Beer Goggles

Mike's Common Sense

Guys like to be guys. We guys do this by going out for beers with each other from time to time. This is a male bonding ritual that goes back to medieval times.

Now we all agree that beer is cold and very tasty after a hard day of work, but there is one draw back; beer will get you drunk if you have too many of them. Too many beers leads to the common malady called “beer goggles”.

Beer goggles, effects each person a little differently, but I believe most of us guys are pretty much a like when we put on our beer goggles. Since I can’t speak for all guys, I will tell you about myself.

1) All women look better when you have beer goggles on.

There is something about beer goggles that make all women look more alluring, and pretty. She may be a troll in real life, but with those rosy beer goggles on she looks like Bo Derek did twenty years ago. Beer goggles have led to the phrase “coyote ugly”. This phrase is used to tell your friends that the woman you went home with last night looked like Medusa’s twin sister plus sixty pounds. She was so ugly that when you woke up and looked at her, you chewed your arm off to get away from her just as a coyote would to get out of a trap.

2) I am a great singer with beer goggles on.

Beer goggles don’t just make your vision more rose colored, but also make you sound better. I sing great with beer goggles on! I also sound more suave and sophisticated; the lady’s swoon at my every word.

3) I am the best dart thrower, and pool shooter that ever lived, when I wear my beer goggles.

4) All the bartenders love me when I wear beer goggles.

5) I love the world, and the world loves me in beer goggles.

6) I dance like one of the Jackson 5 with beer goggles on.

7) My football team may be behind 34-0, but I know they will come back to win when I have my beer goggles on.

As great as beer goggles are for one’s self esteem, one should never drive with beer goggles on. They do not help you see people, stop signs, and other cars. Beer goggles are not meant to be worn while driving, call a cab.

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