comments

tlmntim9 5 years ago

Oh I love it! Very good! and as for the link, thats a big wow! thanks and no I never frown on getting my writings exposed...please! link all you want.

Keep up the good work, can't wait to red some more.

Tim w

tlmntim9


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

Great! I couldn't have finished it without serpent and curl - made the difference to expand my mind's eye to the rest.


stars439 profile image

stars439 5 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

A very emotional hub of great debth that comes from the soul. Brilliantly created. God Bless you.


swb78 profile image

swb78 5 years ago from Gainesville Georgia

I love the graphic along with the poem!


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 5 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

...excellent...


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

Very strong, very emotional. Did someone hear the sheer ripping of a soul or was it only I?


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago

I love the profound and poignant words you penned that come from the darkest recesses.

Beautiful. Your words always touch me. Brilliant prose!

Blessings and hugs,

Laurie


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

Yeh, well you know, I just hate being ignored...LOL


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

Miss Ashley, stop visiting your grandma's Hubs and voting them down. If you continue, I will have to start posting baby pictures of you on your Face book account. Fair?


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

Lol, I like the facebook threat. "Nana with a vengeance!" :P


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

The little girl is mad at me - well, the young lady is mad at me and is sabotaging me! I have some pretty embarrassing photos though so she'd better watch out. Her Sweet Sixteen birthday is coming up on the 29th and she may end up eating crow instead of birthday cake. ;0)


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

I absolutely love this!!

Unusual writing style, gripping, intense.

Truly, wonderful


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

High praise, grasshopper. I was just stamping my feet at being ignored. Old people have tantrums too, we just do it differently than toddlers. ha ha


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

Lol, we all like to get attention and feedback.

I know for me, for YEARS I had been trying to share my stuff with people, and they blew my mind with how uninterested they were in who I am, or my work.

I was terribly discouraged. Hubpages has really changed that very quickly

I am amazed that I have 1,200 views in SIX DAYS

blows me away :D


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

And it will get even better and then maybe level out, maybe not with your enthusiasm and talent.

I don't know if that's a common occurrence, the people we know not caring what we really are about and have to say or what, but my experience is the same. You have an avid audience here though so it is their loss.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

I can't believe the audience I have received so far.

For so long, my passions, ideas, and creativity have been kept just to myself and my family.

Every time I tried to share them with people, they didn't feel like taking the time to truly read it, and understand it.

A simple " hmm, thats good " or " i liked it " never really helped. haha

Now, amongst these great, seasoned writers, the feedback, including yours, has really helped :]


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

It's good for you to get this positive feedback and be recognized. I know when my writing was accepted I felt a new surge of life and worth and in turn my creative self was freed to produce more. This can become an addiction too, but a positive one. I'm really glad for you that you found your way here and for all of us who get to reap the benefits! ;)


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

ditto :]


ralwus 5 years ago

ummm, dark and the image is haunting. well done and your Miss Ashley needs a good pinching. LOL btw i hate to critique but this needs attention to look real professional 'If not a smile for me, than you . . .' a most common mistake than to then. Unless I am reading it wrong. keep writing girl. xox


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

Oops - can't believe no one else told me ... thanks Charlie. I know the difference and have looked at this a few times never seeing it. I appreciate the read and the heads up!


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...well you really reached deep down into the bottomless pit of your soul for capturing the mood and the appropriate words of this harrowing piece ....... and only a very good writer (like yourself) could pull something like this off with such skill and natural aplomb!!!


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

Now you sent me to the dictionary, epi. Flattery so thick it spreads like butter, I'm loving every sweet taste of it. Seriously, thank you so very much.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago

Thank you dear Poohgranma. I appreciate you. God bless you!


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

Aw, Micky Dee, I appreciate you too and all of the things you have written that give voice to Vets who have none, or can't articulate what it was like, and is still. I salute you, sir, and I pray for your peace. Thank you for coming by too.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota

Dearest Pooh-Your poem really brings the reader down with you. It's a painful journey but your words can educate and possibly heal those that feel alone in this. God Bless you my friend:)


lostwithinmyself 5 years ago

Awesome voted up!! x


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

I had not seen the responses, so sorry. MT you have been a loyal and dear friend, thank-you so much for reading and commenting.

lost - A special message for you on your hub about taking a break. Please do come back. You have so very much to give and it is needed as much as we need the darkness to cease! Hang on girl, hang on with all of your might!


Lady_Tenaz 5 years ago

I loved this one! You have a talent my friend...I am off to read another poem!

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    Authors note

    A big thanks to tlmntim9

    who gave me some words I could not see and for withholding  a complete rewrite when I asked for a read and suggestions . ha ha

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