Because I- A Poem About Life

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Bargain Broken With the Devil


Because I bleed

Somber blood-

I fear in yesterday and what was done.


I am not naive

I know things can’t be changed

But I fear in yesterday all the same.


Because I dream

I still breathe

I take a breath in and exhale as I leave.


I don’t take for granted what I never have,

I take in consideration what is still left to grab.


Because I learned,

I know I am here,

I know what I have felt,

All these years.


Because I still cry,

I know I have a heart.

I don’t leave it behind,

As I walked out of the dark.


It’s not much to lose,

When it’s no longer you,

That stands before the mirror,

Beaten and bruised.


It’s because I can still see,

That I still can see me,

I don’t have to be here

For me to believe.


It may make perfect sense,

I’m still trying to decide,

If I am still capable,

Of learning to survive


This can’t be the end,

The way I shall die,

I am not ready to become,

Lost to another’s life.


I gave away my soul,

Now I want to have it back,

Promise on forever,

Forever is what I fear I lack.


Break a bargain with the devil

And hope that God can save my soul

A sin I am within myself

A sin I lose to lose to find my way back home.


I believe it to be true,

What is left?

I believe myself capable of becoming someone else.


Bargain broken with the devil,

To regain my soul,

Pray god has my back,

And hope there is still some hope.


This Poem Explained... for Readers-

After reading a few comments about this poem, I want to take a moment to clarify the meaning of the poem for anyone who would like to understand why I used the phrases I use-and the train of thought I had when it was written.

‘Fear’ is used to represent regret, and not being sure why we did what we did.



The next set, explains that although it is known that things in this world cannot be changed once they are done, but that does not mean that regret and being sorry is not relevant.


But we still live and we take a deep breath before we own up to our mistakes.





What I left long ago is not something I should still be concerned about- it is better to think into the future for what greatness is to come.



These words represent; I understand what I have done wrong, and I have learned from my mistakes. Being that I have continued to learn over time, and I have forgiven myself- I no longer need to beg for forgiveness from others.


I am human, I still cry at times, but that is normal. Being sad is normal-





but I am no longer my past and the reflection I use to view in the mirror, no longer exists-because I decided years ago to give up the part of me that was a lie.



I wake up in the morning and continue to search my soul for reason and continue to search and find my purpose- which has brought me closer to who I am supposed to end up being.



Although I have not figured things out 100%, each day gets me closer to complete.





I know that my abilities are there and that I am going to be just fine.




I let myself get wrapped up in drugs and for awhile I was lost, but I have since recaptured my focus and done what I have needed to do to get better and be better.




A bargain broken with the devil represents sobriety and the conscience choice to become and stay sober.





Hoping that God has your back- is withdraw, and knowing and praying that if you can just get through this part, you know you will be fine, but still-this part is the hard part and any help from above is prayed for.



(Drugs have often been referred to in writing as the ‘Devils Candy’ hence- the bargain broken with the ‘Devil’).

Because I bleed

Somber blood-

I fear in yesterday and what was done.



I am not naive

I know things can’t be changed

But I fear in yesterday all the same.



Because I dream

I still breathe

I take a breath in and exhale as I leave.



I don’t take for granted what I never have,

I take in consideration what is still left to grab.



Because I learned,

I know I am here,

I know what I have felt,

All these years.



Because I still cry,

I know I have a heart.

I don’t leave it behind,

As I walked out of the dark.



It’s not much to lose,

When it’s no longer you,

That stands before the mirror,

Beaten and bruised.



It’s because I can still see,

That I still can see me,

I don’t have to be here

For me to believe.



It may make perfect sense,

I’m still trying to decide,

If I am still capable,

Of learning to survive



This can’t be the end,

The way I shall die,

I am not ready to become,

Lost to another’s life.



I gave away my soul,

Now I want to have it back,

Promise on forever,

Forever is now what I lack..



Break a bargain with the devil

And hope that God can save my soul

A sin I am within myself

A sin I lose to lose to find my way back.



I believe it to be true,

What is left?

I believe myself capable of becoming someone else.



Bargain broken with the devil,

To regain my soul,

Pray god has my back,

And hope there is still some hope.

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Comments 51 comments

schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 5 years ago from USA

It's a bit sad to me personally because I am a believer in Christ restoring all things and making us anew. God has your back, just ask for His help...If you don't mind, I suggest you pray and ask God for help, it prob sounds corny but 'accept Him as your Savior' and put your Faith in HIm...the Psalms are really uplifting at these times of duress.

Best wishes!


Nan Mynatt profile image

Nan Mynatt 5 years ago from Illinois

Great hub, I like the method in which you express yourself. You may be troubled, but still facing reality. Remember Jesus said that he would bury your sins in the sea of forgetfulness, never to bring them to you again. He died for our sins, and that makes us free. Pray and ask for forgiveness no matter what has transpired. I marked you up!


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

You have endured quite a lot, still I know of what a brave woman you truly are. Keep fighting, remain strong my dear.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

schoolgirlforreal- thank you for reading and for commenting, I would like for you to read the explanation have added for this poem, I believe it helps explain it.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Nan, Thanks for the comment and for reading more of my poetry. I added an explanation- but thank you for your wisdom and the information


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

QudsiaP1- life happens to all of us :) Thanks for the comment!


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 5 years ago from Texas

Not giving the Devil his due can be Hell. But God's got your back. Brilliant!


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 5 years ago from USA or America

Hey Holly, I am proud of this piece of writing, especially your explanation. However, I would like to give you a piece of wisdom I've come to learn is the truest words you'll ever read. I wrote them in a hub, but I don't want to mess with your beliefs(god) or put a link to my hub. So, I have pulled a couple of paragraphs from the hub and put them in this comment. I hope you recognize the truth and are able to make the step forward you need to make. As always a pleasure. The paragraphs are below-

The "meaning of life" is fairly simple to understand- it is about you giving meaning to your life, so other people can understand who you are and what you bring/represent. You are to make the meaning. You must realize that is one of the responsibilities you have to yourself.

The "purpose of life" is also fairly simple to understand- it is about you creating a purpose, a bigger picture focus, specifically designed to show others your integrity, honesty and goodness. If you are unable to see "big picture" things, then you will struggle to find a positive path for arriving or creating the future you choose.

By creating your own purpose, seeing the bigger picture, which isn't about you, but about others, you bring meaning to your actions, which shows people you have brought meaning to your life.

Keep pushing, keep learning and bring peace to yourself. :) Thumbs up! :)


Rafini profile image

Rafini 5 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

This is a beautiful poem! (I had a different take on the words & phrases but I believe the basic meaning was the same)

All I can come up with is: Hold your head up, and Keep on truckin'. *_*


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

A.A. Zavala- thanks for reading & Brilliant? I am honored :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Cagsil-

Thank you sir... the explanation for this one was for a few reasons- to give meaning and explanation-but to show as I write I am not just piecing together meaningless phrases, but they all have relevant purpose in the writing, you just have to look beneath the words.

Thanks for your insert- I would like to read that hub, can you email it to me ?


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Rafini-

Thank you, and I am always truckin'... and dont plan to stop :)


CJamesIII profile image

CJamesIII 5 years ago from Minneapolis, MN

Fascinating! I never would have guessed that "drugs" were involved without your explanations. Great emotion in there.


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 5 years ago from USA or America

Hey Holly, I've posted the link on your Facebook wall. :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

CJamesIII- thank you for reading and for commenting. I am glad you have enjoyed the poem and that the explaining the phrases was able to give you a different perspective :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Cagsil...thank you sir. I will read it later.


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 5 years ago from USA or America

Hey Holly, you're quite welcome my friend. Read it whenever you have time. No hurry. :) :D


Radioguy profile image

Radioguy 5 years ago from Maine

As always, I thank you for sharing your hope and dreams and your struggles!


schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 5 years ago from USA

Thankyou for the clarification my dear, sorry I misunderstood- I had a feeling I did! lol, and I myself too have been misunderstood too, so that's okay.

Poems have several meanings eh? Or can, and sometimes we readers don't know, but that can make it all the more special. peace!


K9keystrokes profile image

K9keystrokes 5 years ago from Northern, California

Wow. Powerful and moving. I am humbled by your words...

Up and awesome.

K9


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Radioguy, thanks for the comment-and my pleasure to share...No use in any of this if others cant learn or draw belief from where each of us have been, right?


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

schoolgirlforreal,

No need to apologize- poetry is up for interpretation, I just wanted to explain after reading the first few comments, so it is known where the words and thought came from. I appreciate the fact that people even read my work-so no need for I am sorry- :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

k9keystrokes,

Thanks for the comment and the rate ups! I am glad you liked it :) Thanks so much for stopping in and reading!


JDeAngelis profile image

JDeAngelis 5 years ago from Oz

Great poem and explanation of descriptions. Lots of emotion set to pictures. cool.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

JDeAngelis - Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed the poem. I appreciate the feedback :)


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

One of the few times being late has had an advantage. I was able to read your beautiful poetry and it came with an explanation.


Leptirela profile image

Leptirela 5 years ago from I don't know half the time

Excellent hub and some great writing pieces and originality here too!

I must admit the explanations on the right I didnt even need I understood from the go and thats deep rather ;)

never lose hope

thank you fr sharing your hub with us you have talent!


sapphire_chick profile image

sapphire_chick 5 years ago from Louisiana

beautiful poetry!


haikutwinkle profile image

haikutwinkle 5 years ago

This is a beautiful poetry. Glad to have read your poetry and explanation ;)


alberich 5 years ago

Don't let your throat tense with fear Take sips of breath, all day and night.Before death closes your mouth. And let your love be in each(Rumi)

Bless You!


Aeriel_ALN profile image

Aeriel_ALN 5 years ago from Lindenwood University

WOW. Your poetry is breathtakingly emotional, so distinct, unique, and completely vulnerable. Thank you for sharing it with us. I know and understand, as well as fully believe, that letting people read your poetry is a big risk. It's putting your emotions on the line, literally, for everyone to read, criticize, praise, misinterpret, love, hate, or do whatever and think whatever they will. From one poet to another, I am proud to see such beautifully vulnerable emotions so well written and perfectly displayed with such wonderful photos. Wonderful hub, absolutely wonderful.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

mckbirdbks - so true...or so I keep telling my boss (being late has its advantages), thank you for reading and for commenting. I have had a chance to read some of your work and need to go back and comment..loved it !


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Leptirela - thanks! I am glad that you were able to see the words and the feeling without the explanation... it assures me that the originality of the prose were effective in the writing.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

sapphire_chick - thanks for reading, I am glad that you liked the poem :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

haikutwinkle- glad to have had you read my poetry and explanation.. Thanks for commenting :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

alberich- thank you for your comment. You write beautifully in all of your comments...


michael ely profile image

michael ely 5 years ago from Scotland

Hi H.C, A great poem from you. Very powerful. I like how you seem to put everything on the page without holding much back.

All the best, Michael.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

michael ely thanks for the comment sir, I appreciate it, and I am grateful you decided to read the poem :)


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 5 years ago

I just have to show admiration and respect for you, and I can see that life has better things for us if we commit to it positively. Thanks for your time and hubbing.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

lord de cross, Thank you for that comment, I am honored to of earned any admiration or respect. This world is full of nothing but hope and the positive is still yet to be experienced, and I am sure my life will be blessed in various ways, it already is... Thank you again, I appreciate you commenting and reading my work


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 5 years ago

H.C. Thanks so much! I have published 2 more hubs that might be of interest! Thanks for you unconditional support! Lord.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

lord de cross - I will head over right now and take a look at your new posts... Thanks again!


Canscorpion profile image

Canscorpion 4 years ago from Steel Town

Hi H C Potter... I adore your style of poetry. Being a poet myself, i always seek to bring that certain quality to my own pieces but can't do it so beautifully as you did- expressing the deepest thoughts in such a simple manner! The shorter, the more ardent.

The beauty of poetry, as in other form of arts, lies in the fact that each viewer, each reader or receiver interpret and extract their own perspective of meaning. And you providing with an explanation beautified it even more. It was wonderful to analyse what i comprehended while reading the poem and what inspiration was actually behind it when it was created.

I want to appreciate the way you render so much emotions and power to simple words. The flow of poem and the way you carried the main concept is so Awesome! It touched me! :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

canscorpion,

i truly appreciate the comment/compliment. I dont view myself as an 'expert' or even a 'poet' (although the idea is nice), i truly just write what i feel from within, what i have lived through, know and experience in one way or another. My therory is, be honest-be raw-be real... so even if someone doesnt like you/your style- you can be confident that you were true. If perhaps one day I can publish, I know if I am ever on the cutting block to have my past and experiences exposed- there isn't anything that anyone will ever uncover that I have not exposed myself through my writing, because to truly relate and I think to be good or even great- honesty must be kept within every piece I write.

Sorry for that Left Field kinda response... on different planet this Monday Morning :) Thanks again for reading and commenting :)


Canscorpion profile image

Canscorpion 4 years ago from Steel Town

:) H. C. Porter . I really like the way you think. :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

canscorpion, what do you mean? you like my altered train of thought and obscured views of the world as well as the way I write abstract literary explanations of something as simple as a poem which is meant to be self expressive to whom ever reads it? LOL...THANKS! Just playing...I truly appreciate your support and taking the time to not only rad my work but to leave a comment on it. I am very greatful!


Ausseye 4 years ago

Hi to the Porter, a shifter of life

You have walked us fine through a life intend

Made good by your pure design

May your path be full and free

As you have given us here a big degree

O f life so lived ,so ruddy ,so full ,so well, so spirited

Rewarding us with passionate

Readers of worthy words by worthy people

Cheers Ausseye


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Ausseye- thank you for your words... hcp


jami l. pereira 4 years ago

Good write , thanks for the read , voted up and awesome :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Thanks again Jami, for the support and the rate ups... always appreciated-and always a good thing to be heard!


Ausseye 4 years ago

To a Portable life: A great poem about life and some savage experiences….may you grow strong and stronger still as you have much to offer survivors, a way forward. You are responding to yourself and do fight-back justice.

May you ship be strong to cross the sea of flames

And may a fresh new world await your

A strong and golden skill taking you to a better place

Embrace the energy of your will and empower your desire, spirit and resolve.

Love your work and the empathy to explain!!

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